(no subject)

[elgel]

lately i have been coffee and arnold/hopkins comparisons. abrupt phone conversations, awkward indian style seating among the elderly. among my supposed boyfriend. friend that is a boy that i touch and try to give myself to. regardless of the sad car rides home alone and sulking in the bathtub. regardless of her sleeping on his couch and being a lush all wined and sloppy in speech. i can't see clearly enough into the distance to tell whether or not i will ever hide under your covers again or tuck your hair behind your ears. the longer you wait to talk to me, the easier this will be, the more effortlessly the words will come out. you won't be mine, but i also won't be yours. i will be his and his and his and theirs. everybodys. it will be normal again and i can once again squeeze thighs under dinner tables. things these kids do that i used to. ill remember the city, the beach, the blankets, the warmth, the wavering, the loss and quick regain, breaths, grilled cheeses, tiny gifts, rice pudding, attempts at talking, the cliffs and crashing water, the bars and the candles. everything i will cry about a few months from now in a dormroom with my own candles and my own grilled cheese. my own blankets. the warmth of myself. far away from the cliffs and the crashing water. without the regaining or attempts. i will think of it all and get sad and maybe even read one or two of your letters. look at a couple of pictures. but then i will stuff them all back into whatever book page they came from. and it will be okay again for a while. i don't really know, maybe its fine now.

yesterday night i went to jakes and we ate sweet potatoe fries and wached a dvd about toilet seat covers. it was pretty sweet. new friendddddd. yankee tickets.

bright eyes four winds is ggggreat. avoid the thoughts.