Secrets Come Out (The Jerry Springer Show) - Orgy, R, 1/1
The Jerry Springer Show
“Secrets Come Out”
Close in on Jerry strolling towards the camera. He looks amused. Of course he looks amused...he knows what’s on the show today. I also look amused...because I know too. Read on...it’s kinda worth it.
Jerry: Thank you (x5)...thank you and welcome to the show. Guests are here to confess to their lovers that they have been hiding secrets from them.
The audience ‘oohs’.
Jerry: (nodding) You know how we feel about that.
Well, they say they are ready to deal with the fallout on today’s show once their secrets come out. Please meet Ryan.
We see Ryan lounging back in one of those funky, extremely throwable green upholstered chairs. His blonde hair is spiked and he is dressed entirely in black. He looks sullen.
Jerry: Hello Ryan.
Ryan: Hey dude.
Jerry: Now Ryan say’s he’s suspicious that another guy is trying to steal his lover...Why are you suspicious Ryan?
Ryan: Well, you see Jerry, my lover’s been coming home smelling like this other guy we know and since neither of us wear that cologne...(shrugs) I figure he must be fucking him. Plus this guy’s been sniffing around him for ages. He’s such a slut.
Jerry: Who? Your lover or this other guy?
Ryan: (in an annoyed tone) The other guy!
Jerry: Sorry. And this other guy...how do you know him?
Ryan: Well, he’s one of the guys in the band we’re both in. He’s....mmm...a very domineering person, and tends to get his own way a lot.
Jerry: Alright...er...let’s bring out your lover now...Bobby.
Door opens and in comes a handsome man. He’s evidently part Latino with his smooth olive skin. As soon as he appears the female half of the audience goes ‘ooh’ in appreciation. He’s dressed in black pants and a fitted grey singlet that shows off his body to perfection.
He walks onto the stage and when he sees Ryan a grin forms on his face. He heads over to Ryan who’s risen to his feet at Bobby’s entry. They share a wildly passionate kiss and the audience explodes in appreciation.
Ryan sits back down and draws Bobby onto his lap. He strokes the other man’s leg, his fingers cruising up the inside of Bobby’s thigh, closer and closer to the growing bulge in the front of Bobby’s pants.
Jerry: Hey Bobby.
Bobby: Hey Jerry - how are ya?
Jerry: (laughs) I’m good thanks, Bobby. Now, do you have any idea why you’re here?
Bobby: (immediately looks guarded) I think I might have an idea.
Jerry: Well, we’ll let Ryan speak...(gestures to Ryan)
Ryan looks up at Bobby, his lip caught between his teeth.
Ryan: Bobby, I just wanna ask you - have you been cheating on me with Jay?
Bobby looks ashamed and Ryan looks distressed.
Ryan: Dude, how can you do this to me? I thought you loved me!
Bobby: Ry, I do love you. It’s just that - we were drunk...and it happened...
Ryan: How many times Bobby? How many times have you fucked him?
Bobby: (swallows) I don’t *know* how many times!
Jerry interrupts. He has a very serious look on his face. You know the one that says, ‘This is a very serious issue but I hope we can sort it out’.
Jerry: How long have you been sleeping with Jay, Bobby?
Bobby: For about a month and a half.
Ryan looks pissed. He pushes Bobby off his lap and the other man sprawls on the floor. Steve rushes forward in case there’s going to be a punch up but they just glare at each other.
The audience cheers.
As Bobby moves to get to his feet Ryan stands up to loom over him.
Ryan: How can you say you were both *drunk* Bobby? You trying to tell me that you’ve been drunk for the past fucking month and a half? And Jay of all fucking people!
Bobby: (stands up) Oh and like you can talk Ry - you can’t say you haven’t fucked him before! When was the last time you sucked him off? Huh? I *know* you went down on him in the shower after *that* gig two months ago!
Ryan: (splutters) I - I - I - (sits down)
Jerry: But that’s not all, is it Ryan?
Ryan: (looks defiantly at Bobby) No, no it’s not Jerry. I’ve also been sleeping with Paige.
