Open house....
School started last week. Ryan is doing kindergarten again.. It was a tough choice to make, I think it will be better all around.. he is so happy right now and really enjoying the start of school instead of stressing about it. September is a welcome time of year. I forgot what it was like to truly be caught up in the craziness of summertime on cape cod but it has all come rushing back over the last two months and i can say with complete happiness that Fall is a wonderful time of year.
I did learn a lot over this summer about emergency work and the different types of providers. I mostly learned how to gracefully accept other peoples choices and opinions, also to assert my own feelings and opinions about patient care. with the conviction to believe that it is the right thing for that patient.
In June a situation that i had been in for a few months came to an abrupt and unhappy ending causing some serious self reflection. with a broken heart and and angry soul i found it difficult to deal with several personal relationships that i had let grow to an disheveled state.
Porkchop was never a good idea. he made me feel wonderful and happy and said beautiful things to me and for that i am eternally grateful. he let me get out from behind my cloud of self doubt and believe again that i was a good person, I guess that is the lesson that he was there to provide for me.
My friendship with John that had been such an amazing support all of last summer and through the winter also came to an almost end over this summer. when you finally see the ugly things that live on the inside of someone, that had been hidden so well for so long, that is sad, what can i really say. He broke my heart in a way this summer that made me wonder if i was really able to trust anyone. I wasnt ever in love with him. no attraction or desire to have a romantic relationship, yet he was the first person that i was able to have a real genuine friendship with as a person of the opposite sex without wishing for more. he was the first person that i had and adult friendship with, now that he has taken a different path i feel like i lost a part of the trust and eternal optimism that i have always held so dearly.
This has been a summer of self discovery. I am still trying to find out what kind of paramedic i am going to be. I am struggling to deal with a male dominated field and to learn how to take the comments and harrassment of my coworkers. some of it is easy but most of it is hard.. I have never been one to understand when someone is joking with me and that makes it hard to take the talk . I am getting better at it. I am learning how to be more flexible and how to not take everything someone says as a personal attack., on my skills. I am also learning how to make a mistake and deal with it.
The last thing that i have discovered this summer is the fact that i have developed a pretty major crush on someone that i never expected to, and realizing that i have no idea what to do about it. He is fun and smart and we have a great time together, just hanging out. I am fairly certain he has no idea that my feelings go any deeper than a friendly working relationship. What should I do? should i go ahead and let myself step to the edge and hope that my heart doesnt fall out again? or should i ignore it and hope it goes away? I know the answers already it makes me feel better to write them out.
I did learn a lot over this summer about emergency work and the different types of providers. I mostly learned how to gracefully accept other peoples choices and opinions, also to assert my own feelings and opinions about patient care. with the conviction to believe that it is the right thing for that patient.
In June a situation that i had been in for a few months came to an abrupt and unhappy ending causing some serious self reflection. with a broken heart and and angry soul i found it difficult to deal with several personal relationships that i had let grow to an disheveled state.
Porkchop was never a good idea. he made me feel wonderful and happy and said beautiful things to me and for that i am eternally grateful. he let me get out from behind my cloud of self doubt and believe again that i was a good person, I guess that is the lesson that he was there to provide for me.
My friendship with John that had been such an amazing support all of last summer and through the winter also came to an almost end over this summer. when you finally see the ugly things that live on the inside of someone, that had been hidden so well for so long, that is sad, what can i really say. He broke my heart in a way this summer that made me wonder if i was really able to trust anyone. I wasnt ever in love with him. no attraction or desire to have a romantic relationship, yet he was the first person that i was able to have a real genuine friendship with as a person of the opposite sex without wishing for more. he was the first person that i had and adult friendship with, now that he has taken a different path i feel like i lost a part of the trust and eternal optimism that i have always held so dearly.
This has been a summer of self discovery. I am still trying to find out what kind of paramedic i am going to be. I am struggling to deal with a male dominated field and to learn how to take the comments and harrassment of my coworkers. some of it is easy but most of it is hard.. I have never been one to understand when someone is joking with me and that makes it hard to take the talk . I am getting better at it. I am learning how to be more flexible and how to not take everything someone says as a personal attack., on my skills. I am also learning how to make a mistake and deal with it.
The last thing that i have discovered this summer is the fact that i have developed a pretty major crush on someone that i never expected to, and realizing that i have no idea what to do about it. He is fun and smart and we have a great time together, just hanging out. I am fairly certain he has no idea that my feelings go any deeper than a friendly working relationship. What should I do? should i go ahead and let myself step to the edge and hope that my heart doesnt fall out again? or should i ignore it and hope it goes away? I know the answers already it makes me feel better to write them out.