Maybe Someday. Chapter 6.
I think I said something in my previous entry about wishing I could give out happiness to my flist. I'm not sure this is happiness, but it's the best I've got (how good that is, I'll leave up to you...).
This is essentially The Conversation: Part 2. Maybe I should just have called it, 'Chapter 5a' or something, but that sounds rather lame I think. Anyway, if anyone would like to catch up, previous chapters can be found here.
As usual, many over-the-top thank-you's to my beta kathyh who salvaged this chapter! I would be so lost without you Kathy!
This chapter is dedicated to buttersideup and jamalov29. The reasons are wildly different, but you both deserve it, and I only have one chapter ready to post today. I hope you like it.
Feedback will be savoured like fine wine!
Chapter 6
Buffy was kissing Spike and she was happy. There was room for no other thought or feeling. She could feel his arms around her, his cool hands slowly finding their way underneath her pretty lacy top, just as her hands were exploring the body she had thought gone forever. The disconnected sensation that she had carried with her for so long slowly vanished as their bodies instinctively moulded to each other; memory upon memory becoming solid reality beneath her fingers. Like magic all the different pieces in her mind joined up and life made sense again, like a completed jigsaw puzzle. Because Spike was kissing her, and that was all that mattered...
A sudden loud, prolonged crash from the sitting room abruptly brought them back to the present.
Wide eyed they looked at each other.
“Oh, God Buffy...” Spike seemed unable to finish the sentence. The silence stretched out between them as they lay frozen on the bed, until Buffy began to smile. Then she chuckled. Spike’s face, which had been full of uncertainty, started to relax. She pulled a hand out from where it had been caressing his back and gently stroked his face. He was so beautiful. All she wanted to do was to look at him forever.
She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts in order:
“Sometimes I just realise how my life makes no sense at all and... I’d rather laugh than cry.”
She stopped and re-considered. “Actually I’d rather be kissing you than either of those two, but I guess we should stop... kissing leads to - y’know - other things.”
“It does rather,” he replied, as he softly caressed her back, then sighed and slowly let her go.
She smiled again and sat up, carefully rearranging her clothes. “I think it’s my default setting. I have a problem, have sex with Spike.”
He chuckled slightly: “Well, it’s a shame we can’t solve all our problems that way. Tried it, remember? Doesn’t work. Well not for us anyway.”
She pouted. “But we’re so good at it - it ought to work.”
This time he laughed and his eyes twinkled as he answered her: “Got that right little Miss 5-hours-straight.”
Then he looked at her, eyes turning wistful: “If it wasn’t for Angel...” He let the sentence hang unfinished and sighed as he tried to smooth down his hair.
His words brought up another question, and after hesitating a bit, she asked: “What’s with you and Angel? You always hated each other - how come you’re suddenly best friends?”
Spike shook his head, a small smile on his face. “Not friends Buffy - family. There’s a big difference. We’ve got blood-ties, a long shared history and, well, tons of other stuff. Also... we lost everyone else. It was hard enough for me, and I only knew these people for a year. But Angel - he worked with them for so long, they were more than friends.”
He was silent for a little while, then tried to explain: “If you can imagine losing all the Scoobies and Giles, Dawn being sent to live with an adoptive family and having to fight the First Evil with - oh, Faith and Glory as your companions, you’ll get the idea.”
She nodded. Life had been so quiet this past year - no big fights, no big problems, just trying to rebuild her life, and suddenly she was looking into someone else’s life - someone who had lost more than she had.
“I - I’m sorry about that. You should have called. I could have come with all the Slayers and helped you fight.”
Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he looked at her sadly. “Too late now, pet. And this isn’t your fight.”
“But it could be! I could come with you and try to take down the Senior Partners or whatever you’re doing.”
“Oh, no, I need you safe! The last thing we need is the Council to be in the firing line. The Slayers are doing a very important job.”
“But I just want to be with you. If you can’t stay, I want to go with you - Dawn’s going off to university next year, so there’ll be nothing to keep me here.”
He looked at her with wonder. "You would do that?”
She nodded emphatically.
