(no subject)
It's always been my personal belief that the biggest dickheads you meet come into your life for a reason, to teach you something and that lesson is never just that they are an asshole. Ha. I've been wrestling with this one for a good long while now because I really am trying to grow here. You know. As a person.
For fucks sakes.
So what is it I need to learn this time? More patience? More compassion? More kindness? WHAT THE SHIT AM I NOT GETTING?
And it hit me like the usual ton of bricks today as I was walking around on my lunch break, noodling away on this YET AGAIN...dude. Just. Let. It. Go.
Huh?
Wow.
I'm not too bright am I?
Fuck it's a good thing I'm cute.
I'm plenty patient and kind and compassionate but man can I carry around and nurse an insult or a slight like it was a cherished child. Just fucking let it go already you retard.
That is seriously the lesson of this lifetime for me. Every damned time I think I have a handle on it something else comes up and slaps me in the head and then I carry THAT around for another couple of years analyzing it to death, weeping over it, raging at it, trying to figure it out. Just let it go?
Who knew?
So see? Really trying to grow as a person here. Except to do that I have to stop calling myself a retard because that is seriously insulting to the retarded. And I have to stop calling things gay because that's insulting to gays and blah blah. All this personal growth is fucking hell on my haha.
So is social media. Because I have a "professional brand" now and I'm supposed to be working on it a little bit every day so that if they ever kick me to the curb here I'll still be employable elsewhere. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me with my brain and try to think of something funny yet appropriate and insightful to tweet or G+ every day?? If I ever actually manage to pull that off then I have to find the energy to come here and remember not to insult the retards too? Ow, the growing pains. They burn.
Especially since I bought my jeans two sizes too small last week. On purpose. Because I've been doing so well with the yoga and the eating well and I'm almost back down to my fighting weight so feeling like I could pop the seams on these babies with my next sneeze is pretty good motivation to keep going. Except they're so tight they're cutting off the circulation to my left meat curtain and I'm sitting here staring at Twitter trying to think of something appropriately funny to say with a throbbing beef flap and all I can think is MEAT CURTAINS! BEEF FLAPS! MEAT CURTAINS! BEEF FLAPS!
Having to come here and curb my retards may be more than I'm capable of.
For fucks sakes.
So what is it I need to learn this time? More patience? More compassion? More kindness? WHAT THE SHIT AM I NOT GETTING?
And it hit me like the usual ton of bricks today as I was walking around on my lunch break, noodling away on this YET AGAIN...dude. Just. Let. It. Go.
Huh?
Wow.
I'm not too bright am I?
Fuck it's a good thing I'm cute.
I'm plenty patient and kind and compassionate but man can I carry around and nurse an insult or a slight like it was a cherished child. Just fucking let it go already you retard.
That is seriously the lesson of this lifetime for me. Every damned time I think I have a handle on it something else comes up and slaps me in the head and then I carry THAT around for another couple of years analyzing it to death, weeping over it, raging at it, trying to figure it out. Just let it go?
Who knew?
So see? Really trying to grow as a person here. Except to do that I have to stop calling myself a retard because that is seriously insulting to the retarded. And I have to stop calling things gay because that's insulting to gays and blah blah. All this personal growth is fucking hell on my haha.
So is social media. Because I have a "professional brand" now and I'm supposed to be working on it a little bit every day so that if they ever kick me to the curb here I'll still be employable elsewhere. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me with my brain and try to think of something funny yet appropriate and insightful to tweet or G+ every day?? If I ever actually manage to pull that off then I have to find the energy to come here and remember not to insult the retards too? Ow, the growing pains. They burn.
Especially since I bought my jeans two sizes too small last week. On purpose. Because I've been doing so well with the yoga and the eating well and I'm almost back down to my fighting weight so feeling like I could pop the seams on these babies with my next sneeze is pretty good motivation to keep going. Except they're so tight they're cutting off the circulation to my left meat curtain and I'm sitting here staring at Twitter trying to think of something appropriately funny to say with a throbbing beef flap and all I can think is MEAT CURTAINS! BEEF FLAPS! MEAT CURTAINS! BEEF FLAPS!
Having to come here and curb my retards may be more than I'm capable of.