dooshite?
Why aren't I out there, partying it up?
Why aren't I out there, getting my ass drunk, all in good fun?
Why aren't I out there, having the time of my life with people I have just met?
Why aren't I out there, doing things I never had a chance to do while in Cerritos?
Why aren't I out there, getting laid by some of the most beautiful, intelligent girls out there who want to "try something new?"
Why aren't I out there, just being bad, even though I have both the means and the opportunity, knowing the only harm I could possibly cause is minor to myself, and only myself?
I know why. It's because she's always on my mind.
I can't go out at night without her on my mind. I can't do things with other people without wondering what she is doing. I can't listen to music without the image of her dancing to it. I can't sleep soundly without the sound of her voice echoing in my head. I can't enjoy watching the sunrise with my friends, without imagining us alone, with her by my side. I can't do any of the things I only dreamed about doing, while I was a freshman in High School, because all I can think about is wanting to talk to her and to see her face one more time. I can't really enjoy any of the pleasures that life away from parents has to offer without seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, or feeling her touch, even if it's just a dream, and even though I know any possiblities of a deeper future are just delusions of grandeur...
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... thank you. :] After all of this time, there is one thing that I know for certain. Even though we'll likely never be, I don't care! I'm going to keep trying in my stupid, childish ways, and I won't give up. I tried to forget about you, but after 3 years of trying, I don't think it's going to happen. Even if without hope, I'll still feel the same about you, and nothing is ever going to change that.
I.. well... [ahem].. you. :D