Sham.Fucking.Wow
Lord I totally slept in half an hour past my alarm this morning. Which, ordinarily, is no biggie but of course today is the one morning I have an early meeting that I can't miss or even be late for. So I grab the closest rumpled clothes from the bedside, toss on a headband and high tail it out of the house without even brushing my hair or teeth, let alone make up. I am not exactly looking put together today, dig?
So when a car pulls up beside me with the window down it doesn't occur to me that this could be anything other than someone lost and looking for directions. Which I totally don't have time for here, People. Being the polite Canadian I am though I slap on a smile anyway and return the guy's enthusiastic HI!
Guy: I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are.
At this point I'm so stressed about missing the meeting that I still didn't get it. So I just say thanks and after missing a beat where my ignorant ass just wants to give him his damned directions already I follow up with 'is there something I can help you with?'.
Guy: Well I was wondering if I can take you for lunch?
Clue.
In.
Me: Oh. Ooooohhhh. Thanks, but I'm married.
Guy: Yeah, I know. I talked to your husband.
Well. This is a new one.
Me: You know my husband?
Guy: Sure, yeah. And he seems like he'd be pretty "understanding".
Me (with the biggest shit eating grin ever): Then you know he's a cop?
Guy: OH FUCK!!!
And I just stood there laughing as he peeled off in such a panic he actually squealed his tires. I'm sure this goes without saying but...
He had frosted hair.
So when a car pulls up beside me with the window down it doesn't occur to me that this could be anything other than someone lost and looking for directions. Which I totally don't have time for here, People. Being the polite Canadian I am though I slap on a smile anyway and return the guy's enthusiastic HI!
Guy: I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are.
At this point I'm so stressed about missing the meeting that I still didn't get it. So I just say thanks and after missing a beat where my ignorant ass just wants to give him his damned directions already I follow up with 'is there something I can help you with?'.
Guy: Well I was wondering if I can take you for lunch?
Clue.
In.
Me: Oh. Ooooohhhh. Thanks, but I'm married.
Guy: Yeah, I know. I talked to your husband.
Well. This is a new one.
Me: You know my husband?
Guy: Sure, yeah. And he seems like he'd be pretty "understanding".
Me (with the biggest shit eating grin ever): Then you know he's a cop?
Guy: OH FUCK!!!
And I just stood there laughing as he peeled off in such a panic he actually squealed his tires. I'm sure this goes without saying but...
He had frosted hair.