Late At Night
Title: Late At Night
Pairing: Jack/Kate
Rating: R
Spoilers: Through 3.19 “The Brig”
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Dedication: For lostsquee Luau Queen thespiansparkle, who wanted fantasies.
There are a number of reasons why Kate goes back to her own tent at night. There are the obvious - she’s independent, hardly a cuddler. There are the analytical, psychological - she feels trapped, is afraid of intimacy, so on and so forth.
The reason that really weighs on her, however, is the one she keeps the most secret. Waking up with Sawyer’s arms around her is hard enough because she doesn’t love him the way he loves her. Waking up with Sawyer’s arms around her is worse when she jars awake aching with lust from another hot, heady dream about Jack, and worse yet when she lies there with eyes wide open and can’t keep her mind from wandering.
They’re the kind of fantasies she used to have when she was still a virgin - hot, panting, movie star sex where everything is perfect and sensual and choreographed so there are never any awkward moments of tangling with clothes or misunderstanding what the other wants and needs. In her mind, Jack knows her innately and drives her crazy with desire.
She doesn’t quite know where the lust is coming from. Her feelings for Jack were always so wrapped up in comfort, security, need, friendship, that the carnal need always seemed a distant second. Even when she pondered it before, she imagined it slow and soothing, more kissing and touching then anything else.
But now he’s taking her with brute force, slamming into her hard, bruising her with his kisses, holding onto her so tightly she almost swears she feels Jack’s grip when she wakes up in Sawyer’s loose embrace. It’s dirty and it’s overwhelming and in her head she’s so loud, screaming for him. She’s saying filthy, wanton things, licking and nibbling his throat, dragging her mouth over his tattoos.
She’s fantasized about them having sex almost everywhere she could, from the hatch to what it might be like if they were rescued, if she could have him in the real world. Her thoughts run rampant and often times she catches herself blushing when she passes by a spot she’d considered in her dreams.
But she never turns red in front of Jack. She never lets on that every night she’s having her wicked way with him in her dreams. Kate lets Sawyer have her and pretends it’s what she wants.
She wonders how long she can last like this. She’s denied it for so long, she’ll either keep her dirty little secret forever or explode one day, grab him and let it all come out at once. The idea terrifies her because in her mind, he always wants her back.
She watches him with Juliet every day and knows that may not be the case. Soon, if not already, Juliet will be the one living out Kate’s fantasies. Juliet’s not the type to dwell in make-believe. If she wants it, she’ll go get it.
Kate used to think she was like that too, but it turns out she’s nothing but a coward who’d rather sneak back to her own tent at night instead of sneaking into Jack’s and taking a chance.