(no subject)
I'm so tired of this.
I'm tired of being a fucked up daughter that apparently can't do anything right 98% of the time. I'm not the "Daddy's girl, Momma's princess" bull shit. I don't make the grades they want me to make, I don't have a life like they want me to. I'm perfect and it's fucking ridiculous. I'm so fucking sorry for not being perfect.
My mom comes home from work in a bad mood. So she gets mad at everyone else about stupid stuff. But is it okay for me to have had a bad day? NO. I can't have a bad day. If I'm in a bad mood I get in trouble and I'm told that I "need to get in a better mood" or whatever. I'm so tired of it. And if some of my friends want to go somewhere that I don't really want to go to and I say no, that apparently means I'm "hateful and no wonder people don't want to hang out with me." All because I'm opinionated and a little bit independent. It's not my fault that some of my so-called friends don't think I'm "cool" enough to hang out with. It's not my fault I hardly ever get invited anywhere. But when I'm on my phone texting she complains and always asks who I'm talking to. I thought I was hateful?
Even before my sister died I was always treated second best by my dad. Still am, too. Even though she was stubborn and basically a bitch, I was still treated like I just wasn't even there whenever she came into the picture. It fucking sucked all the time. Heaven forbid I have an opinion on something and get mad at him, especially now that she's gone. He gets mad at the stupidest stuff, has all my life, and he gets so frustrated with stuff. I can't stand it. I hate to say it but it's so embarassing. Even going out in public is embarassing, and not just him, my mom too. I don't like going out anywhere with them. Even when other family members are around, family members that have a nice life and a family and are pretty happy, I don't like being there with my dad or my mom.
I hate this house, I hate this town, I hate this state. The day I leave this house for university, and the next year and a half at community college can't go by fast enough, will be the happiest. fucking. day. of. my. life. I can't wait.