Lullaby by elizagoth7, PG
“Martha Rodgers?”
Looking up from the children’s book she was reading to her son, Martha called out to the attendant.
“You’re up.”
“Richard be a good boy and sit right there,” Martha said, moving the tired little boy from her lap and setting him back on her vacated chair.
“Practice your reading and don’t talk to anybody. Mummy will be right back.”
She kissed his feverish forehead and gathered up her resume and headshot, following the attendant to the audition room. The people at the table barely looked up as she handed them her resume and stood on the taped mark. The accompanist cleared his throat and she hurried to find her sheet music in her bag. As she rifled through, Martha pulled out Richard’s hat and gloves, a toy race car, and Richard’s snack for later. Finally locating the pages in the bottom of her bag, she handed the slightly crinkled pages to the pianist, cringing at the childish crayon drawings on the back.
“Alright Miss Rodgers, whenever you’re ready,” one of the men at the table said, indicating for her to begin.
She was halfway through her sixteen bars when the attendant stuck her head in the door. A loud sobbing could be heard from the waiting room.
“Sorry to interrupt, but Ma’am your boy is pretty upset.”
With a sigh, Martha moved to follow the attendant, but the director’s voice stopped her.
“Miss Rodgers our time is very limited. We can’t have you running off to see to your child every five minutes, especially if we’re conducting a rehearsal. I’m afraid we’ll have to move on if you walk out now.”
Martha paused halfway between the door and her mark. She could hear Richard crying and bit her lip, knowing that she needed the job. The part was perfect for her and her agent had impressed the career benefits upon her numerous times. Finally she turned, looking the casting director in the eyes.
“Thank you for your time. Good day gentlemen,” she said graciously, before striding through the door.
Out in the waiting room Richard sat in the same chair, holding his jacket with thick tears falling down his chubby cheeks.
“Mummy,” he cried, struggling to take a breath.
Martha knelt down, sweeping her son up into her arms and rocking him slowly. His arms wrapped around her neck as he buried his face in her shoulder, his small body wracked with shuddering sobs.
“I know darling, Mummy’s here,” she shushed, trying to calm the boy down. Eventually he quieted to noisy sniffles, still holding her tightly.
“Let’s get your coat back on and we’ll go home. You can sleep in Mummy’s bed, how’s that sound?” She knelt down and held out his jacket.
“Will you sing me the lullaby?” he asked, slipping his arms through the sleeves his mother held out.
“You bet, kiddo,” she smiled, tapping his nose and earning a giggle from the sick little boy.
He held out his arms as she stood and Martha hiked her bag higher on her shoulder before picking him up. Together they walked out into the blustery New York day, not once glancing back.
XxxxX
Martha held her granddaughter as the toddler huddled into her chest. Angry voices could be heard from down the hall, despite the closed nursery door. Alexis whimpered, fisting her chubby hands in her grandmother’s blouse.
“Don’t worry my love, Gran Mummy’s here.”
Sitting in the chair in the corner, Martha rocked them slowly, humming a soft lullaby to the frightened toddler. It was one her mother had sung to her and she had sung to Richard when he was a boy.
There was the sound of a slamming door followed by echoing silence. Martha looked down to see Alexis had fallen asleep, and she carefully laid her down in the crib. Turning on the baby monitor, Martha made her way down the hallway.
Richard was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands and shoulders visibly shaking. She sat down next to him, pulling him to her chest and leaning back. His arms hugged her waist tightly as he cried.
“She’s filing for divorce,” he sobbed. “How am I supposed to do this alone? I don’t know the first thing about raising a child. Let alone a girl.”
“Hey now,” Martha said, bringing him up to meet her eyes.
“Do you think I ever knew what I was doing with you? Here was this little boy, who was going to grow up into a man and it was up to me to show him how.”
She paused, stroking a thumb across his cheek and wiping away a stray tear. Her own blue eyes stared back at her, begging for answers that she didn’t have. In that moment he was still her shy little boy with his mittens on a string, hands clutched tightly in her skirt.
