What I've Done
Who: Terra and Raven
Where: Terra's Room
When: 12:01am
- - - - -
***
A usual blur of violence. A flash of green, claws, razor sharp teeth. A mass of orange, black, and brown. Snarling, yelling, taunting, denials. All while she watched helplessly on the side. Then, a loud, crumbling and rumbling below your feet. Mirrors, dozens upon dozens of mirros, some of them breaking, a high, helpless voice yelling at the deep, intimidating one, the one that kept telling her what to do, who was always right. Loud, deafening roaring. Crying, which was yours, high helpless pleading, which was yours. Your tried to explain, but he wasn't listening. And what used to be a comforting, innocent face, now dark and angry.
"Slade was right. You don't have any friends."
In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
After that, it was a flurry of horrorific screaming, running. Buildings smashing, cars smashing, robots firing, and finally, the monotonous march of soldiers. You see their faces, and you hate them. Your hate yourself for ever loving them, especially him. You hit him, throwing him to the ground. Endless violence around you, over and over again, for you don't know how long.You watch with sadisitc pleasure as their retreat. You drown that smart aleck bitch in the mud you think she is. You have to listen to their pathetic leader lecture you. You take him down yourself; you know the others are disappearing as you speak. And finally, him.
And most clearly, he looks up at you, stunned hurt in his face.
"Terra ... you can't." A shudder of anger passes through you to hear him say your name that way.
"Just watch me."
And then, he disappears, his eyes fixed on you, down into the ground, for good. You slam the rock into him sharply, hoping his bones were all broken.
And you don't care.
***
Terra jerked awake in her sheets, looking around her room frantically. The shadows over the shapes of the furniture didn't reassure her until she finally let her breathing become regular. Of all the nightmares, that one was the worse. There had been the ones where Slade was would beat her nearly to death, or where Beast Boy and the rest of the team turning on her, of being engulged in that stone, and being so cold in it she thought she was dead, or wished she was.
But this one was always the worst. Because in this one, she never showed any mercy, and she hated them all. She always awoke wanted to hit herself for it. It was logic she could control while she was dreaming. THEY should be the ones forgiving her, she shouldn't be the one hating them again, and she knew it. She'd thought she was rid of that part of herself, and it terrified her that it ever resurfaced. It was more vivid hate than any other dream.
Pulling herself from the sheets to stand, hopefully to get some water and shake it off, she glanced at the clock, and her eyes widened a bit in disbelief.
12:01.
The infamous time of her betrayal attack. She had to be seeing things, she told herself, and hurried into the bathroom. Where did this dream come from? She hadn't talked to or even thought of Slade lately. Surely, surely, it didn't come from her, did it? The geomancer shivered and walked on the cold tile, reaching for a brush to brush the dissheveled hair from her face.
Had she not forgiven herself? Had the team not forgiven her? Would Raven ever let it go?
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done
If she wasn't over it, how was anyone else supposed to be? Washing her face off, she looked up at the mirror, a few strands of her long hair covering one half of her face. Only the frame of her face visible, she stared into the dark sparkle of her eye in the mirror. Something Slade had said to her in training came instantly to her mind.
"There is something there within you, Terra. A blazing determination that will never leave you. A part of me I see in your eyes."
"NO!" Without thinking, Terra was instantly furious; it couldn't be true and it WASN'T. She was part of this team, she was good, and she was NOT part of him. Unable to look at herself in the mirror anymore, she threw her fist at her reflection, causing the center of it ti buckle and crack between the unnatural strength in which she hit it. For a minute, she couldn't move, not feeling a few shards of glass cutting into her fist.
I’ve faced myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done
Then, remembering it was the middle of the night and starting to feel the sting of blood on her hand, she jerked away, cradling her hand with the other. It was over. She would do what she would have to do gain their trust, to prove to them, herself, and everyone else that half of her was dead and gone, and was never coming back. She shook out the few pieces of glass lodged her hand and covered it in toilet paper to stop the bleeding. She'd clean the mirror and take it out it the morning, she'd think of something to explain it. Something without lying.
But that part of her was gone with the broken mirror.
Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I cleaned this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty
Where: Terra's Room
When: 12:01am
- - - - -
***
A usual blur of violence. A flash of green, claws, razor sharp teeth. A mass of orange, black, and brown. Snarling, yelling, taunting, denials. All while she watched helplessly on the side. Then, a loud, crumbling and rumbling below your feet. Mirrors, dozens upon dozens of mirros, some of them breaking, a high, helpless voice yelling at the deep, intimidating one, the one that kept telling her what to do, who was always right. Loud, deafening roaring. Crying, which was yours, high helpless pleading, which was yours. Your tried to explain, but he wasn't listening. And what used to be a comforting, innocent face, now dark and angry.
"Slade was right. You don't have any friends."
In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
After that, it was a flurry of horrorific screaming, running. Buildings smashing, cars smashing, robots firing, and finally, the monotonous march of soldiers. You see their faces, and you hate them. Your hate yourself for ever loving them, especially him. You hit him, throwing him to the ground. Endless violence around you, over and over again, for you don't know how long.You watch with sadisitc pleasure as their retreat. You drown that smart aleck bitch in the mud you think she is. You have to listen to their pathetic leader lecture you. You take him down yourself; you know the others are disappearing as you speak. And finally, him.
And most clearly, he looks up at you, stunned hurt in his face.
"Terra ... you can't." A shudder of anger passes through you to hear him say your name that way.
"Just watch me."
And then, he disappears, his eyes fixed on you, down into the ground, for good. You slam the rock into him sharply, hoping his bones were all broken.
And you don't care.
***
Terra jerked awake in her sheets, looking around her room frantically. The shadows over the shapes of the furniture didn't reassure her until she finally let her breathing become regular. Of all the nightmares, that one was the worse. There had been the ones where Slade was would beat her nearly to death, or where Beast Boy and the rest of the team turning on her, of being engulged in that stone, and being so cold in it she thought she was dead, or wished she was.
But this one was always the worst. Because in this one, she never showed any mercy, and she hated them all. She always awoke wanted to hit herself for it. It was logic she could control while she was dreaming. THEY should be the ones forgiving her, she shouldn't be the one hating them again, and she knew it. She'd thought she was rid of that part of herself, and it terrified her that it ever resurfaced. It was more vivid hate than any other dream.
Pulling herself from the sheets to stand, hopefully to get some water and shake it off, she glanced at the clock, and her eyes widened a bit in disbelief.
12:01.
The infamous time of her betrayal attack. She had to be seeing things, she told herself, and hurried into the bathroom. Where did this dream come from? She hadn't talked to or even thought of Slade lately. Surely, surely, it didn't come from her, did it? The geomancer shivered and walked on the cold tile, reaching for a brush to brush the dissheveled hair from her face.
Had she not forgiven herself? Had the team not forgiven her? Would Raven ever let it go?
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done
If she wasn't over it, how was anyone else supposed to be? Washing her face off, she looked up at the mirror, a few strands of her long hair covering one half of her face. Only the frame of her face visible, she stared into the dark sparkle of her eye in the mirror. Something Slade had said to her in training came instantly to her mind.
"There is something there within you, Terra. A blazing determination that will never leave you. A part of me I see in your eyes."
"NO!" Without thinking, Terra was instantly furious; it couldn't be true and it WASN'T. She was part of this team, she was good, and she was NOT part of him. Unable to look at herself in the mirror anymore, she threw her fist at her reflection, causing the center of it ti buckle and crack between the unnatural strength in which she hit it. For a minute, she couldn't move, not feeling a few shards of glass cutting into her fist.
I’ve faced myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done
Then, remembering it was the middle of the night and starting to feel the sting of blood on her hand, she jerked away, cradling her hand with the other. It was over. She would do what she would have to do gain their trust, to prove to them, herself, and everyone else that half of her was dead and gone, and was never coming back. She shook out the few pieces of glass lodged her hand and covered it in toilet paper to stop the bleeding. She'd clean the mirror and take it out it the morning, she'd think of something to explain it. Something without lying.
But that part of her was gone with the broken mirror.
Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I cleaned this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty