(no subject)
I'm not really here. Because I'm very busy and important and in buckets of pain and thus cannot possibly be here wasting time when I have a Business Plan due in 2 and a half hours. That would irresponsible and foolish and I am certainly neither of those things.
But while I'm not actually here I feel compelled to point out that it was pointed out to me that given the aggregious assault and theft that occurred to me yesterday some compensation is due. I was under the impression that without a tooth to put under my pillow the Tooth Fairy was under no obligation to visit but as it turns out as a Victim of Violent Crime I'm actually entitled ADDITIONAL benefits as outlined in the Tooth Fairy Act (TFA), sub section 2.4 entitled "Fratboy You'd Best Be Paying Attention". Now I don't want to speak out of turn but the words 'diamonds' and 'vacations' were bandied about rather freely. Being the infinitely reasonable and agreeable person that I am though I'm sure I could be assuaged with new frock, say in the infinitely satisfying tiny little size 6 that I now am but own very little of? Perhaps something in a summer dress with a twirly skirt? Not that I'm making demands or anything. That would be so highly inappropriate and unlike me.
Huh. Now that I'm done pimping out my eljay for pity presents it turns out I have nothing to say. Must be the residual shock and trauma. I've heard matching shoes (in a size 8 or 8.5) can really go a long way towards recovering from shock and trauma.
Just saying'...
But while I'm not actually here I feel compelled to point out that it was pointed out to me that given the aggregious assault and theft that occurred to me yesterday some compensation is due. I was under the impression that without a tooth to put under my pillow the Tooth Fairy was under no obligation to visit but as it turns out as a Victim of Violent Crime I'm actually entitled ADDITIONAL benefits as outlined in the Tooth Fairy Act (TFA), sub section 2.4 entitled "Fratboy You'd Best Be Paying Attention". Now I don't want to speak out of turn but the words 'diamonds' and 'vacations' were bandied about rather freely. Being the infinitely reasonable and agreeable person that I am though I'm sure I could be assuaged with new frock, say in the infinitely satisfying tiny little size 6 that I now am but own very little of? Perhaps something in a summer dress with a twirly skirt? Not that I'm making demands or anything. That would be so highly inappropriate and unlike me.
Huh. Now that I'm done pimping out my eljay for pity presents it turns out I have nothing to say. Must be the residual shock and trauma. I've heard matching shoes (in a size 8 or 8.5) can really go a long way towards recovering from shock and trauma.
Just saying'...