“I think we did okay, don’t you?”
Reluctantly, Richard nodded and sat up, still holding his mother’s hand.
“What am I supposed to tell Alexis?” he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Well Richard, she’s two. I don’t think that will be a problem for some time but,” she continued when she saw him poised to interrupt.
“When the time does come, you’ll tell her how much Meredith loves her and how that doesn’t change just because they don’t see each other every day. Then you hug her and remind her that you love her.”
She leaned in so their shoulders touched, resting her forehead against his temple.
“We did just fine then, and we’ll do the same, better even, now.”
He nodded, knocking their knees together lightly.
“Alexis sleeping?”
Martha put the baby monitor in his hand.
“I’ll be out here when you’re through.”
“Thanks Mom,” he said kissing her forehead.
“You’re the best mother a guy could ask for.”
“Yeah, yeah. Save it for Hallmark,” she laughed, subtly wiping a tear from her eye.
XxxxX
“Martha?”
“Hey kiddo, welcome back,” Martha said, brushing Kate’s bangs behind her ear.
“How are you feeling?”
“Drugged, helpless,” Kate said, attempting to sit up.
Martha hurried adjusted the back of the bed and arranged the pillows so she could sit up comfortably.
“Where’s Rick?”
“I said I would sit with you so he could go home and have a shower. Alexis is going to make sure he eats something before he comes back. Would you like some water?”
Kate nodded, and Martha poured her a cupful from the pitcher provided. She held the cup while Kate sipped through the straw.
“Thanks,” Kate yawned.
“How much longer are they going to keep me here?”
“Dr. Fielding told Richard a couple more days. They want to err on the side of caution.”
Beckett sighed, leaning back slowly against her bed, blinking away tears. Her medication was beginning to wear off and she hurt inside and out.
“It’s okay dear,” Martha said, squeezing Kate’s hand lightly.
“It’s just us girls.”
Kate gave a teary laugh that dissolved into heaving sobs. Martha dropped the railing and perched on the edge of the bed, carefully giving Kate a comforting side hug.
“It hurts,” Kate wept, the lingering sedation weakening the walls she fought so hard to keep in place.
“It feels like a piece of me was ripped out and I’m never going to be whole again. I never thought I could feel like this over someone I didn’t even know.”
“Kate, darling, I can’t even pretend to know what it must feel like. I don’t think I would survive losing Richard or Alexis. But I can tell you, that little girl became real the moment you even thought you were expecting. Just because you never got to hold her in your arms doesn’t mean that she wasn’t your child; that you aren’t allowed to grieve.”
“It’s like losing my mother all over again,” Kate whispered, resting her head on Martha’s shoulder.
“I almost lost myself after that. I don’t want to end up in that place again… I won’t survive it.”
Sliding fully onto the bed, Martha gently adjusted them so she could run her fingers through Kate’s auburn tresses.
“You don’t have to worry about that this time. Besides the fact that you Katherine Beckett are the strongest person anyone of us ever had the pleasure of knowing,” Martha said, pausing when the nurse came in to top up Kate’s pain killers.
“You’re not alone this time. You have a whole family who cares too much to see you suffer like that.”
“Thank you,” whispered Kate, the medication pulling her under.
“It’s how this family works, my darling. Now sleep, I’m sure Richard will be back when you wake.”
Martha felt Kate nod, and carefully slipped off the bed, adjusting it so Kate was lying down again. She returned to her chair, intent on keeping watch over the woman who had quickly become part of her family.
“Martha?”
“Yes, love?”
“Sometimes I wish my mom was here, but if it couldn’t be her, I’m glad it’s you.”
“And I’ll be here as long as you need me.”
Kate nodded, closing her eyes. As Martha picked up her book, she began humming the familiar lullaby that she had sung to her family whenever they were hurt or upset. She had heard Richard doing the same for Alexis and thought that one day far from then, perhaps there would be a new baby to pass it on to as well.
