(no subject)
You know there are relatively few rules that I live my life by, because I can be a bit jazz-hands about how I spend my days. Let's keep the restrictions to a minimum, but, you know, really believe in and abide by those restrictions that are in place. One of those rules is never, ever, ever try to smuggle alcohol across the border. It's illegal kiddies, and immoral and just plain wrong. Kind of like Paris Hilton's face. I'm just sayin'.
But back to the booze that I would never, ever smuggle. Rumour has it that if you do try to smuggle booze across the border, which I highly do NOT recommend, that you should especially never, ever do so with Shifty Knickers Mitchell in the car with you. See normally she's No Knickers Mitchell which strangely tends to result in No Problems border crossings but this time she wore knickers, and ill fitting ones at that so they tended to shift around a lot and a frightening amount of time was spent pulling them out of the inappropriate places they landed hence the new Shifty Knickers moniker for which an icon will need to be created post haste. Plot. Lost. Focus. Oh right...so anyways the reason I never try to smuggle alcohol and especially never, ever with anyone named Shifty Knickers is apparently it can make you look suspect. Rumour has it that it can result in being pulled over at the border. Strip searches may or may not be involved. Pant shitting is generally a result.
Not a thing of beauty in general.
That said it was an odd abberation that this weekend's jaunt to Buffalo included a stop in a liquor store. You know, since we would never ever smuggle any across the border or anything. Never. In fact we didn't even know it was a booze store since it said "Spirits" and I was feeling particularly religious this weekend and thought I could find something within to help me feel closer to God. I did. In fact some might argue that I have never said 'ohgodohgodohgodohgod' as frequently or with such passionate reverence before in my life.
All of that to say, this accidental stop for product we would never ever buy resulted in one of the best funnays of the day:
I daresay after all that build up the photo itself may be a bit of disappointment. It just really tickled me that the picture on the label has her table and chair set up to face the corner. If it wasn't of such questionable origin and, of course, so very illegal I might have bought some to take back with me. Instead I thought the photo would be enough. It's not. Ah well.
In other random notes when I saw that a $50 dollah bottle of vodka here sells for $21 in Buffalo I almost set my entire country on fire just to watch it burn. Sure we've got that nifty health care and year of maternity leave but 2 and a half times the cost for booze?! Who do I start the vagina punches with?
Also when did anal become a first date activity? Remember when I was once considered kinky and a whore? What the shit has happened to kids these days?
Also, remember when I was a feminist? Why am I now extra grateful for Team Testicle? Why is the thought of my boys scoring anal on the first date okay but the thought of a daughter giving up anal a problem? Why am I even using the words scoring and giving up in relation to gender?
Ugh, all these questions are making me dizzy and nauseous.
Or it could be all the illegal vodka I didn't drink last night.
Ha.
Will Smith is totally gay. I told you this was random. But you people totally need to own it.
36 straight hours of complete self indulgence and irresponsibility were Most Excellent. Nowhere near long enough though. I kept telling Niter how fabulous her life was and how I hoped she knew it. Then I went home and got all the baby squishes and love in the world and figured my life, she ain't so bad either.
The End.
But back to the booze that I would never, ever smuggle. Rumour has it that if you do try to smuggle booze across the border, which I highly do NOT recommend, that you should especially never, ever do so with Shifty Knickers Mitchell in the car with you. See normally she's No Knickers Mitchell which strangely tends to result in No Problems border crossings but this time she wore knickers, and ill fitting ones at that so they tended to shift around a lot and a frightening amount of time was spent pulling them out of the inappropriate places they landed hence the new Shifty Knickers moniker for which an icon will need to be created post haste. Plot. Lost. Focus. Oh right...so anyways the reason I never try to smuggle alcohol and especially never, ever with anyone named Shifty Knickers is apparently it can make you look suspect. Rumour has it that it can result in being pulled over at the border. Strip searches may or may not be involved. Pant shitting is generally a result.
Not a thing of beauty in general.
That said it was an odd abberation that this weekend's jaunt to Buffalo included a stop in a liquor store. You know, since we would never ever smuggle any across the border or anything. Never. In fact we didn't even know it was a booze store since it said "Spirits" and I was feeling particularly religious this weekend and thought I could find something within to help me feel closer to God. I did. In fact some might argue that I have never said 'ohgodohgodohgodohgod' as frequently or with such passionate reverence before in my life.
All of that to say, this accidental stop for product we would never ever buy resulted in one of the best funnays of the day:
I daresay after all that build up the photo itself may be a bit of disappointment. It just really tickled me that the picture on the label has her table and chair set up to face the corner. If it wasn't of such questionable origin and, of course, so very illegal I might have bought some to take back with me. Instead I thought the photo would be enough. It's not. Ah well.
In other random notes when I saw that a $50 dollah bottle of vodka here sells for $21 in Buffalo I almost set my entire country on fire just to watch it burn. Sure we've got that nifty health care and year of maternity leave but 2 and a half times the cost for booze?! Who do I start the vagina punches with?
Also when did anal become a first date activity? Remember when I was once considered kinky and a whore? What the shit has happened to kids these days?
Also, remember when I was a feminist? Why am I now extra grateful for Team Testicle? Why is the thought of my boys scoring anal on the first date okay but the thought of a daughter giving up anal a problem? Why am I even using the words scoring and giving up in relation to gender?
Ugh, all these questions are making me dizzy and nauseous.
Or it could be all the illegal vodka I didn't drink last night.
Ha.
Will Smith is totally gay. I told you this was random. But you people totally need to own it.
36 straight hours of complete self indulgence and irresponsibility were Most Excellent. Nowhere near long enough though. I kept telling Niter how fabulous her life was and how I hoped she knew it. Then I went home and got all the baby squishes and love in the world and figured my life, she ain't so bad either.
The End.