Everybody wants acceptance,We all just want some proof,Everyone's just looking for the truth
It started as a simple way to heal a broken heart. nothing more nothing less. He didnt want me anymore, wasnt in love with me. I could deal with that. I was a fun time though and we could still be friends... maybe more, if i was willing... why not be willing right? Fun without feelings, it was so much easier that way. I dont understand anymore how i let it get this far, I am beginning to think that i am totally incapable of having feelings for men in any other way but lust. will anyone ever really love me? what is it that makes people want that kind of love anyways, as far as i can tell there isnt any truth in monogamy. only pain and jealousy. My thoughts right now are a rambling mess. there are so many feelings flying around I dont know what to make of them.
The next time was different it wasnt a break up it was a new friend, a game, a married man, it wasnt that hard to make him want to play with me. and why not make him want that.. was i trying to believe that someone wanted me? It made me feel good to know that he wanted me. that i made him feel good.. there are more, is it wrong now to just want someone to love me. can i really change enough for that? is it possible. why do i allow it to go on and on. Always the security blanket. the one that tells them that they are good or nice or special, the one they run to for a good time or reassurance or just a shoulder to cry on but never to be told. sorting through this now is making me an uberbitch at work and with my friends . somewhere there must be answers.
The next time was different it wasnt a break up it was a new friend, a game, a married man, it wasnt that hard to make him want to play with me. and why not make him want that.. was i trying to believe that someone wanted me? It made me feel good to know that he wanted me. that i made him feel good.. there are more, is it wrong now to just want someone to love me. can i really change enough for that? is it possible. why do i allow it to go on and on. Always the security blanket. the one that tells them that they are good or nice or special, the one they run to for a good time or reassurance or just a shoulder to cry on but never to be told. sorting through this now is making me an uberbitch at work and with my friends . somewhere there must be answers.