Looking up from the children’s book she was reading to her son, Martha called out to the attendant.
“You’re up.”
“Richard be a good boy and sit right there,” Martha said, moving the tired little boy from her lap and setting him back on her vacated chair.
“Practice your reading and don’t talk to anybody. Mummy will be right back.”
She kissed his feverish forehead and gathered up her resume and headshot, following the attendant to the audition room. The people at the table barely looked up as she handed them her resume and stood on the taped mark. The accompanist cleared his throat and she hurried to find her sheet music in her bag. As she rifled through, Martha pulled out Richard’s hat and gloves, a toy race car, and Richard’s snack for later. Finally locating the pages in the bottom of her bag, she handed the slightly crinkled pages to the pianist, cringing at the childish crayon drawings on the back.
“Alright Miss Rodgers, whenever you’re ready,” one of the men at the table said, indicating for her to begin.
She was halfway through her sixteen bars when the attendant stuck her head in the door. A loud sobbing could be heard from the waiting room.
“Sorry to interrupt, but Ma’am your boy is pretty upset.”
With a sigh, Martha moved to follow the attendant, but the director’s voice stopped her.
“Miss Rodgers our time is very limited. We can’t have you running off to see to your child every five minutes, especially if we’re conducting a rehearsal. I’m afraid we’ll have to move on if you walk out now.”
Martha paused halfway between the door and her mark. She could hear Richard crying and bit her lip, knowing that she needed the job. The part was perfect for her and her agent had impressed the career benefits upon her numerous times. Finally she turned, looking the casting director in the eyes.
“Thank you for your time. Good day gentlemen,” she said graciously, before striding through the door.
Out in the waiting room Richard sat in the same chair, holding his jacket with thick tears falling down his chubby cheeks.
“Mummy,” he cried, struggling to take a breath.
Martha knelt down, sweeping her son up into her arms and rocking him slowly. His arms wrapped around her neck as he buried his face in her shoulder, his small body wracked with shuddering sobs.
“I know darling, Mummy’s here,” she shushed, trying to calm the boy down. Eventually he quieted to noisy sniffles, still holding her tightly.
“Let’s get your coat back on and we’ll go home. You can sleep in Mummy’s bed, how’s that sound?” She knelt down and held out his jacket.
“Will you sing me the lullaby?” he asked, slipping his arms through the sleeves his mother held out.
“You bet, kiddo,” she smiled, tapping his nose and earning a giggle from the sick little boy.
He held out his arms as she stood and Martha hiked her bag higher on her shoulder before picking him up. Together they walked out into the blustery New York day, not once glancing back.
XxxxX
Martha held her granddaughter as the toddler huddled into her chest. Angry voices could be heard from down the hall, despite the closed nursery door. Alexis whimpered, fisting her chubby hands in her grandmother’s blouse.
“Don’t worry my love, Gran Mummy’s here.”
Sitting in the chair in the corner, Martha rocked them slowly, humming a soft lullaby to the frightened toddler. It was one her mother had sung to her and she had sung to Richard when he was a boy.
There was the sound of a slamming door followed by echoing silence. Martha looked down to see Alexis had fallen asleep, and she carefully laid her down in the crib. Turning on the baby monitor, Martha made her way down the hallway.
Richard was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands and shoulders visibly shaking. She sat down next to him, pulling him to her chest and leaning back. His arms hugged her waist tightly as he cried.
“She’s filing for divorce,” he sobbed. “How am I supposed to do this alone? I don’t know the first thing about raising a child. Let alone a girl.”
“Hey now,” Martha said, bringing him up to meet her eyes.
“Do you think I ever knew what I was doing with you? Here was this little boy, who was going to grow up into a man and it was up to me to show him how.”
She paused, stroking a thumb across his cheek and wiping away a stray tear. Her own blue eyes stared back at her, begging for answers that she didn’t have. In that moment he was still her shy little boy with his mittens on a string, hands clutched tightly in her skirt.