The look of betrayal on Bobby’s face is comical. Like he can be betrayed by this revelation - after telling everyone he was fucking Jay!
Jerry: Tell us who Paige is...
Ryan: He’s one of the other dudes in our band. He’s a great guy...I like him a lot. He’s got some...interesting ideas. Yeah - I like him a lot.
Ryan smirks at Bobby, who still manages to hold onto his betrayed expression.
Jerry: Obviously, since you’re...since you’ve been sleeping with him too.
With a howl of anger Bobby leaps to his feet, barreling towards Ryan. Steve and his cohorts leap up and restrain both men. Bobby is escorted back to his chair where he sits, glowering at Ryan.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Bobby: How could you do this to me, man? I mean...Paige! God, at least when I fuck Jay you know that’s all it is! Fucking! (He shakes his head and scrubs his hand over his eyes) For Christ’s sake, Paige is the sort of guy *you’d* fall in love with!
Ryan: (looks at his hands) I think I already have.
Bobby gasps and runs from the stage in tears. A exceedingly helpful bouncer guy quickly escorts him back onto the stage. He sits in his chair, sobbing.
Ryan: (earnestly) But I still love you too Bobby - more than anything...
Bobby: (wails) How can you say that - how can you say that?! You’ve just admitted that you love Paige! Does Amir know?
Jerry: (interrupting) Let’s bring out Paige to tell his side of the story...
Audience boos loudly.
The man that enters through the door is, like Ryan, totally clad in black. With his pale skin and black hair that frames his round face and intense blue eyes that peer out through the curtain of hair he looks very vampy. Ryan rises to his feet and walks over to Paige, wrapping his arms around him and they kiss deeply. This throws Bobby into a rage and he bounds over to tear Ryan off Paige. Steve and his cohorts come back on, ‘escorting’ everyone back to their chairs.
Audience: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Ryan’s mike has to be adjusted.
Bobby glares at Paige, who smirks back.
Paige: I don’t know what you’re so pissed at Bobby - don’t you -
Bobby: Shut up Paige!
Jerry: No, let him finish.
Ryan: (echoes) Yeah - let him finish Bob.
Paige is still grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat - he’s relishing this power he has over Bobby...hmmm...what power? Let’s see...
Paige: Don’t you remember Bobby...that night we went the threesome with Jay?
The audience howling its appreciation drowns out any replies by any of the men on the stage. Ryan’s on his feet gesticulating wildly and shouting at Bobby, most of his words beeped out anyway by the repeated gratuitous use of the word ‘fuck’. Jerry shakes his head and Paige sits back in his chair and smirks.
Paige: It was all Jay’s idea, wasn’t it Bobby? (still smirking, he studies the chipped deep blue nail polish on his right hand) That boy has such a filthy mind...I didn’t know you could *do* that with a microphone stand...
Ryan: What the fuck is he talking about Bobby? You fucked Paige too? *And* Jay?
Bobby: And you didn’t?
Ryan: (splutters) But - you - I (pauses) At least I didn’t go three way with him and Jay! (turns to Paige) Paige -
Paige: Yes baby?
He looks at Ryan with lazy eyes and immediately the blonde man melts and forgives him for anything he was angry with him for...which he can’t actually remember now. Ryan drags his chair over to sit beside Paige and takes his hand. Bobby looks on, his mouth hanging open. He bursts into noisy tears and runs from the stage again...only to be escorted back by the same exceedingly helpful bouncer guy from before.
Bobby: (sniffs) What about Amir, Paige? Aren’t you forgetting ‘Mir?
Jerry: Tell us who Amir is...
Bobby: Amir is Paige’s boyfriend! They’ve been together for a year or so and he’s the most adorable thing you’d ever meet. But yet Paige will fuck anything in sight! He’s just like Jay - if it’s got a heartbeat, he’ll fuck it!
Ryan: (sniggers) It doesn’t need to have a heartbeat for Jay to fuck it!
Paige: That’s bullshit, Bobby! I’m *nothing* like Jay!
Ryan: (echoes) Yeah, he’s nothing like Jay...
Bobby: Well fuck Paige - if *I* had Amir you wouldn’t catch me fucking anything else!
