I've got no subtlety and no ability to read people. If I wander near triggers, you'll just have to tell me to back off. But perhaps it's like using a flail-wheel to clear land-mines. Find the triggers and set em off when you're ready for them -- friends nearby. Bull inna china shop, that's me. But sometimes the analogies work. Or maybe they don't. I don't really have a good internal model for how "triggered" diseases work.
What was it, five, six years ago, that we moved you into that space? You just-now "found" a park two blocks away? Isnt' this evidence of "a win"? You're out, discovering your world. You've made progress in your community, multiple inches in your physical self and art and literature are flowing. Lit always sucks when it's first put down. That's what editors are for.
Restless, chaotic and full of triggers. Does this just mean that you're waking up from something? "Let there be light!" "Ow, my eyes hurt! Shut it off" (grin. No, don't shut it off.) You can build brick walls in front of switches/triggers, or you can promise never to go in that room, or you can paint cute demon faces on the switch and tell people not to touch it. If it gets bumped, shrug about it, bull through the crisis and learn to come out the other side. It gives you a lot more room in your soul than walling off whole rooms. Like this note says "I did binge the next night, ... but that's ALL I did [and only once]." Exzctly. When you fall off a bike, you can promise never to do THAT again, or you can apply the band-aids, get back on and ride home.
Awake is good. I think that the terror gives a lot of the power to the triggers. Laugh at 'em; Paint silly faces onto the switch plates.
Let me know if my taurus approach is making a mess of your china shop. We all lubs ya.
Re: Buncha CommentselfmaidApril 12 2009, 18:19:22 UTC
Well! *said cheerfully*
For a guy who claims " I don't really have a good internal model for how "triggered" diseases work. " You seem exceptionally clueful!
Painting the switches LOL, I LOVE that analogy! I shall have to do just that! What a wonderful idea! Hm, you know, sometimes I don't know something is a trigger until long after it's been flipped... but that's also just part and parcel of the whole package *rolls eyes*.
"waking up from something". Well yes, I guess I am - and it's probably why I've put off exercize for so long, cause it's increasingly obvious to me that having no excuses health wise anymore isn't going to cut the mustard far as my carear and things are concerned... mind you I'm JUST smart enough not to tangle with that just yet. Have to remember not to be a typical sagitarian and meet crap head on, full force, all 4 hooves flailing madly in my rush to conquer all and then wonder why I fall flat on my face and do a lipstand. (imagine a centaur doing a lipstand, wow THAT's some silly shit right there!)
As for the park... heh well it's been closer to 7 years I've been here, thanks to everyone's help - and yes, I'm only just discovering things off Main street itself in my quest to get my heart rate up without killing myself. I've been that many years without much pysical activity, living in front of my computer screen with my head in the clouds or even in the sand. *nods wisely*
And yes it IS a 'win' to have found it AND admit to binge eating and give myself credit for having not only been honest, but sharing my secret shame and then admitting I done good. THAT is the healthy Amy that fights the thing in my head and more often wins these days after 10+ years of fighting. Did I mention I HATE my bulimia? The thing is, it's enough like alcoholism or any other compulsive problem that it served a valid (if destructive) purpose for many years and learning to live without it is scarey. Like you, I have no frame of reference without it distorting my perceptions and behaviour. *nods*
SO there ya go, doesn't make sense I suppose, but then a mental illness just doesn't at that.
HUGZ to you! I appreciate the help far more than you know! It's really scarey for me to reach out, and I get very ashamed of how this still kills me, and THAT is what makes it even deadlier to deal with. Shame is such a crappy thing.
What was it, five, six years ago, that we moved you into that space? You just-now "found" a park two blocks away? Isnt' this evidence of "a win"? You're out, discovering your world. You've made progress in your community, multiple inches in your physical self and art and literature are flowing. Lit always sucks when it's first put down. That's what editors are for.
Restless, chaotic and full of triggers. Does this just mean that you're waking up from something? "Let there be light!" "Ow, my eyes hurt! Shut it off" (grin. No, don't shut it off.) You can build brick walls in front of switches/triggers, or you can promise never to go in that room, or you can paint cute demon faces on the switch and tell people not to touch it. If it gets bumped, shrug about it, bull through the crisis and learn to come out the other side. It gives you a lot more room in your soul than walling off whole rooms. Like this note says "I did binge the next night, ... but that's ALL I did [and only once]." Exzctly. When you fall off a bike, you can promise never to do THAT again, or you can apply the band-aids, get back on and ride home.
Awake is good. I think that the terror gives a lot of the power to the triggers. Laugh at 'em; Paint silly faces onto the switch plates.
Let me know if my taurus approach is making a mess of your china shop. We all lubs ya.
Reply
For a guy who claims " I don't really have a good internal model for how "triggered" diseases work.
" You seem exceptionally clueful!
Painting the switches LOL, I LOVE that analogy! I shall have to do just that! What a wonderful idea! Hm, you know, sometimes I don't know something is a trigger until long after it's been flipped... but that's also just part and parcel of the whole package *rolls eyes*.
"waking up from something". Well yes, I guess I am - and it's probably why I've put off exercize for so long, cause it's increasingly obvious to me that having no excuses health wise anymore isn't going to cut the mustard far as my carear and things are concerned... mind you I'm JUST smart enough not to tangle with that just yet. Have to remember not to be a typical sagitarian and meet crap head on, full force, all 4 hooves flailing madly in my rush to conquer all and then wonder why I fall flat on my face and do a lipstand. (imagine a centaur doing a lipstand, wow THAT's some silly shit right there!)
As for the park... heh well it's been closer to 7 years I've been here, thanks to everyone's help - and yes, I'm only just discovering things off Main street itself in my quest to get my heart rate up without killing myself. I've been that many years without much pysical activity, living in front of my computer screen with my head in the clouds or even in the sand. *nods wisely*
And yes it IS a 'win' to have found it AND admit to binge eating and give myself credit for having not only been honest, but sharing my secret shame and then admitting I done good. THAT is the healthy Amy that fights the thing in my head and more often wins these days after 10+ years of fighting. Did I mention I HATE my bulimia? The thing is, it's enough like alcoholism or any other compulsive problem that it served a valid (if destructive) purpose for many years and learning to live without it is scarey. Like you, I have no frame of reference without it distorting my perceptions and behaviour. *nods*
SO there ya go, doesn't make sense I suppose, but then a mental illness just doesn't at that.
HUGZ to you! I appreciate the help far more than you know! It's really scarey for me to reach out, and I get very ashamed of how this still kills me, and THAT is what makes it even deadlier to deal with. Shame is such a crappy thing.
Woot to my friends!
Reply
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