“I think we did okay, don’t you?”
Reluctantly, Richard nodded and sat up, still holding his mother’s hand.
“What am I supposed to tell Alexis?” he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Well Richard, she’s two. I don’t think that will be a problem for some time but,” she continued when she saw him poised to interrupt.
“When the time does come, you’ll tell her how much Meredith loves her and how that doesn’t change just because they don’t see each other every day. Then you hug her and remind her that you love her.”
She leaned in so their shoulders touched, resting her forehead against his temple.
“We did just fine then, and we’ll do the same, better even, now.”
He nodded, knocking their knees together lightly.
“Alexis sleeping?”
Martha put the baby monitor in his hand.
“I’ll be out here when you’re through.”
“Thanks Mom,” he said kissing her forehead.
“You’re the best mother a guy could ask for.”
“Yeah, yeah. Save it for Hallmark,” she laughed, subtly wiping a tear from her eye.
XxxxX
“Martha?”
“Hey kiddo, welcome back,” Martha said, brushing Kate’s bangs behind her ear.
“How are you feeling?”
“Drugged, helpless,” Kate said, attempting to sit up.
Martha hurried adjusted the back of the bed and arranged the pillows so she could sit up comfortably.
“Where’s Rick?”
“I said I would sit with you so he could go home and have a shower. Alexis is going to make sure he eats something before he comes back. Would you like some water?”
Kate nodded, and Martha poured her a cupful from the pitcher provided. She held the cup while Kate sipped through the straw.
“Thanks,” Kate yawned.
“How much longer are they going to keep me here?”
“Dr. Fielding told Richard a couple more days. They want to err on the side of caution.”
Beckett sighed, leaning back slowly against her bed, blinking away tears. Her medication was beginning to wear off and she hurt inside and out.
“It’s okay dear,” Martha said, squeezing Kate’s hand lightly.
“It’s just us girls.”
Kate gave a teary laugh that dissolved into heaving sobs. Martha dropped the railing and perched on the edge of the bed, carefully giving Kate a comforting side hug.
“It hurts,” Kate wept, the lingering sedation weakening the walls she fought so hard to keep in place.
“It feels like a piece of me was ripped out and I’m never going to be whole again. I never thought I could feel like this over someone I didn’t even know.”
“Kate, darling, I can’t even pretend to know what it must feel like. I don’t think I would survive losing Richard or Alexis. But I can tell you, that little girl became real the moment you even thought you were expecting. Just because you never got to hold her in your arms doesn’t mean that she wasn’t your child; that you aren’t allowed to grieve.”
“It’s like losing my mother all over again,” Kate whispered, resting her head on Martha’s shoulder.
“I almost lost myself after that. I don’t want to end up in that place again… I won’t survive it.”
Sliding fully onto the bed, Martha gently adjusted them so she could run her fingers through Kate’s auburn tresses.
“You don’t have to worry about that this time. Besides the fact that you Katherine Beckett are the strongest person anyone of us ever had the pleasure of knowing,” Martha said, pausing when the nurse came in to top up Kate’s pain killers.
“You’re not alone this time. You have a whole family who cares too much to see you suffer like that.”
“Thank you,” whispered Kate, the medication pulling her under.
“It’s how this family works, my darling. Now sleep, I’m sure Richard will be back when you wake.”
Martha felt Kate nod, and carefully slipped off the bed, adjusting it so Kate was lying down again. She returned to her chair, intent on keeping watch over the woman who had quickly become part of her family.
“Martha?”
“Yes, love?”
“Sometimes I wish my mom was here, but if it couldn’t be her, I’m glad it’s you.”
“And I’ll be here as long as you need me.”
Kate nodded, closing her eyes. As Martha picked up her book, she began humming the familiar lullaby that she had sung to her family whenever they were hurt or upset. She had heard Richard doing the same for Alexis and thought that one day far from then, perhaps there would be a new baby to pass it on to as well.