Can't get back to sleep so might as well post something
While I was able to fall asleep last night I keep waking up after about 4am. Finally I woke myself up crying at 6am and I couldn't get back to sleep. Old negative thoughts mixing with new stress I guess. Nothings wrong really just stupid feelings I shouldn't be having anyways. Like feeling rejected when 2/3rds of the wedding invites come back as not able to come when I know I picked a popular date and that the location is expensive/hard to get to for most people. Still couldn't seem to stop it from making me feel small and invisible again like I am not a real person. Other stupid thoughts follow like... (whole long chain of self absorbed self pitying drama queen stuff snipped).
OK enough stupid stuff self because I know I have more positive things going on in my life now then every before. I also know it is mainly my own fears of rejections along with my introverted personality that have keep me from forming larger circles of closer friends. Besides I do not need to win any popularity contest to feel worthwhile. I am not the little girl kids threw rocks at and spit on anymore. I am a grown adult and I am in control of my own life.
Ack I sound like Stewart Smalley. I am good enough and smart enough and gosh darn it people like me! :)