(no subject)
My ass is growing mold from lying on that damned couch.
I stink and the building has turned off the hot water today so I cannot cleanse the filth from my person.
My son has it in for me. Two days ago in the midst of tickle-fit-induced-glee he bit my belly hard enough to leave a big round bruise on it. Yesterday under similar circumstances he bit my nipple clean off. The right one, which incidentally is the same victim of the recent Glass Shard Incident. I've jerry-rigged a duct tape and crazy glue solution and am hoping for the best. Meanwhile, today an inadvertant headbutt has left a bruised goose egg on my forehead.
I think it might have been safer to do my bedrest at work.
Today I sweat and heaved and strained as though the mother of all bricks of shit was going to fall out of my ass only to be rewarded with the tiniest delicate little "plink" for all my efforts.
I nearly ripped the toilet clean out of the floor in impotent rage.
Let's not even get into The State of The Hemorrhoids. Suffice it to say I never thought I would have to actively search to find my own anus.
My leg hairs are so long they actually stand up and wave at me now. Or perhaps they're giving me the big hairy finger and I've just lost the plot so far I can't even tell. Either way I'm being mocked by my own leg hairs and I do not appreciate it.
And then...
Cyn tried to put Twisty G down for his nap only to have him get right back up and come out, sleepy man-fist waving in the air for me to hold his hand. Apparently only a mama-tuck-in would do today as he was asleep before I even finished squishing his squidgy little face.
I, naturally, promptly melted into a puddle of goo.
A big, moldy, stinky, hairy puddle of goo.
With a couple of hemorrhoids and a rogue nipple floating in it.
I stink and the building has turned off the hot water today so I cannot cleanse the filth from my person.
My son has it in for me. Two days ago in the midst of tickle-fit-induced-glee he bit my belly hard enough to leave a big round bruise on it. Yesterday under similar circumstances he bit my nipple clean off. The right one, which incidentally is the same victim of the recent Glass Shard Incident. I've jerry-rigged a duct tape and crazy glue solution and am hoping for the best. Meanwhile, today an inadvertant headbutt has left a bruised goose egg on my forehead.
I think it might have been safer to do my bedrest at work.
Today I sweat and heaved and strained as though the mother of all bricks of shit was going to fall out of my ass only to be rewarded with the tiniest delicate little "plink" for all my efforts.
I nearly ripped the toilet clean out of the floor in impotent rage.
Let's not even get into The State of The Hemorrhoids. Suffice it to say I never thought I would have to actively search to find my own anus.
My leg hairs are so long they actually stand up and wave at me now. Or perhaps they're giving me the big hairy finger and I've just lost the plot so far I can't even tell. Either way I'm being mocked by my own leg hairs and I do not appreciate it.
And then...
Cyn tried to put Twisty G down for his nap only to have him get right back up and come out, sleepy man-fist waving in the air for me to hold his hand. Apparently only a mama-tuck-in would do today as he was asleep before I even finished squishing his squidgy little face.
I, naturally, promptly melted into a puddle of goo.
A big, moldy, stinky, hairy puddle of goo.
With a couple of hemorrhoids and a rogue nipple floating in it.