Then he shook his head. “Sorry. Not letting you. You’re not going to throw your life away just because I got caught up in a stupid apocalypse. And there is this other thing...”
“Another thing?”
“Come - come here?” He drew her close into a hug, and held her, unmoving. Then he spoke, voice suddenly unsure: “Another way we could be together, and... that’s another reason I decided to stay and fight with Angel.”
She turned her head and looked at him, and she saw the hesitation in his eyes. “Go on,” she said gently.
He took her hand and then spoke: “Well, this prophecy I mentioned - it also tells what will happen to the souled vampire after the big fight.” He stopped and his eyes unfocussed, obviously trying to recall the exact wording: “The vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, will Shanshu. Bugger of a word that - ‘Shanshu’ - took Wesley a long time to work out apparently. It means - it means that the vampire will become human.”
Buffy knew she had heard what he’d said, but the words refused to make any sort of sense to her and she repeated the last word parrot-like, trying to understand what he was telling her: “Human?”
Spike nodded. “It’s a reward I guess. For services rendered to the bloody Powers That Be. So you see, I thought that maybe if it was me - if I was the one...” He stopped and then continued, speaking rapidly, like a barrier had been removed: “We could actually have a real life together, with the house and the white picket fence and the kids and the wedding in the park where we’d have ‘Wind beneath my wings’ for the first dance...” He stopped abruptly and looked at their hands, entwined. “Of course, considering that this apocalypse is gonna take around a thousand years according to our sources and that I only have a fifty-fifty chance... “ He swallowed. “I know it’s a bloody long shot Buffy, but as far as I can see, it’s the only faintly realistic chance.”
Buffy was staring at him as though she’d never seen him before. She blinked a few times, which probably made her look stupid, but she was for once completely thrown. As she tried to think, she said the first thing that came to mind: “But... but I thought you liked being a vampire!”
Spike’s mouth fell open. Then he frowned, but before he could speak, she cut in: “I mean, you said that becoming a vampire made you feel alive for the first time... and *I* like you just the way you are. I... I don’t know what you’d be like human. Would you be who you are now? Or who you were back then, whoever that was?”
He stared at her in shock: “I don’t... bloody hell, you don’t think they’d somehow turn me back into William, do you? That wouldn’t be a reward, it’d be a bloody cosmic joke.”
“What do you mean? What were you like then... what was William like?”
He didn’t answer. Instead he lifted his hand and gently followed the lines of her face with the tip of a finger. There was a soft look in his eyes and she really didn’t know what to make of him - he seemed to change every other moment.
“Buffy... can I see you again? We’ll be here for a week, and apart from tomorrow night, when I guess we’ll be looking for our contact, we have no plans. We don’t tend to stay anywhere very long because of Wolfram and Hart and this thing they have where they try to kill us all the time, but I suppose they’ll leave us alone for this week. So I just thought... maybe we could go out one night? On... on a date maybe? I’m not sure how safe it’d be, and I really don’t want them to come after you or Dawn, I just... I’d like to see you. Talk to you. Without anyone else around. I might... just might tell you about William.”
A date... now that word brought back some memories... a fake stake-out, a flask, a declaration... how things had changed. She thought about what he’d said about danger - but she felt fairly certain that she was as safe as could be. If these lawyers were as smart as they were supposed to be, they wouldn’t pick on the Head Slayer or her family. And The Council was nearly back to full strength. Giles had once told her that they could do nearly anything at the stroke of a pen. No, Evil Inc didn’t worry her.
When she told him so, he smiled widely and asked for her phone number...
****
When they came out of the bedroom a little later, they found Angel gloomily watching the TV and Illyria inspecting the scythe.
“This is old, but its power has gone.”
Buffy looked at her and suddenly remembered that she was looking at the body of a dead girl who had once been Spike’s friend. Now inhabited by a pure demon god from ancient times. This was weird, but in a strangely familiar and comforting way - it was Sunnydale weird. She smiled.
“Um, it’s what was used for creating all the Slayers, as in activating them... did Spike tell you about that?”
Illyria was silent, as though searching for something, before she spoke: “The young boy called Andrew explained it many months ago. He failed to mention the source of the power.”
