(no subject)
Contrary to my ambitious plans I did not, in fact, CLEAN ALL THE THINGS or cook the entire world of fabulous this week. I did however manage to stay away from both gossip sites and vodka and squeeze in a bunch of lovely lunches and dinners with folks that made cooking at home unnecessary. For me. Ha. Yay Summerlicious.
And then we get to yesterday where apparently Twisty G is only a dental rockstar when his daddy is there. Around his Giant Wuss of a Mother[tm] he literally screamed like we were setting him on fire and I had to sit on him in the chair, holding his legs and arms down while the hygenist held his head straight and we all wept in misery with him because once it was started you just can't leave the tooth open like that, it has to get finished. And so he screamed and screamed and screamed no matter how many breaks we took so that he could have a drink, get up and walk it off, etc. The minute she came near him with that drill, well, even the kids in the waiting room were crying. So were their moms. So was the hardened, precription drug abusing receptionist.
And then we got home.
And he told his daddy that he LOVED THE DENTIST.
I'm sorry, what now??
T: "Yeah! Mom, can we go back and make ALL MY TEETH METAL??!"
*Don't hit him. Hitting children is wrong and bad and illegal and there's a cop right there who will put your ass in jail*
Me: "Ummmm, what about the part where you were screaming and crying? Do you remember the SCREAMING AND CRYING PART??"
T: "Oh. That. Right. Well I didn't like the noise"
Me: Didn't like the noise?! Did it hurt?!
T: No, not really.
M: No? THEN WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING LIKE THAT?!
T: I told you, because I didn't like the noise. Also, I really wanted a toy.
...
...
...
So clearly I started drinking again.
The End.
Except not, because I seriously need therapy for Post Traumatic Stress after that and I still have to get him to soccer tomorrow without, you know, LITERALLY KICKING HIS FUCKING ASS THE ENTIRE WAY THERE.
Which is going to be a bit of a struggle, I'm not gonna lie.
And then there's the fact that we get to do this all over again in 2 weeks for his next filling.
Which Fratboy is totally taking him to.
After he buys me a pony.
A diamond studded Unicorn pony that shits fairy dust and flowers.
I am so not kidding.
And then we get to yesterday where apparently Twisty G is only a dental rockstar when his daddy is there. Around his Giant Wuss of a Mother[tm] he literally screamed like we were setting him on fire and I had to sit on him in the chair, holding his legs and arms down while the hygenist held his head straight and we all wept in misery with him because once it was started you just can't leave the tooth open like that, it has to get finished. And so he screamed and screamed and screamed no matter how many breaks we took so that he could have a drink, get up and walk it off, etc. The minute she came near him with that drill, well, even the kids in the waiting room were crying. So were their moms. So was the hardened, precription drug abusing receptionist.
And then we got home.
And he told his daddy that he LOVED THE DENTIST.
I'm sorry, what now??
T: "Yeah! Mom, can we go back and make ALL MY TEETH METAL??!"
*Don't hit him. Hitting children is wrong and bad and illegal and there's a cop right there who will put your ass in jail*
Me: "Ummmm, what about the part where you were screaming and crying? Do you remember the SCREAMING AND CRYING PART??"
T: "Oh. That. Right. Well I didn't like the noise"
Me: Didn't like the noise?! Did it hurt?!
T: No, not really.
M: No? THEN WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING LIKE THAT?!
T: I told you, because I didn't like the noise. Also, I really wanted a toy.
...
...
...
So clearly I started drinking again.
The End.
Except not, because I seriously need therapy for Post Traumatic Stress after that and I still have to get him to soccer tomorrow without, you know, LITERALLY KICKING HIS FUCKING ASS THE ENTIRE WAY THERE.
Which is going to be a bit of a struggle, I'm not gonna lie.
And then there's the fact that we get to do this all over again in 2 weeks for his next filling.
Which Fratboy is totally taking him to.
After he buys me a pony.
A diamond studded Unicorn pony that shits fairy dust and flowers.
I am so not kidding.