I'm Obsessing, Again.
once again, I am stuck on jesse williams like a schoolgirl. I've gotten online, like, every day since I e-mailed him back, hoping he'd have sent another note. but, no. not yet.
I told alex I wrote him back. he didn't really seem to care. almost like he didn't want to know. ...and here I was, trying to be honest. how silly of me. I guess he'd rather I "go behind his back" about talking to jesse, again.
*sighs* this whole "waiting" thing never really was my strong suit. then again, it was, like, two weeks or so before I replied to him...
I wish he were an ass. I wish that he's back, living with his parents, unemployed, dropped out of school, and just a TOTAL waste, now. and I wish that he were with this BITCHY girl that had him wrapped around her finger. ...I wish he were everything that I hate, so I could get over him.
...he helped me ruin my life. he totally just dropped me off at home and... dropped me a line three years later. *blinks* ...and yet, I still can't help but wonder... and daydream.
but it wouldn't "make everything right," again. it would probably only cause more self-inflicted agony. but he cheated. he did that whole "yeah, it was really bad, but... it was also really good" thing. and now I'm afraid I've been thinking. a dangerous pastime, I know. [you rock if you can tell me where that's from!] and we did have some really great times. even if we were just on the phone. *sighs and leans against the wall*
I just don't know what to think. or why I feel this way. um, like... I don't get it?!
I told alex I wrote him back. he didn't really seem to care. almost like he didn't want to know. ...and here I was, trying to be honest. how silly of me. I guess he'd rather I "go behind his back" about talking to jesse, again.
*sighs* this whole "waiting" thing never really was my strong suit. then again, it was, like, two weeks or so before I replied to him...
I wish he were an ass. I wish that he's back, living with his parents, unemployed, dropped out of school, and just a TOTAL waste, now. and I wish that he were with this BITCHY girl that had him wrapped around her finger. ...I wish he were everything that I hate, so I could get over him.
...he helped me ruin my life. he totally just dropped me off at home and... dropped me a line three years later. *blinks* ...and yet, I still can't help but wonder... and daydream.
but it wouldn't "make everything right," again. it would probably only cause more self-inflicted agony. but he cheated. he did that whole "yeah, it was really bad, but... it was also really good" thing. and now I'm afraid I've been thinking. a dangerous pastime, I know. [you rock if you can tell me where that's from!] and we did have some really great times. even if we were just on the phone. *sighs and leans against the wall*
I just don't know what to think. or why I feel this way. um, like... I don't get it?!