Jerry: (to camera) This is such a class operation.
Paige leans forward on his chair and looks at Bobby with a raised eyebrow.
Paige: (purrs) Really? Wanna join in with me and ‘Mir tonight, then?
Bobby: (gets all flustered) I - I - *stop* it Paige!
Meanwhile Ryan is sitting staring at Paige with lovey-dovey eyes. For the moment Paige is the absolute centre of his universe. Bobby? Who’s Bobby?
Jerry: Well, let’s find out what Amir has to say for himself...about his lover’s little...hmmm...antics...
The door opens. There’s a long pause and the audience murmurs in anticipation, before the man finally comes through. He looks very exotic. His long blonde hair, stained black at the ends, is disheveled and his feline eyes are almost...sated. What *has* been going on backstage? He pauses in the doorway and adjusts his clothing, runs one hand over his hair to smooth it down and the other over his lips before he steps out onto the stage. One shaped eyebrow raises in inquiry at the sight of the three men on the stage before both brows draw together in anger when he spots Ryan sitting next to Paige, clinging to his hand.
Paige quickly lets go of Ryan’s hand and jumps to his feet.
Paige: It’s not what you think babe!
Amir: Really? Then why are you sitting there holding his hand?
Amir pushes Paige sharply and Ryan jumps to his feet to attack the smaller man.
Audience: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Steve and his cohorts get another run, albeit briefly as the guys don’t do much but half-heartedly push each other around, and when peace is restored to the stage the four men are sitting glowering at each other.
Jerry: Amir, Paige has something to tell you...
Amir: I think it’s a bit fucking obvious!
Paige: I’m sorry babe - it just happened - I didn’t mean to hurt you...It was all Jay’s idea...he thought that Bobby needed to play-
Paige pauses and you can almost see his mental ‘Uh-oh’. It hadn’t been Bobby’s hand he was holding...
Amir: Not just Ry, but Bobby too? *And* Jay?!
He pauses for a moment to think a bit before a victorious smirk breaks over his face.
Amir: Well, what do you know...I’ve been fucking Jay too...
Paige: (shocked) But Amir - I thought you - I thought...(pauses) You fucked Jay?
Amir: (still smirking) More than once...he’s so...hmmm...how shall I put it? Creative? Flexible? Adventurous? *Horny*?
Paige looks totally crushed.
Paige: (plaintive) But you said I was all you’d ever need...
Amir: That, my dear, was before I discovered the pleasure of having Jay deep-throat me on the bus with you only a few metres away...
Audience riots. They haven’t had this much fun since the she-man that was on several weeks ago. Jerry looks embarrassed. Though why, no one really knows - I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t *deliberately* do things like these shows, now is it?
Jerry: So let me get this straight...Bobby’s with Ryan...
Bobby: (interrupts) *Was* with...
Jerry: ...and Paige is with Amir...and now Ryan’s slept with Paige and Bobby’s *also* slept with Paige *and* Jay as well...and Ryan’s also slept with Jay as has Paige - at the same time as when he was with Bobby - and Amir has too...yes? Okay...well, I think there is only one thing left to do...let’s meet Jay...Jay, come on out...
The door swings open and there is an anticipatory pause. The audience all lean forward to catch a glimpse of this man...
When he swings into the doorway, two thirds of the audience - both female *and* male - have spontaneous, simultaneous orgasms. He could only be described as pure sex on legs, his every movement implying a multitude of unworldly carnal delights. When he casts his hazel gaze - a gaze with the very devil in it - over the audience, the other third orgasms. He’s dressed entirely in form-fitting white and it's sinful for him to look so decadently erotic in the colour that symbolises purity and innocence. After all, there *is* no innocence in *this* man...
He lingers in the doorway a moment longer just for impact, before sauntering out onto the stage. When he sees who is on the stage a sly smile curves his lips. He knows what is going on.
Jerry: (who himself, is not completely unaffected by the sexual creature before him) Jay...er...take a seat...
