I am content
I am content.
My period is over, I think: that annual depression that hits me every year between March and June. Nice to have it over before May hits, and Spring is just starting.
I am content.
That means I am not happy, because I think I have forgotten what happy really means. But I guess I am happy to be content with not being sad or angry.
I am content, in that, while life is going to hell around me, I can still be content. That while many of my friends and peers are un or under employed, I have a steady job. It's not a job I love or look forward to going to, but my job is not panhandling, selling crack, flipping burgers or telemarketing. So I am content.
I am content to have friends. I am not happy that they are so far removed as to be practically non existent, and I am not sad at being lonely, because relative solitude isn't all that bad. But I am content to know that, at least emotionally, I have people I can connect with if I need to.
I am content to have no cell phone or TV service and that I no longer listen to the radio or read the newspaper or magazines. That means I have no clue about whatever current evil is happening in the world, and without all the bad news to depress, anger or frighten me, I can be content.
I am content to come home and have a meal with my family, watch a DVD, play Rock Band with Holly Erin or World of Warcraft with faceless strangers that serve as a placebo for friendship. That I have found a guild to play in that causes me no stress, has no angry demands and appreciates what I do for them. Once again, after recently being made an officer, I am in a position of leadership and authority, looked up to and counted on...with no strings attached. I am content to know that if it all goes bad, I can walk away without ruining or losing partners in a serious relationship, cultivated over many years. So to have a relaxed and boring life of no muss and no fuss, I am content. I think I am past my need for excitement in life. I have had enough of that.
I am content, and perhaps a little proud, that my smart but lazy daughter actually went all out to apply to, get accepted to and get a scholarship to the school of her choice. She has made arrangements for living and has a plan in place, and while she will be 2,000 miles away, perhaps forever, I am content to know that I did my job. I raised a good human being to take my place when I leave this earth. I am content to know that I can now do that at any time without remorse or regret.
I am content to look back on my past and see that, at 45, I have lived a full life, accomplished many deeds and have contributed positively to my environment and those whose lives I have touched. There are many who cannot claim to have done this, and since I have, I am content.
Sometimes, life is good. Sometimes life sucks. All that one can really hope for, is to be content.
And I am content.
My period is over, I think: that annual depression that hits me every year between March and June. Nice to have it over before May hits, and Spring is just starting.
I am content.
That means I am not happy, because I think I have forgotten what happy really means. But I guess I am happy to be content with not being sad or angry.
I am content, in that, while life is going to hell around me, I can still be content. That while many of my friends and peers are un or under employed, I have a steady job. It's not a job I love or look forward to going to, but my job is not panhandling, selling crack, flipping burgers or telemarketing. So I am content.
I am content to have friends. I am not happy that they are so far removed as to be practically non existent, and I am not sad at being lonely, because relative solitude isn't all that bad. But I am content to know that, at least emotionally, I have people I can connect with if I need to.
I am content to have no cell phone or TV service and that I no longer listen to the radio or read the newspaper or magazines. That means I have no clue about whatever current evil is happening in the world, and without all the bad news to depress, anger or frighten me, I can be content.
I am content to come home and have a meal with my family, watch a DVD, play Rock Band with Holly Erin or World of Warcraft with faceless strangers that serve as a placebo for friendship. That I have found a guild to play in that causes me no stress, has no angry demands and appreciates what I do for them. Once again, after recently being made an officer, I am in a position of leadership and authority, looked up to and counted on...with no strings attached. I am content to know that if it all goes bad, I can walk away without ruining or losing partners in a serious relationship, cultivated over many years. So to have a relaxed and boring life of no muss and no fuss, I am content. I think I am past my need for excitement in life. I have had enough of that.
I am content, and perhaps a little proud, that my smart but lazy daughter actually went all out to apply to, get accepted to and get a scholarship to the school of her choice. She has made arrangements for living and has a plan in place, and while she will be 2,000 miles away, perhaps forever, I am content to know that I did my job. I raised a good human being to take my place when I leave this earth. I am content to know that I can now do that at any time without remorse or regret.
I am content to look back on my past and see that, at 45, I have lived a full life, accomplished many deeds and have contributed positively to my environment and those whose lives I have touched. There are many who cannot claim to have done this, and since I have, I am content.
Sometimes, life is good. Sometimes life sucks. All that one can really hope for, is to be content.
And I am content.