She turned it over in her hands, as though enchanted. “It calls to me, even though it is empty. There are few things in this world with such potency.”
She appeared to be lost in a world of her own, and Spike turned to Angel: “Right, grandad. Sun’ll be up in not too long, we’d better go.”
Angel looked from him to Buffy with an unreadable face and slowly got up. “All... talked... out then?”
Knowing she’d just say something wrong if she tried to answer that question, Buffy searched for a change of subject and went with the first thing that came to mind: “What was that big crash we heard? Did anything break?”
Angel sent her a look that said "I’m getting the brushoff for Captain Peroxide!” as clearly as though he had spoken the words out loud, but then his face closed and he answered her question smoothly, expression polite and almost impersonal. “I tried to put the tape back when the show finished and then the whole pile collapsed. I’m afraid not even vampire reflexes can catch 23 videotapes all at the same time.”
Buffy cast a glance towards the TV, and her tapes were now stacked in two neat piles, one on each side.
“I’m going to get a cabinet for all of them... I mean we had one, but then there was this incident while Andrew was staying and..” her voice trailed off, as she realised that she was babbling. Think Buffy! Say something useful!
“So, em, where are you going to go? I mean you could stay here if you like? Dawn won’t be back until Thursday.”
Both vampires shook their heads, but Spike was the one who replied: “Too risky. And I know a place we could go anyway.”
Angel frowned. “Why did you never mention this before?”
Spike shrugged. “Didn’t think about it. Should be OK though - Dru and I stayed there once. Ought to remember me.” And he grinned.
Angel sighed. “Fine. I can’t be bothered arguing. Buffy... it was nice to see you.”
“You too Angel.” She smiled her biggest smile as she nodded, feeling like a complete idiot. Jeez, how civilised and awkward. Mom would have been so proud.
There was more awkwardness at the door, but after a few half-hugs and almost-kisses, she finally closed the door behind them and leaned on it heavily, closing her eyes. Well, at least it had gone a lot better than that time when Angel met Riley...
And she went to bed, too exhausted to notice the message on her answering machine.
Chapter 7.
This is essentially The Conversation: Part 2. Maybe I should just have called it, 'Chapter 5a' or something, but that sounds rather lame I think. Anyway, if anyone would like to catch up, previous chapters can be found here.
As usual, many over-the-top thank-you's to my beta kathyh who salvaged this chapter! I would be so lost without you Kathy!
This chapter is dedicated to buttersideup and jamalov29. The reasons are wildly different, but you both deserve it, and I only have one chapter ready to post today. I hope you like it.
Feedback will be savoured like fine wine!
Chapter 6
Buffy was kissing Spike and she was happy. There was room for no other thought or feeling. She could feel his arms around her, his cool hands slowly finding their way underneath her pretty lacy top, just as her hands were exploring the body she had thought gone forever. The disconnected sensation that she had carried with her for so long slowly vanished as their bodies instinctively moulded to each other; memory upon memory becoming solid reality beneath her fingers. Like magic all the different pieces in her mind joined up and life made sense again, like a completed jigsaw puzzle. Because Spike was kissing her, and that was all that mattered...
A sudden loud, prolonged crash from the sitting room abruptly brought them back to the present.
Wide eyed they looked at each other.
“Oh, God Buffy...” Spike seemed unable to finish the sentence. The silence stretched out between them as they lay frozen on the bed, until Buffy began to smile. Then she chuckled. Spike’s face, which had been full of uncertainty, started to relax. She pulled a hand out from where it had been caressing his back and gently stroked his face. He was so beautiful. All she wanted to do was to look at him forever.
She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts in order:
“Sometimes I just realise how my life makes no sense at all and... I’d rather laugh than cry.”
She stopped and re-considered. “Actually I’d rather be kissing you than either of those two, but I guess we should stop... kissing leads to - y’know - other things.”
“It does rather,” he replied, as he softly caressed her back, then sighed and slowly let her go.
She smiled again and sat up, carefully rearranging her clothes. “I think it’s my default setting. I have a problem, have sex with Spike.”
He chuckled slightly: “Well, it’s a shame we can’t solve all our problems that way. Tried it, remember? Doesn’t work. Well not for us anyway.”
She pouted. “But we’re so good at it - it ought to work.”
This time he laughed and his eyes twinkled as he answered her: “Got that right little Miss 5-hours-straight.”
Then he looked at her, eyes turning wistful: “If it wasn’t for Angel...” He let the sentence hang unfinished and sighed as he tried to smooth down his hair.
His words brought up another question, and after hesitating a bit, she asked: “What’s with you and Angel? You always hated each other - how come you’re suddenly best friends?”
Spike shook his head, a small smile on his face. “Not friends Buffy - family. There’s a big difference. We’ve got blood-ties, a long shared history and, well, tons of other stuff. Also... we lost everyone else. It was hard enough for me, and I only knew these people for a year. But Angel - he worked with them for so long, they were more than friends.”
He was silent for a little while, then tried to explain: “If you can imagine losing all the Scoobies and Giles, Dawn being sent to live with an adoptive family and having to fight the First Evil with - oh, Faith and Glory as your companions, you’ll get the idea.”
She nodded. Life had been so quiet this past year - no big fights, no big problems, just trying to rebuild her life, and suddenly she was looking into someone else’s life - someone who had lost more than she had.
“I - I’m sorry about that. You should have called. I could have come with all the Slayers and helped you fight.”
Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he looked at her sadly. “Too late now, pet. And this isn’t your fight.”
“But it could be! I could come with you and try to take down the Senior Partners or whatever you’re doing.”
“Oh, no, I need you safe! The last thing we need is the Council to be in the firing line. The Slayers are doing a very important job.”
“But I just want to be with you. If you can’t stay, I want to go with you - Dawn’s going off to university next year, so there’ll be nothing to keep me here.”
He looked at her with wonder. "You would do that?”
She nodded emphatically.
Then he shook his head. “Sorry. Not letting you. You’re not going to throw your life away just because I got caught up in a stupid apocalypse. And there is this other thing...”
“Another thing?”
“Come - come here?” He drew her close into a hug, and held her, unmoving. Then he spoke, voice suddenly unsure: “Another way we could be together, and... that’s another reason I decided to stay and fight with Angel.”
She turned her head and looked at him, and she saw the hesitation in his eyes. “Go on,” she said gently.
He took her hand and then spoke: “Well, this prophecy I mentioned - it also tells what will happen to the souled vampire after the big fight.” He stopped and his eyes unfocussed, obviously trying to recall the exact wording: “The vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, will Shanshu. Bugger of a word that - ‘Shanshu’ - took Wesley a long time to work out apparently. It means - it means that the vampire will become human.”
Buffy knew she had heard what he’d said, but the words refused to make any sort of sense to her and she repeated the last word parrot-like, trying to understand what he was telling her: “Human?”
Spike nodded. “It’s a reward I guess. For services rendered to the bloody Powers That Be. So you see, I thought that maybe if it was me - if I was the one...” He stopped and then continued, speaking rapidly, like a barrier had been removed: “We could actually have a real life together, with the house and the white picket fence and the kids and the wedding in the park where we’d have ‘Wind beneath my wings’ for the first dance...” He stopped abruptly and looked at their hands, entwined. “Of course, considering that this apocalypse is gonna take around a thousand years according to our sources and that I only have a fifty-fifty chance... “ He swallowed. “I know it’s a bloody long shot Buffy, but as far as I can see, it’s the only faintly realistic chance.”
Buffy was staring at him as though she’d never seen him before. She blinked a few times, which probably made her look stupid, but she was for once completely thrown. As she tried to think, she said the first thing that came to mind: “But... but I thought you liked being a vampire!”
Spike’s mouth fell open. Then he frowned, but before he could speak, she cut in: “I mean, you said that becoming a vampire made you feel alive for the first time... and *I* like you just the way you are. I... I don’t know what you’d be like human. Would you be who you are now? Or who you were back then, whoever that was?”
