(no subject)
im writing here, because its the safest place.
i dont mean to offend, but not many of my close friends read this and those who i consider close friends that DO read this, well im all right with them knowing whats up.
-im in galveston texas. have been here for almost 3 weeks.
-i have been half-heartedly looking for a job.
-havent made any friends, besides the couple next door, shes 19 and hes 24 (his job is off-shore and i guess hes gone for weeks at a time) and they have a baby. the guys cool, but the chick is dumb in all aspects of the word. she has a 8th grade education and is a terrible mother to her 6 month old and she annoys the hell out of me, so i try to avoid her.
-my mother and i got kittens a week and a half ago. mones a female calico, named marla...hers an orange tabby that eats anything it can get its paws on-both of them pretty fucking cute.
-im am technically a college student now (be proud) and will be orientated and all that fun shit the end of july. its a really small school, and with my act scores i tested out of the basic classes so i dont have to take any "general education" classes, which kicks ass.
-i live with my mom and her 60 yr old boyfriend. the guys actually okay, and 9 times out of 10, more tolerable than my mother.
-i actually have tan lines and am not a pasty day-glo white anymore.
and im trying to deal with being hundreds of miles away from the one i fucking fell in love with. i dont regret what i did my last month. if i had to, i would do it all over again. i feel lucky that i fell for one of my best friends, and that the feeling is mutual.
in fact, my mother and her boyfriend got him a ticket to be out here the 7th-16th. and i cannot fucking wait until then, until saturday.
but i have way too many thoughts to contend with. and it sucks, because i dont know who i can completely open up to about this..........kate shannon-if you read this, the next time i see youre on aim, im going to type to you like theres no tomorrow.
anyways.
its fucking hard. im so happy hes coming out here. im terrified for how im going to feel after he leaves. i want him down here so bad that it hurts. physically hurts. and thats retarded. and the friends that know about us know how hard it is, but those who dont........i mean, its the main thing on my fucking mind. it sucks. i want him to move down here, if its possible, i know how ridiculous that is, and improbable. but we both want it. and if nothing works in racine, he knows its an option.
i havent felt like this for someone in over 2 years. shit, i dont even know if ive ever felt like this for anyone. its insane. we constantly text, talk on the phone, any means of communication available to us. i dont know what to do. i have never felt so loved before, and instead of being with him and happy, im extremely far away and frustrated.
my last month was so hard. i tried to be okay with everything. hes the only one i would tell my fears too, i broke down so many times, and he comforted me. im not even lying when i say that hes said some of the sweetest things ive ever heard to me. he continues to be like that, even when im so far away. he stayed strong for me my last weekend. it was amazing. and after i left, told me he completely broke down after he left the house. he spent my last week with me. every night. i miss that. everything.
im scared that me being so far away will ruin it. long distance relationships dont really ever work. i dont care what anyone says. human beings are social animals. and its hard to get used to be alone, when you know what you want, moreso, who you want.
and whats worse is even though plenty of people know. i dont know that many know the extent. how deep it is. i try not to talk about it, and i know talking about it is hard for him. especially to our group of friends.
i fucking miss my friends. its been raining for 2 days straight. its my first 4th of july without getting to see fireworks. how lame is that?
im coping. im trying to, that is.
i just dont know whats going to happen and what i should do.
i dont want to lose this. im not even sure i deserve this.
go figure i went and fell in love.
*sigh*
i wish it was fucking saturday.
i dont mean to offend, but not many of my close friends read this and those who i consider close friends that DO read this, well im all right with them knowing whats up.
-im in galveston texas. have been here for almost 3 weeks.
-i have been half-heartedly looking for a job.
-havent made any friends, besides the couple next door, shes 19 and hes 24 (his job is off-shore and i guess hes gone for weeks at a time) and they have a baby. the guys cool, but the chick is dumb in all aspects of the word. she has a 8th grade education and is a terrible mother to her 6 month old and she annoys the hell out of me, so i try to avoid her.
-my mother and i got kittens a week and a half ago. mones a female calico, named marla...hers an orange tabby that eats anything it can get its paws on-both of them pretty fucking cute.
-im am technically a college student now (be proud) and will be orientated and all that fun shit the end of july. its a really small school, and with my act scores i tested out of the basic classes so i dont have to take any "general education" classes, which kicks ass.
-i live with my mom and her 60 yr old boyfriend. the guys actually okay, and 9 times out of 10, more tolerable than my mother.
-i actually have tan lines and am not a pasty day-glo white anymore.
and im trying to deal with being hundreds of miles away from the one i fucking fell in love with. i dont regret what i did my last month. if i had to, i would do it all over again. i feel lucky that i fell for one of my best friends, and that the feeling is mutual.
in fact, my mother and her boyfriend got him a ticket to be out here the 7th-16th. and i cannot fucking wait until then, until saturday.
but i have way too many thoughts to contend with. and it sucks, because i dont know who i can completely open up to about this..........kate shannon-if you read this, the next time i see youre on aim, im going to type to you like theres no tomorrow.
anyways.
its fucking hard. im so happy hes coming out here. im terrified for how im going to feel after he leaves. i want him down here so bad that it hurts. physically hurts. and thats retarded. and the friends that know about us know how hard it is, but those who dont........i mean, its the main thing on my fucking mind. it sucks. i want him to move down here, if its possible, i know how ridiculous that is, and improbable. but we both want it. and if nothing works in racine, he knows its an option.
i havent felt like this for someone in over 2 years. shit, i dont even know if ive ever felt like this for anyone. its insane. we constantly text, talk on the phone, any means of communication available to us. i dont know what to do. i have never felt so loved before, and instead of being with him and happy, im extremely far away and frustrated.
my last month was so hard. i tried to be okay with everything. hes the only one i would tell my fears too, i broke down so many times, and he comforted me. im not even lying when i say that hes said some of the sweetest things ive ever heard to me. he continues to be like that, even when im so far away. he stayed strong for me my last weekend. it was amazing. and after i left, told me he completely broke down after he left the house. he spent my last week with me. every night. i miss that. everything.
im scared that me being so far away will ruin it. long distance relationships dont really ever work. i dont care what anyone says. human beings are social animals. and its hard to get used to be alone, when you know what you want, moreso, who you want.
and whats worse is even though plenty of people know. i dont know that many know the extent. how deep it is. i try not to talk about it, and i know talking about it is hard for him. especially to our group of friends.
i fucking miss my friends. its been raining for 2 days straight. its my first 4th of july without getting to see fireworks. how lame is that?
im coping. im trying to, that is.
i just dont know whats going to happen and what i should do.
i dont want to lose this. im not even sure i deserve this.
go figure i went and fell in love.
*sigh*
i wish it was fucking saturday.