(no subject)
I'M SO FUCKING SICK of feeling hopeful. what am i waiting for? exactly. i have no idea. and the worst part is that i'm not even excited anymore. i'm not excited for anything. i feel like shit. i feel like fucking shit all the time, about myself, about everyone else, about the world. lately.
if i were original it wouldn't be so bad. if there were something special about me then it wouldn't be so bad. if i could give something to this world or make a difference then maybe my days wouldn't be filled with hatred and wanting and anger. i'm so fucking angry. i feel like ripping my hair out. god i fucking hate who i am.
"sophie, what schools are you applying to?" -dr. rowes
"well, i really like oberlin, and um--"
"what's your average?" -dr. rowes
"now? well it's a 91.8--"
*shakes head* "and your SAT scores?" -dr. rowes
"well, i mean, 1900, but--"
"you can't get into oberlin." -dr. rowes
"oh."
at least now i KNOW i'm not good enough, because she knows everything.
fuck college. fuck people. fuck living. it's not worth this.
if i were original it wouldn't be so bad. if there were something special about me then it wouldn't be so bad. if i could give something to this world or make a difference then maybe my days wouldn't be filled with hatred and wanting and anger. i'm so fucking angry. i feel like ripping my hair out. god i fucking hate who i am.
"sophie, what schools are you applying to?" -dr. rowes
"well, i really like oberlin, and um--"
"what's your average?" -dr. rowes
"now? well it's a 91.8--"
*shakes head* "and your SAT scores?" -dr. rowes
"well, i mean, 1900, but--"
"you can't get into oberlin." -dr. rowes
"oh."
at least now i KNOW i'm not good enough, because she knows everything.
fuck college. fuck people. fuck living. it's not worth this.