(no subject)
Last night's girls night was cut a titch short when I fell asleep on the couch. *insert excuses about sick Fitzy, being up all Thursday night, blah blah blah* Never one to let good alcohol go to waste Kneegs decided to take one for the team and drink both our shares.
Best. Drive. Home. EVAR.
We get to Kneegs' house and she squinted at me, "You love me more than anyone."
It was not a question.
"Say it. SAY IT. YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYONE!"
I laughingly obey.
"Don't you placade me Whizhey"
Ha. Pla-what?
"Placade! Uh. Flacade? Faca....FUCX YOU WHITE LADY! YER SO DAMNED LIPPITY!"
I die laughing.
"YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYONE!"
I do. I do!
"MORE THAN ANYONE. SAY IT!!"
Ahahaha, more than anyone I swear.
"MORE THAN EVERYONE COMBINED! COMBINED!!! SAY IT!
I can barely breathe. Combined! I swear!
"Now you will kiss me!"
She points to her cheek. I snot on her in my attempt, I'm laughing so hard.
"Now look what you did!"
She waves a broken smoke at me. I didn't touch it, I protest. It wasn't me.
"It wazh your lack of lovesh for me. Your lack of lovesh broke my shigarette!"
No, no, you're mistaken. My love for you is so mighty I could shit entire cigarette companies out of my ass for you.
"You promish?"
I swear. I'm shitting out a whole carton of cigarettes as we speak.
She squinted at my ass suspiciously.
"I am apeeshed".
With that she fell out of my car and staggered up her walk. As I drove away I could hear her bellowing, "MORE THAN EVERYONE!! COMBINED!! ASS SMOKES!!"
She is so SO seriously not wrong.
About my love for her at any rate...
Best. Drive. Home. EVAR.
We get to Kneegs' house and she squinted at me, "You love me more than anyone."
It was not a question.
"Say it. SAY IT. YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYONE!"
I laughingly obey.
"Don't you placade me Whizhey"
Ha. Pla-what?
"Placade! Uh. Flacade? Faca....FUCX YOU WHITE LADY! YER SO DAMNED LIPPITY!"
I die laughing.
"YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYONE!"
I do. I do!
"MORE THAN ANYONE. SAY IT!!"
Ahahaha, more than anyone I swear.
"MORE THAN EVERYONE COMBINED! COMBINED!!! SAY IT!
I can barely breathe. Combined! I swear!
"Now you will kiss me!"
She points to her cheek. I snot on her in my attempt, I'm laughing so hard.
"Now look what you did!"
She waves a broken smoke at me. I didn't touch it, I protest. It wasn't me.
"It wazh your lack of lovesh for me. Your lack of lovesh broke my shigarette!"
No, no, you're mistaken. My love for you is so mighty I could shit entire cigarette companies out of my ass for you.
"You promish?"
I swear. I'm shitting out a whole carton of cigarettes as we speak.
She squinted at my ass suspiciously.
"I am apeeshed".
With that she fell out of my car and staggered up her walk. As I drove away I could hear her bellowing, "MORE THAN EVERYONE!! COMBINED!! ASS SMOKES!!"
She is so SO seriously not wrong.
About my love for her at any rate...