Dark Lord Seeks Friendship, Maybe More
My new novella is out. :)
What's it about? After usurping his father's throne and working hard to get the sociopolitical aspects of his kingdom right, The Dark Lord of Thance has found that life is definitely lacking in the romance department. So begins the quest for a companion for the Dark Lord. His faithful evil minions get together and use everything at their disposal to get him a date, from setting him up with relatives to placing a personal ad.
With the political climate always skewed against the forces of evil, though, Velenth's got a lot to worry about. Can he keep his throne and manage to find his Other (Evil) Half?
And that's what it's about. :)
True fact: I named Velenth while watching late night Mexican sketch comedy reruns. One had a model named Belem guest starring. Velenth is Belem softened and made a little more sibilant.
Want to read a snippet? You got it. Here you go!
Velenth took the opportunity to create his personal ad, or rather, to enlist Reynard's aid in writing it.
"I want it to be classy,you know?"Velenth paced around Reynard's study, arms clasped behind his back. "I'm not auditioning for a fuck buddy here."
That earned a look of genuine confusion from Reynard, who stopped in the middle of choosing a quill to write with."…so milord does not wish for sexual advances?"
Velenth snorted. "Jeez, Reynard, if I wanted sex, I'd disguise myself as a petty officer and try to trick the seventh division into gangbanging me until I can't walk." He paused, and his lips curled with a small, dreamy smile. "Again."
"Ew," said a voice from the shadows.
Velenth shook his head. "My point is, Reynard, this isn't just about sex. It's about finding sex and a companion. I'd like to be able to have a good conversation after a decent fuck." He shrugged and waved a hand in a semi-circle. "So find me someone who's smart, who's interesting, who … uh. Who."
"Completes you!" the Bodyguard put in.
"Complements you," Reynard amended.
Velenth snapped his fingers and pointed at Reynard. "That one. Yes, someone who complements me. Sex and a decent companion." He plunked himself down on the edge of Reynard's desk. "Is that even possible?"
Not a chance, but there was no reason to tell Velenth this. Instead,Reynard gave him a tiny smile. "I suppose we'll see."
Velenth bit his lower lip. "You don't think so, do you?"
Reynard cleared his throat and arranged the sheaf of papers in front of him. "That depends on the wording we choose." He fought the urge to chew on the tip of the quill. "Tasteful, deemphasizing sexuality and emphasizing companionship."
"No ruling out sexuality,though," Velenth put in quickly.
"'Dark lord seeks friendship.'" The Bodyguard poked her head out from behind the bookcase. "'Maybe more?'"
"Definitely more," Velenth said.
Reynard winced. "Let's not mention that, milord.We don't want you to seem …"
"Desperate!"
"Desperate. Thank you." Reynard waved in the Bodyguard's direction. She beamed.
"Dark lord seeks friendship, maybe more." Velenth nodded approvingly. "Well,that's a start."
****
So, where can you buy it? Over here, at this link.
What's it about? After usurping his father's throne and working hard to get the sociopolitical aspects of his kingdom right, The Dark Lord of Thance has found that life is definitely lacking in the romance department. So begins the quest for a companion for the Dark Lord. His faithful evil minions get together and use everything at their disposal to get him a date, from setting him up with relatives to placing a personal ad.
With the political climate always skewed against the forces of evil, though, Velenth's got a lot to worry about. Can he keep his throne and manage to find his Other (Evil) Half?
And that's what it's about. :)
True fact: I named Velenth while watching late night Mexican sketch comedy reruns. One had a model named Belem guest starring. Velenth is Belem softened and made a little more sibilant.
Want to read a snippet? You got it. Here you go!
Velenth took the opportunity to create his personal ad, or rather, to enlist Reynard's aid in writing it.
"I want it to be classy,you know?"Velenth paced around Reynard's study, arms clasped behind his back. "I'm not auditioning for a fuck buddy here."
That earned a look of genuine confusion from Reynard, who stopped in the middle of choosing a quill to write with."…so milord does not wish for sexual advances?"
Velenth snorted. "Jeez, Reynard, if I wanted sex, I'd disguise myself as a petty officer and try to trick the seventh division into gangbanging me until I can't walk." He paused, and his lips curled with a small, dreamy smile. "Again."
"Ew," said a voice from the shadows.
Velenth shook his head. "My point is, Reynard, this isn't just about sex. It's about finding sex and a companion. I'd like to be able to have a good conversation after a decent fuck." He shrugged and waved a hand in a semi-circle. "So find me someone who's smart, who's interesting, who … uh. Who."
"Completes you!" the Bodyguard put in.
"Complements you," Reynard amended.
Velenth snapped his fingers and pointed at Reynard. "That one. Yes, someone who complements me. Sex and a decent companion." He plunked himself down on the edge of Reynard's desk. "Is that even possible?"
Not a chance, but there was no reason to tell Velenth this. Instead,Reynard gave him a tiny smile. "I suppose we'll see."
Velenth bit his lower lip. "You don't think so, do you?"
Reynard cleared his throat and arranged the sheaf of papers in front of him. "That depends on the wording we choose." He fought the urge to chew on the tip of the quill. "Tasteful, deemphasizing sexuality and emphasizing companionship."
"No ruling out sexuality,though," Velenth put in quickly.
"'Dark lord seeks friendship.'" The Bodyguard poked her head out from behind the bookcase. "'Maybe more?'"
"Definitely more," Velenth said.
Reynard winced. "Let's not mention that, milord.We don't want you to seem …"
"Desperate!"
"Desperate. Thank you." Reynard waved in the Bodyguard's direction. She beamed.
"Dark lord seeks friendship, maybe more." Velenth nodded approvingly. "Well,that's a start."
****
So, where can you buy it? Over here, at this link.