No pity. No shame. No silence.

[elfwreck]

I wasn't going to directly participate in this meme, because my experience(s?) with non-consensual sex weren't major, weren't particularly traumatic. I didn't have nightmares over them (err, "it;" one that's clear, and a couple of encounters that I could interpret that way if I were so inclined, which I'm generally not; I'm only talking about one

Comments

Re: What my Mom Told Me

[saizai]

[/me comes along later and reads this]

FWIW - not all guys are like that. And IMHO you can usually identify the ones who are.

I've been in rather more ... intimate circumstances than just "at my apartment alone" with someone I liked, but we'd agreed I wasn't going to do anything about it, so I didn't - because I turned off my directed-horniness response. I don't know how uncommon I am in being able to regulate my response like that; it does take some conscious doing, and I can say that under the influence of being really horny, your cognition (or male cognintion at least) does some really freakily weird things.

I think an easier way to address this is, don't allow someone to become seriously horny (including yourself) if sex is not a valid option - or in general, don't enter a mental state or other situation that you can't easily control, and whose probable consequences you're not willing to accept. It's just a stressfully hard thing to cut off at that point. This goes in general with setting your limits at good breakpoints, not somewhere in the middle of a rampup stage.

Re: What my Mom Told Me

[serpentrose]

I agree, not all guys are like that. I'd even go so far as to say that most guys are decent people. (Including my BF who has proven himself wonderful on a great many occasions.)

The trick is to be careful, whatever that means in a given situation.