(no subject)
Dude if people seriously don't stop talking about bacon I may stab someone soon. For realz. Every page of my damned flist is overrun with bacon talk and all I want out of life is to take this picture:
...and remake it with with crispy cooked bacon and then eat it off myself. Which would be kind of hard given that my tits put the bag back in funbags. Fucking breastfeeding. Fucking bacon.
Fuck.
Though because I am a crusty cunt who doesn't get enough cheeseburgers, pictures of celebrities caught in SPANX make me happy in my no-no holes:
She's so twee and yet she wears sausage casings! It's disturbing and adorable at the same time.
Speaking of sausage casings mine have officially been retired. I have finally surrendered the muu-muus too and it's been really odd this past week because every single day no fewer than 2-3 people have stopped me to say how skinny I look all of a sudden:
We're now at 22 pounds down in 11 weeks. According to the trainer douchebag I still have 20 more to go! We'll see. I'm not married to any particular number on a scale, I just want to like what I look like nekkid. Originally I thought this would be my goal weight but there's still some baby pudge under there that I am Michael Phelpsing off. Those are the size 10 pants I bought last month. They are now baggy on me. We're heading into size 8 territory which is unheard of for me, even before babies. And the compliments are nice validation but also make me want to start fucking skulls. Like what, a chick can't be hot until and unless she's a size 10 or under? It is fucking my shit up how dramatic the difference from invisible to catcalled my life has gone in just a few measly pounds. No word of a lie guys are suddenly opening doors for me again, and giving me their seats on the subway just to chat me up. Dude, this is Toronto. I sometimes didn't get seats on the ttc even when I was 9 months pregnant and clearly, desperately in need.
I used to think the compliment train was drying up because I was getting older. Only being 29 that's crazy talk I know. But it's interesting in a sociological experiment sort of way that the thinner I get the markedly increased the attention from strange men, despite how much older I am. Does skinny really trump all? Cyn once asked me if I had to choose, skinny or pretty and I always go for pretty. Cuz pretty girls can get skinny but what's an ugly skinny bitch to do?
Lap up all the attention all the time apparently.
It's weird and it's way more profound a subject than I am capable of tackling at 2 on Thursday when I have a Bagel-ful waiting for me in the toaster. It's bagel day today which is almost as good as bacon day cuz it involves cream cheese but sadly not bacon so it is slightly subpar. Only slightly. But anyway today all I want in life aside from bacon are bagels and cream cheese and so I have had one every other hour since I woke up and because they are only 190 calories I can and will keep doing that until I go to bed and still lose weight. Thank you Daily Plate dot com. For the most part I eat like a sane, healthy person but every so often a bitch just needs to go off the deep end and injest all the cream cheese in the world. But not all the bacon. No matter how much I beg it too Daily Plate will not agree with me that Bacon Day is a good idea.
Boo.
Also I'm wrong in the head cuz when I read about Jennifer Garner getting a restraining order against her stalker all I could think is how hot he is:
...and remake it with with crispy cooked bacon and then eat it off myself. Which would be kind of hard given that my tits put the bag back in funbags. Fucking breastfeeding. Fucking bacon.
Fuck.
Though because I am a crusty cunt who doesn't get enough cheeseburgers, pictures of celebrities caught in SPANX make me happy in my no-no holes:
She's so twee and yet she wears sausage casings! It's disturbing and adorable at the same time.
Speaking of sausage casings mine have officially been retired. I have finally surrendered the muu-muus too and it's been really odd this past week because every single day no fewer than 2-3 people have stopped me to say how skinny I look all of a sudden:
We're now at 22 pounds down in 11 weeks. According to the trainer douchebag I still have 20 more to go! We'll see. I'm not married to any particular number on a scale, I just want to like what I look like nekkid. Originally I thought this would be my goal weight but there's still some baby pudge under there that I am Michael Phelpsing off. Those are the size 10 pants I bought last month. They are now baggy on me. We're heading into size 8 territory which is unheard of for me, even before babies. And the compliments are nice validation but also make me want to start fucking skulls. Like what, a chick can't be hot until and unless she's a size 10 or under? It is fucking my shit up how dramatic the difference from invisible to catcalled my life has gone in just a few measly pounds. No word of a lie guys are suddenly opening doors for me again, and giving me their seats on the subway just to chat me up. Dude, this is Toronto. I sometimes didn't get seats on the ttc even when I was 9 months pregnant and clearly, desperately in need.
I used to think the compliment train was drying up because I was getting older. Only being 29 that's crazy talk I know. But it's interesting in a sociological experiment sort of way that the thinner I get the markedly increased the attention from strange men, despite how much older I am. Does skinny really trump all? Cyn once asked me if I had to choose, skinny or pretty and I always go for pretty. Cuz pretty girls can get skinny but what's an ugly skinny bitch to do?
Lap up all the attention all the time apparently.
It's weird and it's way more profound a subject than I am capable of tackling at 2 on Thursday when I have a Bagel-ful waiting for me in the toaster. It's bagel day today which is almost as good as bacon day cuz it involves cream cheese but sadly not bacon so it is slightly subpar. Only slightly. But anyway today all I want in life aside from bacon are bagels and cream cheese and so I have had one every other hour since I woke up and because they are only 190 calories I can and will keep doing that until I go to bed and still lose weight. Thank you Daily Plate dot com. For the most part I eat like a sane, healthy person but every so often a bitch just needs to go off the deep end and injest all the cream cheese in the world. But not all the bacon. No matter how much I beg it too Daily Plate will not agree with me that Bacon Day is a good idea.
Boo.
Also I'm wrong in the head cuz when I read about Jennifer Garner getting a restraining order against her stalker all I could think is how hot he is: