(no subject)
ok.
so i've been fired from my job for two reasons. I'm extraordinarily upset at how stupid I truly am, and how frustrating other people are. I question going into anthropology when i detest people so deeply right now who are not my friends.
First off, i came to work late. I thought i was working at 5, but instead it was 4. Dennis the manager yelled at me in front of everyone, and sent me home. It was horrible. I was so embarassed, i can't even tell you. it was an honest mistake, but my mistake. I take responsibility for all of these things, which doesn't make the situation better or make me feel any less shitty.
second off, I had a beer before work in my establishment one hour prior to working. I assumed that since it was a full hour, and i wasn't clocked in, and I paid, that I was fine. I didn't know that it was a HUGE ASS no no. I was going by knowing my own body and that I was in my own time and not the company's that I could do as i please. I had no alcohol in my body when i started work. I assumed, wrongly, that everything was fine. One of the workers told me that I would get yelled at and I raised my eyes and said "really?". to be honest, i didn't see, until today when i was fired, anything wrong with my actions. I feel like a moron. This coworker then went to Kristine, boss lady, and told her that I said that I was allowed to via permission from tony and kristine, both bosses. I never did such a thing, but from their standpoint, they'll take the word of the person they trust the most, the coworker who worked there the longest.
I understand why i was fired, but goddamn, i needed that job, I enjoyed working there, i have done nothing but get amazing reviews from everyone who works there. I've seen others drink WHILE working, albeit, they are samples. I just don't know why the new girl who works hard gets ratted out. I don't really blame anyone for this but myself. I assumed things about the job and that got me fired. Kristine called me a child on the phone just now. her words were "I feel like im talking to a child, do you have anything to say for yourself?"
I find it sad that honesty is considered childlike behavior. I was upfront, i told her everything. I didn't lie. I didn't stretch the truth. I didn't hide anything. It's situations like these that make me want to stop trusting others, as well as stop being honest. I want to lie like everyone else. I want to be cruel and manipulative to get what I want, because the kids who are honest, those who work their asses off, get nothing. Those who slack and lie and cheat and do bad things get the world, and then some.
I've been crying all day. I don't know what I'm going to do. thank god, I worked there long enough to get most of my bills paid. I have a summer job with the town of amherst, but this means i'll have to drop my summer courses and take some MORE time in undergrad. I'm back doing the job search thing again, and I hate it. I hate looking for jobs. I'm a ridiculously hard worker, and i just seem to fail.
Why is it that I can't be a success? What is wrong with me that I cannot function? I misread a schedule and made a seriously poor judgement call.
I feel horrible. I can't move, or think, or do anything. I cant watch tv, or decide what to do after writing all this. I want to call my friends, but that bill cant be paid till tomorrow. I want to curl up and cry more, but i feel like i've been had almost. I feel embarassed. I just want to scream, explode, and then stop existing. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but frankly, what good is out there? Anyone? Tell me if you've experienced any particular joy that has given you hope for future events? Why are people constantly knocked down? Why do bad things happen to good people? Or is it this karma bullshit that i don't believe in, actually real, and I am making up for something i don't even know?
I'm upset, im overly emotional, and I need something. i don't even know what.
sorry for the massively depressing update, but I hate everything right now.
-S
so i've been fired from my job for two reasons. I'm extraordinarily upset at how stupid I truly am, and how frustrating other people are. I question going into anthropology when i detest people so deeply right now who are not my friends.
First off, i came to work late. I thought i was working at 5, but instead it was 4. Dennis the manager yelled at me in front of everyone, and sent me home. It was horrible. I was so embarassed, i can't even tell you. it was an honest mistake, but my mistake. I take responsibility for all of these things, which doesn't make the situation better or make me feel any less shitty.
second off, I had a beer before work in my establishment one hour prior to working. I assumed that since it was a full hour, and i wasn't clocked in, and I paid, that I was fine. I didn't know that it was a HUGE ASS no no. I was going by knowing my own body and that I was in my own time and not the company's that I could do as i please. I had no alcohol in my body when i started work. I assumed, wrongly, that everything was fine. One of the workers told me that I would get yelled at and I raised my eyes and said "really?". to be honest, i didn't see, until today when i was fired, anything wrong with my actions. I feel like a moron. This coworker then went to Kristine, boss lady, and told her that I said that I was allowed to via permission from tony and kristine, both bosses. I never did such a thing, but from their standpoint, they'll take the word of the person they trust the most, the coworker who worked there the longest.
I understand why i was fired, but goddamn, i needed that job, I enjoyed working there, i have done nothing but get amazing reviews from everyone who works there. I've seen others drink WHILE working, albeit, they are samples. I just don't know why the new girl who works hard gets ratted out. I don't really blame anyone for this but myself. I assumed things about the job and that got me fired. Kristine called me a child on the phone just now. her words were "I feel like im talking to a child, do you have anything to say for yourself?"
I find it sad that honesty is considered childlike behavior. I was upfront, i told her everything. I didn't lie. I didn't stretch the truth. I didn't hide anything. It's situations like these that make me want to stop trusting others, as well as stop being honest. I want to lie like everyone else. I want to be cruel and manipulative to get what I want, because the kids who are honest, those who work their asses off, get nothing. Those who slack and lie and cheat and do bad things get the world, and then some.
I've been crying all day. I don't know what I'm going to do. thank god, I worked there long enough to get most of my bills paid. I have a summer job with the town of amherst, but this means i'll have to drop my summer courses and take some MORE time in undergrad. I'm back doing the job search thing again, and I hate it. I hate looking for jobs. I'm a ridiculously hard worker, and i just seem to fail.
Why is it that I can't be a success? What is wrong with me that I cannot function? I misread a schedule and made a seriously poor judgement call.
I feel horrible. I can't move, or think, or do anything. I cant watch tv, or decide what to do after writing all this. I want to call my friends, but that bill cant be paid till tomorrow. I want to curl up and cry more, but i feel like i've been had almost. I feel embarassed. I just want to scream, explode, and then stop existing. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but frankly, what good is out there? Anyone? Tell me if you've experienced any particular joy that has given you hope for future events? Why are people constantly knocked down? Why do bad things happen to good people? Or is it this karma bullshit that i don't believe in, actually real, and I am making up for something i don't even know?
I'm upset, im overly emotional, and I need something. i don't even know what.
sorry for the massively depressing update, but I hate everything right now.
-S