at the turn of the tide (or, in which i whine a lot and then get over it through the use of movies)
So, the apartment inspection is not Friday, as Cash has been telling me for days.
It's today.
I found this out late last night after spending the whole evening packing and not cleaning. The place is a shambles. In my original plan, everything was going to be packed and pristine by Friday. My schedule was off by a day, since on Monday I came home to a kitchen full of ants, but still, I would have been completely prepared for a Friday inspection. Learning that it was happening in a matter of hours destroyed my will to continue. There was a time a thing like that would have spurred me on.
But I gave up. Nobody else has cleaned a thing yet, and I was tired and I sure as fuck wasn't going to stay up all night. So I went and rented Charlie Bartlett, watched it and fell asleep. On the floor, because Cash moved his bed already. I've got a pile of blankets on top of a camping pad that Adam and Karla were nice enough to lend me.
I regained some of my self-respect this morning when, after an hour of hitting the snooze button and agonizing over whether to call in and go back to sleep, I opted to be a grown-up and go to work at the last possible minute. They can't function without me. Better to have a distracted, emo receptionist than none at all, I suppose, and in the long run it looks better for me not to be taking random personal days whenever I get upset. As long as I'm smiling and polite on the phone and to my coworkers, nobody will notice if I pass the rest of the day sitting here vacant-eyed. Hooray for being in the front office by myself.
It's not just the inspection and worrying about my deposit, it's things with boys, and mostly blowing things vastly out of proportion, and the stress of moving in general, and of feeling anchorless.
In an attempt to stop all this overwrought hand-wringing and get over it, I've been watching LOTR videos on YouTube. I watched that wicked Two Towers trailer with the Requiem For A Dream music, and the charge of the Rohirrim on the Pelennor Fields, and then the scene where Gandalf and company show up at Helm's Deep.
Those films are truly epic.
It's today.
I found this out late last night after spending the whole evening packing and not cleaning. The place is a shambles. In my original plan, everything was going to be packed and pristine by Friday. My schedule was off by a day, since on Monday I came home to a kitchen full of ants, but still, I would have been completely prepared for a Friday inspection. Learning that it was happening in a matter of hours destroyed my will to continue. There was a time a thing like that would have spurred me on.
But I gave up. Nobody else has cleaned a thing yet, and I was tired and I sure as fuck wasn't going to stay up all night. So I went and rented Charlie Bartlett, watched it and fell asleep. On the floor, because Cash moved his bed already. I've got a pile of blankets on top of a camping pad that Adam and Karla were nice enough to lend me.
I regained some of my self-respect this morning when, after an hour of hitting the snooze button and agonizing over whether to call in and go back to sleep, I opted to be a grown-up and go to work at the last possible minute. They can't function without me. Better to have a distracted, emo receptionist than none at all, I suppose, and in the long run it looks better for me not to be taking random personal days whenever I get upset. As long as I'm smiling and polite on the phone and to my coworkers, nobody will notice if I pass the rest of the day sitting here vacant-eyed. Hooray for being in the front office by myself.
It's not just the inspection and worrying about my deposit, it's things with boys, and mostly blowing things vastly out of proportion, and the stress of moving in general, and of feeling anchorless.
In an attempt to stop all this overwrought hand-wringing and get over it, I've been watching LOTR videos on YouTube. I watched that wicked Two Towers trailer with the Requiem For A Dream music, and the charge of the Rohirrim on the Pelennor Fields, and then the scene where Gandalf and company show up at Helm's Deep.
Those films are truly epic.