(no subject)
ive tried to deal with so much shit for a long time. but it finally occured to me that i dont have to. i shouldnt have to deal with feeling used and feeling like i dont matter. because theres plenty of people out there who wont treat me like that. its so weird that the one person who made me feel more loved and more special and more beautiful than anyone else can turn it all around and make me feel worthless and ugly and not worth a moment of their time. i tried to do everything i thought i was supposed to do but thats not good enough i guess. i got fooled and manipulated into thinking that maybe there was hope and that maybe something good might come out of it. but it turns out that my selflessness and the fact that i would do anything for my best friend was just naive. it turns out that the fact that i was doing all that i could to make my best friend happy was just fooling myself into thinking i had someone who cared. i wasnt really cared about. it seems like she was only there when noone else could entertain her. dont get me wrong, i would still do anything for my best friend, but now friendship is all there is. i've fallen out of love and i doubt i will fall back in. i love you unconditionaly and i always will, but only as a friend. ive had my heart broken too many times by you and i dont want to let it happen again.