He stared at her in shock: “I don’t... bloody hell, you don’t think they’d somehow turn me back into William, do you? That wouldn’t be a reward, it’d be a bloody cosmic joke.”
“What do you mean? What were you like then... what was William like?”
He didn’t answer. Instead he lifted his hand and gently followed the lines of her face with the tip of a finger. There was a soft look in his eyes and she really didn’t know what to make of him - he seemed to change every other moment.
“Buffy... can I see you again? We’ll be here for a week, and apart from tomorrow night, when I guess we’ll be looking for our contact, we have no plans. We don’t tend to stay anywhere very long because of Wolfram and Hart and this thing they have where they try to kill us all the time, but I suppose they’ll leave us alone for this week. So I just thought... maybe we could go out one night? On... on a date maybe? I’m not sure how safe it’d be, and I really don’t want them to come after you or Dawn, I just... I’d like to see you. Talk to you. Without anyone else around. I might... just might tell you about William.”
A date... now that word brought back some memories... a fake stake-out, a flask, a declaration... how things had changed. She thought about what he’d said about danger - but she felt fairly certain that she was as safe as could be. If these lawyers were as smart as they were supposed to be, they wouldn’t pick on the Head Slayer or her family. And The Council was nearly back to full strength. Giles had once told her that they could do nearly anything at the stroke of a pen. No, Evil Inc didn’t worry her.
When she told him so, he smiled widely and asked for her phone number...
****
When they came out of the bedroom a little later, they found Angel gloomily watching the TV and Illyria inspecting the scythe.
“This is old, but its power has gone.”
Buffy looked at her and suddenly remembered that she was looking at the body of a dead girl who had once been Spike’s friend. Now inhabited by a pure demon god from ancient times. This was weird, but in a strangely familiar and comforting way - it was Sunnydale weird. She smiled.
“Um, it’s what was used for creating all the Slayers, as in activating them... did Spike tell you about that?”
Illyria was silent, as though searching for something, before she spoke: “The young boy called Andrew explained it many months ago. He failed to mention the source of the power.”
She turned it over in her hands, as though enchanted. “It calls to me, even though it is empty. There are few things in this world with such potency.”
She appeared to be lost in a world of her own, and Spike turned to Angel: “Right, grandad. Sun’ll be up in not too long, we’d better go.”
Angel looked from him to Buffy with an unreadable face and slowly got up. “All... talked... out then?”
Knowing she’d just say something wrong if she tried to answer that question, Buffy searched for a change of subject and went with the first thing that came to mind: “What was that big crash we heard? Did anything break?”
Angel sent her a look that said "I’m getting the brushoff for Captain Peroxide!” as clearly as though he had spoken the words out loud, but then his face closed and he answered her question smoothly, expression polite and almost impersonal. “I tried to put the tape back when the show finished and then the whole pile collapsed. I’m afraid not even vampire reflexes can catch 23 videotapes all at the same time.”
Buffy cast a glance towards the TV, and her tapes were now stacked in two neat piles, one on each side.
“I’m going to get a cabinet for all of them... I mean we had one, but then there was this incident while Andrew was staying and..” her voice trailed off, as she realised that she was babbling. Think Buffy! Say something useful!
“So, em, where are you going to go? I mean you could stay here if you like? Dawn won’t be back until Thursday.”
Both vampires shook their heads, but Spike was the one who replied: “Too risky. And I know a place we could go anyway.”
Angel frowned. “Why did you never mention this before?”
Spike shrugged. “Didn’t think about it. Should be OK though - Dru and I stayed there once. Ought to remember me.” And he grinned.
Angel sighed. “Fine. I can’t be bothered arguing. Buffy... it was nice to see you.”
“You too Angel.” She smiled her biggest smile as she nodded, feeling like a complete idiot. Jeez, how civilised and awkward. Mom would have been so proud.
There was more awkwardness at the door, but after a few half-hugs and almost-kisses, she finally closed the door behind them and leaned on it heavily, closing her eyes. Well, at least it had gone a lot better than that time when Angel met Riley...
And she went to bed, too exhausted to notice the message on her answering machine.
Chapter 7.