Jay lounges in the seat in the centre of the stage. He knows he has everyone’s attention...he has had it since he stepped into the doorway. He glances over at Amir and winks, reaching out to take his hand and draw him from his chair to sit on Jay’s lap.
It’s clear now, why the Persian was looking so sated when he entered the studio...after all, he *had* mentioned Jay’s adventurous nature (not to mention his sheer horniness)... What he didn’t mention was what you could get away with in a darkened alcove only a few metres from the stage door...
Jerry: Err...I think you know what’s going on here, don’t you?
Jay: (nods) It’s about time these guys found out who was fucking who...I swear, sometimes I thought they’d meet themselves...coming...if you know what I mean. I didn’t go to all that trouble for them to just...screw up at the wrong time.
Jerry: (slightly incredulous) You engineered all of this?
Jay: Of course...the happy families they were playing...ahh, it was all so *stagnant* - not to mention sickening! So I thought to stir up the pot...mind you, I wasn’t getting a decent fuck off anyone while they were all shacked up with each other, so (shrugs) I did what I had to do.
Jerry: Do you - do *any* of you know what you’ll do now?
Bobby and Ryan share a tentative glance. Despite the fact that he loves Paige, Ryan was still very much in love with Bobby. Amir is too busy happily nuzzling Jay’s neck to know what’s going on and too drunk on his scent to care, so Jay gestures for Paige to pull his chair over. He slings his arm around Paige’s shoulders and leans over to give him a deep kiss. Meanwhile Bobby and Ryan have made a more than a few tentative steps to getting back together and are wildly making out.
The audience riots again.
After they’re calmed down *again* Jerry clears his throat.
Jerry: (looking embarrassed again) So you’re all going to be friends again? It’s all sorted?
They all make noises of assent. You get the feeling looking at them that as soon as they get backstage there’s going to one big mass Orgy (hmmm...what shall I call it?) Reunion...
The happy ending dispensing with the need for question time, Jerry takes a seat at his table to make his Final Thought...or as I rather call it, Jerry’s ‘I Wanna Be Moral’ Thought for the Day...
Jerry: Let me take this opportunity to thank you all for being on the show and I hope you all...er...hell, you look happy enough to me...(pauses to gather his thoughts then looks at camera) Y’know, it’s fair to assume none of us are perfect...
Jay: (sniggers) Speak for yourself...
Paige elbows him gently. Jerry’s still rambling on.
Paige: Shh! Jerry’s being moral!
Jerry: Even though it seems none of this applies to these guys because they’ve managed to sort everything out in an...er...amicable fashion...so...yeah...I just think maybe these guys should practice truth a little more often...or at least let Jay run the show...
Jay: Ha! I told you so!
Amir bites Jay’s neck.
Jay: Ow! That hurt!
Amir: Then stop being so full of yourself!
Jay looks at Amir hotly.
Jay: Feel free to bite me at any time ‘Mir...
Jerry: Anyway, ‘til next time...take care of yourself...and each other.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
“Secrets Come Out”
Close in on Jerry strolling towards the camera. He looks amused. Of course he looks amused...he knows what’s on the show today. I also look amused...because I know too. Read on...it’s kinda worth it.
Jerry: Thank you (x5)...thank you and welcome to the show. Guests are here to confess to their lovers that they have been hiding secrets from them.
The audience ‘oohs’.
Jerry: (nodding) You know how we feel about that.
Well, they say they are ready to deal with the fallout on today’s show once their secrets come out. Please meet Ryan.
We see Ryan lounging back in one of those funky, extremely throwable green upholstered chairs. His blonde hair is spiked and he is dressed entirely in black. He looks sullen.
Jerry: Hello Ryan.
Ryan: Hey dude.
Jerry: Now Ryan say’s he’s suspicious that another guy is trying to steal his lover...Why are you suspicious Ryan?
Ryan: Well, you see Jerry, my lover’s been coming home smelling like this other guy we know and since neither of us wear that cologne...(shrugs) I figure he must be fucking him. Plus this guy’s been sniffing around him for ages. He’s such a slut.
Jerry: Who? Your lover or this other guy?
Ryan: (in an annoyed tone) The other guy!
Jerry: Sorry. And this other guy...how do you know him?
