(no subject)
DEAR HEDGE CLIPPING NIEGHBOR, OBSESSED WITH HIS LAWN:
i realize that your manhood depends on the even level of your grass, but seriously, its 1:00 AM and I need to sleep. PUT THE CLIPPERS DOWN PUT THEM DOWN NOW BEFORE I CHUNK UP YOUR BUSHES WITH SOMETHING RUSTY AND UNPROFESSIONAL.
DEAR GUY WITH SQUEALING TIRES IN POOL PARKING LOT:
that was pretty amazing. a whole 30 seconds of pure rubber-and-asphalt without going anywhere. sorry about what my dog did. sorry about your foot. maybe if you werent so loud, my dog wouldnt drop duece wherever you are stepping.
DEAR DEREK WITH THE DOG NAMED RACCOON:
sorry i laughed at your dogs name. waffle isnt a very good name for a dog either, really. (but at least my dog is toasty gold so it makes sense, whereas its pretty obvious that your dog isnt a raccoon. OR IS IT.) i never knew that a raccoon could love a waffle so....intimately. in closing, it is wierd to be introduced to someone while theyre dogs are getting serious! we tried to ignore it, but luckily both of us had a good enough sense of humor to realize that we couldnt.
DEAR GUY AT THE END OF THE STREET WHO STILL WONT PUT ON ANY CLOTHES:
lets be honest. past-your-prime.
and yet more and more comfortable with less and less clothing. its amazing, really, how you can have nothing but your kneecaps covered and yet you smile like youre wearing a three piece suit. naked weather? naked never!
everything is so saturated with awesome that even the stars seem wet.
summer makes me worried, restless, living.
you are honest, unfazed, waiting.
i realize that your manhood depends on the even level of your grass, but seriously, its 1:00 AM and I need to sleep. PUT THE CLIPPERS DOWN PUT THEM DOWN NOW BEFORE I CHUNK UP YOUR BUSHES WITH SOMETHING RUSTY AND UNPROFESSIONAL.
DEAR GUY WITH SQUEALING TIRES IN POOL PARKING LOT:
that was pretty amazing. a whole 30 seconds of pure rubber-and-asphalt without going anywhere. sorry about what my dog did. sorry about your foot. maybe if you werent so loud, my dog wouldnt drop duece wherever you are stepping.
DEAR DEREK WITH THE DOG NAMED RACCOON:
sorry i laughed at your dogs name. waffle isnt a very good name for a dog either, really. (but at least my dog is toasty gold so it makes sense, whereas its pretty obvious that your dog isnt a raccoon. OR IS IT.) i never knew that a raccoon could love a waffle so....intimately. in closing, it is wierd to be introduced to someone while theyre dogs are getting serious! we tried to ignore it, but luckily both of us had a good enough sense of humor to realize that we couldnt.
DEAR GUY AT THE END OF THE STREET WHO STILL WONT PUT ON ANY CLOTHES:
lets be honest. past-your-prime.
and yet more and more comfortable with less and less clothing. its amazing, really, how you can have nothing but your kneecaps covered and yet you smile like youre wearing a three piece suit. naked weather? naked never!
everything is so saturated with awesome that even the stars seem wet.
summer makes me worried, restless, living.
you are honest, unfazed, waiting.