(no subject)
Oh holy fuck I hate teeth. Even the nicest, most wonderful dentist in the world can't do much when your teeth are complete douchebags. And mine are. My teeth are fucking douchebags. That's right, I said it. I'm not covering for your pointy little douchebaggie asses anymore.
Douchebags.
So Wednesday I met the nicest, most wonderful dentist in the world who went a long way towards reassuring me that we didn't have kick my entire face in because it was such a lost cause of a project, nor did we have to mortgage the house or sell one of the kids to fix shit. That's nice. Unfortunately the source of my biggest pain looks like root canal central which is a shock to no one who knows me I'm sure. So she sends me off to her Endo guy, who is also hilarious and faboo and was making boob jokes with me right off the bat so I know we're gonna get along just fine. But the old filling that fell out is below the gum line so he has to send me to the Perio guy to make sure there's enough good toofer left to attach a crown to after the root canal so I'm off to meet my third new dentist of the day. This guy frosts his very busy hair though so I'm not sure how we're going to feel about each other. Then he proceeds to ensure I will hate him for at least a couple of days cuz he can't give me the go ahead for the root canal just by looking, we need to have gum surgery and either he'll open up my gums and we're good to go and he'll shave the gum back in preparation for the root canal and crown or we won't be good to go and then he'll extract the stupid douchebag tooth and at least the pain will be over. Except he doesn't have any openings until Tuesday and this was Wednesday if you recall and now it's Friday and I kind of want to rip out a few toenails just for fun, to shake things up a little here in Pain Hell.
And my wedding rings are hanging off me again and right now it's irritating me SO FUCKING MUCH I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.
But etcet had amusing dreams about me and a labia-wrapped fuckmuppet. It's always nice to be remembered. Especially so fondly.
Plus it's Niter Eve, which is the best Eve of all the Eves that ever Eved.
And I really *heart* What Would Tyler Durden Do in my PANTS:
"Keep in mind that Jolie is attending because she’s nominated for Best Actress. Aniston is attending for the same reason that people who won tickets on the radio are attending. Jolie has won one Academy Award already, as well as three Golden Globes and two Screen Actors Guild awards. Aniston has won two Teen Choice awards. Jolie is younger, hotter, richer, more successful, and she took Pitt as easily as the Nazis took Paris. Saying this is a rivalry is like saying a hammer and a nail have a rivalry."
Ahahaha. Jolie haters. SUCKERS!
Even better is this quote from John Mayer, Uglyston's current beau in a 2006 Rolling Stone interview:
"Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left--just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow, saying, 'You greedy motherfucker, I've got nothing for you.'"
I don't know why I hate that weasel face douche so much but I do. It doesn't make me pretty I know. But fuck it I'm so fabulous I can afford to be uglied up a little.
Except for those douchebaggie teeth. Those fuckers may be my karmic payback for being so mean to Jennifer Aniston all these years...
Douchebags.
So Wednesday I met the nicest, most wonderful dentist in the world who went a long way towards reassuring me that we didn't have kick my entire face in because it was such a lost cause of a project, nor did we have to mortgage the house or sell one of the kids to fix shit. That's nice. Unfortunately the source of my biggest pain looks like root canal central which is a shock to no one who knows me I'm sure. So she sends me off to her Endo guy, who is also hilarious and faboo and was making boob jokes with me right off the bat so I know we're gonna get along just fine. But the old filling that fell out is below the gum line so he has to send me to the Perio guy to make sure there's enough good toofer left to attach a crown to after the root canal so I'm off to meet my third new dentist of the day. This guy frosts his very busy hair though so I'm not sure how we're going to feel about each other. Then he proceeds to ensure I will hate him for at least a couple of days cuz he can't give me the go ahead for the root canal just by looking, we need to have gum surgery and either he'll open up my gums and we're good to go and he'll shave the gum back in preparation for the root canal and crown or we won't be good to go and then he'll extract the stupid douchebag tooth and at least the pain will be over. Except he doesn't have any openings until Tuesday and this was Wednesday if you recall and now it's Friday and I kind of want to rip out a few toenails just for fun, to shake things up a little here in Pain Hell.
And my wedding rings are hanging off me again and right now it's irritating me SO FUCKING MUCH I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.
But etcet had amusing dreams about me and a labia-wrapped fuckmuppet. It's always nice to be remembered. Especially so fondly.
Plus it's Niter Eve, which is the best Eve of all the Eves that ever Eved.
And I really *heart* What Would Tyler Durden Do in my PANTS:
"Keep in mind that Jolie is attending because she’s nominated for Best Actress. Aniston is attending for the same reason that people who won tickets on the radio are attending. Jolie has won one Academy Award already, as well as three Golden Globes and two Screen Actors Guild awards. Aniston has won two Teen Choice awards. Jolie is younger, hotter, richer, more successful, and she took Pitt as easily as the Nazis took Paris. Saying this is a rivalry is like saying a hammer and a nail have a rivalry."
Ahahaha. Jolie haters. SUCKERS!
Even better is this quote from John Mayer, Uglyston's current beau in a 2006 Rolling Stone interview:
"Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left--just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow, saying, 'You greedy motherfucker, I've got nothing for you.'"
I don't know why I hate that weasel face douche so much but I do. It doesn't make me pretty I know. But fuck it I'm so fabulous I can afford to be uglied up a little.
Except for those douchebaggie teeth. Those fuckers may be my karmic payback for being so mean to Jennifer Aniston all these years...