The One Use of the Rug
Today I found myself in a hardware store parkinglot, trying to make my way to the exit, when I found a big tent set up blocking the way. Inside, hundreds of rugs were piled on top of one another, and people were sifting through them. Then I noticed the gigantic sign above it all...
”Rug Rentals”
Um. Really? Seriously? Rug RENTALS? I honestly couldn’t even make up a less practical item to RENT than a rug. I was cracking up. Who the hell would rent a rug? Personally I’ve never really understood the attraction people have to owning rugs, but if you do... why put a time limit on it? I just imagine this really rich 20 something guy, sipping a martini as he traipses through his gigantic mansion. He makes his way to a huge room with moose heads stuffed on the wall and giant suits of armor guarding each doorway. He glances down and notices a huge rug in the middle of the room. “Damnit,” he thinks, “I gotta get that back to the tent outside the hardware store. It’s going to be overdue.”
And here’s my other thing. Maybe those rugs were for sale. Maybe that was just a terrible name for the rug sale. But if so, you guys are fucked! I can’t imagine rug sales ever really BOOMING, and a disillusioning name that is completely false wont help matters any. That’s like walking into a place called “PAINTBALL SURPLUS!” and finding that all they sell is Faberge eggs.
Sometimes all I have to help me through the disheartening struggle that is trying to be an actor in LA is being able to joke about some of the awful casting calls on LA Casting. I’ve spoken before about the assholes that put “N/A” down next to “Compensation” (fuck you. It’s applicable. IT’S APPLICABLE. IF THERE IS NO PAY, SAY THAT.), but Tom found a good one this morning. It’s a commercial called “Snap Shot”, and I shit you not, the three roles were for an adult magazine photographer as well as for two hot chicks, and a note after each mentions that all three roles contain “EXTREME SEXUAL SITUATIONS”. Jesus Christ! What commercial could possibly have EXTREME sexual situations? What channel is this for? Sweet lord.
I know exactly what everyone would say about this turn of events. Ever feel like you want advice, but you want to hear a certain thing that you know you wont hear from the people you usually ask? Times like this I need a “Yes Man”.
The best part of living alone? It’s not the drug parties. It’s not all the casual sex without having to be quiet. No. Rather, it’s the fact that when I watch Toy Story 2 and get to Jessie’s montage about not being loved by her owner anymore to that cheesy Sarah Maglachlain song, I’m going to cry. It’s just going to happen. I’m going to cry, and it’s nice to be able to do that.
I’m cooking! Holy crap! I’m cooking! First was boiling hot dogs. Success. Next was Beefaronies over the stove. Success. Then Kraft Mac N Cheese. Success. Then brownies. Success. Next is a grilled cheese sandwich.
Wow. I just spellchecked everything up to this point. How has the world “BEEFARONIES” gone this long without being a known word in my computer’s dictionary?
Lauren: When we live together, it’s going to be wonderful because our phone bill will be so much less.
Dave: Yeah, but our sex bill is going to be through the ROOF!
”Rug Rentals”
Um. Really? Seriously? Rug RENTALS? I honestly couldn’t even make up a less practical item to RENT than a rug. I was cracking up. Who the hell would rent a rug? Personally I’ve never really understood the attraction people have to owning rugs, but if you do... why put a time limit on it? I just imagine this really rich 20 something guy, sipping a martini as he traipses through his gigantic mansion. He makes his way to a huge room with moose heads stuffed on the wall and giant suits of armor guarding each doorway. He glances down and notices a huge rug in the middle of the room. “Damnit,” he thinks, “I gotta get that back to the tent outside the hardware store. It’s going to be overdue.”
And here’s my other thing. Maybe those rugs were for sale. Maybe that was just a terrible name for the rug sale. But if so, you guys are fucked! I can’t imagine rug sales ever really BOOMING, and a disillusioning name that is completely false wont help matters any. That’s like walking into a place called “PAINTBALL SURPLUS!” and finding that all they sell is Faberge eggs.
Sometimes all I have to help me through the disheartening struggle that is trying to be an actor in LA is being able to joke about some of the awful casting calls on LA Casting. I’ve spoken before about the assholes that put “N/A” down next to “Compensation” (fuck you. It’s applicable. IT’S APPLICABLE. IF THERE IS NO PAY, SAY THAT.), but Tom found a good one this morning. It’s a commercial called “Snap Shot”, and I shit you not, the three roles were for an adult magazine photographer as well as for two hot chicks, and a note after each mentions that all three roles contain “EXTREME SEXUAL SITUATIONS”. Jesus Christ! What commercial could possibly have EXTREME sexual situations? What channel is this for? Sweet lord.
I know exactly what everyone would say about this turn of events. Ever feel like you want advice, but you want to hear a certain thing that you know you wont hear from the people you usually ask? Times like this I need a “Yes Man”.
The best part of living alone? It’s not the drug parties. It’s not all the casual sex without having to be quiet. No. Rather, it’s the fact that when I watch Toy Story 2 and get to Jessie’s montage about not being loved by her owner anymore to that cheesy Sarah Maglachlain song, I’m going to cry. It’s just going to happen. I’m going to cry, and it’s nice to be able to do that.
I’m cooking! Holy crap! I’m cooking! First was boiling hot dogs. Success. Next was Beefaronies over the stove. Success. Then Kraft Mac N Cheese. Success. Then brownies. Success. Next is a grilled cheese sandwich.
Wow. I just spellchecked everything up to this point. How has the world “BEEFARONIES” gone this long without being a known word in my computer’s dictionary?
Lauren: When we live together, it’s going to be wonderful because our phone bill will be so much less.
Dave: Yeah, but our sex bill is going to be through the ROOF!