(no subject)
Right. So panic_girl needs to die. Sorry to all y'all who actually, you know, like her and shit. But that bitch waltzed in here earlier this week and got all jazz hands when she saw Cyn's Twix bars and was all 'hey you need to freeze that shit' and would not shut up until we did. No try it. No really. Bitch was all up in my grill and so fine, FINE. Never mind that I don't even like fucking Twix. I will break another tooth or two to appease Red and so I ate it. And then I ate another one. And then I said fuck these regular bars and I started buying the King Size. Then I just gave up all dignity and started buying the 4 packs at the grocery store. I have eaten all the Twix in the world this week.[1] All of them. If you happen to find a stray one lying around for the love of god DON'T GO NEAR IT! I may very well sneak up behind you and gnaw off several of your fingers in my feeding frenzy.
I need a fucking intervention. Pleez to be helping me. I have looked at every fat photo of myself I can find but it's kind of hard to focus on them what with the NOMNOMNOM. My fattest photos look remarkably fine behind a haze of flying frozen cookie crumbs. I've tried to kick myself in the head to no avail. My unending appetite knows full well Niter is not available to beat me into submission this week.
Not to put too fine a point on it but when you consume nothing but frozen Twix bars for several days your insides can get a little, well, testy. I am so far gone I was doubled over on the can earlier this evening and I would have been screaming in pain except, you know, my mouth was too busy eating yet another fucking Twix bar. I am right now eating the last frozen Twix from the freezer, possibly the last Twix on the planet and already the withdrawal is making me twitchy. How bad would it be really, REALLY, if I were to just leave the kids and go get some more. They're asleep. They'll never know.
Ha.
Let's start the countdown now to see when Children's Aid shows up.
Anyways Twix addiction aside it's been a loverly day. Frattie's off being a (d)Ork this weekend so I'm bogarting all the babylove. I took the kids to see Cyn and Crispin cuz HAI, obviously we can't survive a day without each other. Ha. In my desperate escape to get to more frozen Twix I left the book I was reading behind. The PHEAR of what Niter's going to do to me was great enough that I packed all hundred pounds of Beasties into the wagon and pushed them all the way to Cyn's and back to retrieve it. I may have burned off half of one of the bars.
Tonight Twisty G cuddled up on the couch with me to watch a movie as is becoming a thing whenever Fratman's not around. He greatly enjoyed All The Right Moves last LARP weekend. Tonight we got about 15 minutes into Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and he was all 'mommy? I go to bed now okay?'. Ha. Only 3 years old and I'm already horrifying him with my bad taste.
I wish I was at the pig roast.
I wish I had more Twix.
I wish I didn't want any more Twix.
I wish I was the fly girl in the Dangerous video Cyn posted.
I wish I knew who the fuck Kardi is. Cyn hasn't been skooling me proper.
I wish I could write more and think less. I'm chewing on a brick of mental shit lately and I just can't seem to break it down. It's all good though. I mean. Not the shit part, just in general. I have the best, fattest life. I just wish I knew what this lingering mental malaise is.
Whatever. I have the house to myself and Kardi. It is time to dance!
[1]Which really amounts to 7. I've eaten 7 Twix bars since Thursday. Which is possibly not quite all the Twix in the world. But it's still 7 more than I would ever ordinarily eat...
I need a fucking intervention. Pleez to be helping me. I have looked at every fat photo of myself I can find but it's kind of hard to focus on them what with the NOMNOMNOM. My fattest photos look remarkably fine behind a haze of flying frozen cookie crumbs. I've tried to kick myself in the head to no avail. My unending appetite knows full well Niter is not available to beat me into submission this week.
Not to put too fine a point on it but when you consume nothing but frozen Twix bars for several days your insides can get a little, well, testy. I am so far gone I was doubled over on the can earlier this evening and I would have been screaming in pain except, you know, my mouth was too busy eating yet another fucking Twix bar. I am right now eating the last frozen Twix from the freezer, possibly the last Twix on the planet and already the withdrawal is making me twitchy. How bad would it be really, REALLY, if I were to just leave the kids and go get some more. They're asleep. They'll never know.
Ha.
Let's start the countdown now to see when Children's Aid shows up.
Anyways Twix addiction aside it's been a loverly day. Frattie's off being a (d)Ork this weekend so I'm bogarting all the babylove. I took the kids to see Cyn and Crispin cuz HAI, obviously we can't survive a day without each other. Ha. In my desperate escape to get to more frozen Twix I left the book I was reading behind. The PHEAR of what Niter's going to do to me was great enough that I packed all hundred pounds of Beasties into the wagon and pushed them all the way to Cyn's and back to retrieve it. I may have burned off half of one of the bars.
Tonight Twisty G cuddled up on the couch with me to watch a movie as is becoming a thing whenever Fratman's not around. He greatly enjoyed All The Right Moves last LARP weekend. Tonight we got about 15 minutes into Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and he was all 'mommy? I go to bed now okay?'. Ha. Only 3 years old and I'm already horrifying him with my bad taste.
I wish I was at the pig roast.
I wish I had more Twix.
I wish I didn't want any more Twix.
I wish I was the fly girl in the Dangerous video Cyn posted.
I wish I knew who the fuck Kardi is. Cyn hasn't been skooling me proper.
I wish I could write more and think less. I'm chewing on a brick of mental shit lately and I just can't seem to break it down. It's all good though. I mean. Not the shit part, just in general. I have the best, fattest life. I just wish I knew what this lingering mental malaise is.
Whatever. I have the house to myself and Kardi. It is time to dance!
[1]Which really amounts to 7. I've eaten 7 Twix bars since Thursday. Which is possibly not quite all the Twix in the world. But it's still 7 more than I would ever ordinarily eat...