Sleep is a haven. It is also a mark of the passing of time.
Hello Polar Seltzer with Lime. You are far less exciting than I had hoped, and far less boring that I feared.
I am in a strange, fickle mood, and am jumping between being sort of upset, being melancholy, being apathetic, being comfortable in a drifty sort of state where I lean towards sadness but am okay with it and embrace it, having an urge to run outside in the rain and scream and a state where I have a deep desire for my soft pillow.
Hum. But I am fine, truly. I do believe that I really ought to go and scream at some point before Sunday, just because I have been having the urge for a couple of days now, and I don't think that denying myself that urge would be terribly healthy, as seeing it is A)rather strong and B)accompanied by a desire to smoke. And we can't have that. I promised.
Also, I know that this will all fade with time and that I am secure in my position of beloved. I'm just tired of fighting pain in the back of my head, and am getting ready to go home and sleep and sleep and sleep and eat food in my parents' house and lie upon the beach and sleep and lie in my own room and stare at my walls and sleep and doze in the hammock with a good book and eat real food I have cooked myself and sleep and slowly remove myself from the past and become totally healed.
These bad feelings will fade over time, and will be replaced with the old joy which will have become new joy. The trust will be restored on the subconscious level, and someday I will go back to that place I used to be in where there was zero doubt in my mind about anything, where everything was secure and safe and beautiful.
And it will all be so very Nice.
I am in a strange, fickle mood, and am jumping between being sort of upset, being melancholy, being apathetic, being comfortable in a drifty sort of state where I lean towards sadness but am okay with it and embrace it, having an urge to run outside in the rain and scream and a state where I have a deep desire for my soft pillow.
Hum. But I am fine, truly. I do believe that I really ought to go and scream at some point before Sunday, just because I have been having the urge for a couple of days now, and I don't think that denying myself that urge would be terribly healthy, as seeing it is A)rather strong and B)accompanied by a desire to smoke. And we can't have that. I promised.
Also, I know that this will all fade with time and that I am secure in my position of beloved. I'm just tired of fighting pain in the back of my head, and am getting ready to go home and sleep and sleep and sleep and eat food in my parents' house and lie upon the beach and sleep and lie in my own room and stare at my walls and sleep and doze in the hammock with a good book and eat real food I have cooked myself and sleep and slowly remove myself from the past and become totally healed.
These bad feelings will fade over time, and will be replaced with the old joy which will have become new joy. The trust will be restored on the subconscious level, and someday I will go back to that place I used to be in where there was zero doubt in my mind about anything, where everything was secure and safe and beautiful.
And it will all be so very Nice.