Ryan: Well, he’s one of the guys in the band we’re both in. He’s....mmm...a very domineering person, and tends to get his own way a lot.
Jerry: Alright...er...let’s bring out your lover now...Bobby.
Door opens and in comes a handsome man. He’s evidently part Latino with his smooth olive skin. As soon as he appears the female half of the audience goes ‘ooh’ in appreciation. He’s dressed in black pants and a fitted grey singlet that shows off his body to perfection.
He walks onto the stage and when he sees Ryan a grin forms on his face. He heads over to Ryan who’s risen to his feet at Bobby’s entry. They share a wildly passionate kiss and the audience explodes in appreciation.
Ryan sits back down and draws Bobby onto his lap. He strokes the other man’s leg, his fingers cruising up the inside of Bobby’s thigh, closer and closer to the growing bulge in the front of Bobby’s pants.
Jerry: Hey Bobby.
Bobby: Hey Jerry - how are ya?
Jerry: (laughs) I’m good thanks, Bobby. Now, do you have any idea why you’re here?
Bobby: (immediately looks guarded) I think I might have an idea.
Jerry: Well, we’ll let Ryan speak...(gestures to Ryan)
Ryan looks up at Bobby, his lip caught between his teeth.
Ryan: Bobby, I just wanna ask you - have you been cheating on me with Jay?
Bobby looks ashamed and Ryan looks distressed.
Ryan: Dude, how can you do this to me? I thought you loved me!
Bobby: Ry, I do love you. It’s just that - we were drunk...and it happened...
Ryan: How many times Bobby? How many times have you fucked him?
Bobby: (swallows) I don’t *know* how many times!
Jerry interrupts. He has a very serious look on his face. You know the one that says, ‘This is a very serious issue but I hope we can sort it out’.
Jerry: How long have you been sleeping with Jay, Bobby?
Bobby: For about a month and a half.
Ryan looks pissed. He pushes Bobby off his lap and the other man sprawls on the floor. Steve rushes forward in case there’s going to be a punch up but they just glare at each other.
The audience cheers.
As Bobby moves to get to his feet Ryan stands up to loom over him.
Ryan: How can you say you were both *drunk* Bobby? You trying to tell me that you’ve been drunk for the past fucking month and a half? And Jay of all fucking people!
Bobby: (stands up) Oh and like you can talk Ry - you can’t say you haven’t fucked him before! When was the last time you sucked him off? Huh? I *know* you went down on him in the shower after *that* gig two months ago!
Ryan: (splutters) I - I - I - (sits down)
Jerry: But that’s not all, is it Ryan?
Ryan: (looks defiantly at Bobby) No, no it’s not Jerry. I’ve also been sleeping with Paige.
The look of betrayal on Bobby’s face is comical. Like he can be betrayed by this revelation - after telling everyone he was fucking Jay!
Jerry: Tell us who Paige is...
Ryan: He’s one of the other dudes in our band. He’s a great guy...I like him a lot. He’s got some...interesting ideas. Yeah - I like him a lot.
Ryan smirks at Bobby, who still manages to hold onto his betrayed expression.
Jerry: Obviously, since you’re...since you’ve been sleeping with him too.
With a howl of anger Bobby leaps to his feet, barreling towards Ryan. Steve and his cohorts leap up and restrain both men. Bobby is escorted back to his chair where he sits, glowering at Ryan.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Bobby: How could you do this to me, man? I mean...Paige! God, at least when I fuck Jay you know that’s all it is! Fucking! (He shakes his head and scrubs his hand over his eyes) For Christ’s sake, Paige is the sort of guy *you’d* fall in love with!
Ryan: (looks at his hands) I think I already have.
Bobby gasps and runs from the stage in tears. A exceedingly helpful bouncer guy quickly escorts him back onto the stage. He sits in his chair, sobbing.
Ryan: (earnestly) But I still love you too Bobby - more than anything...
Bobby: (wails) How can you say that - how can you say that?! You’ve just admitted that you love Paige! Does Amir know?
Jerry: (interrupting) Let’s bring out Paige to tell his side of the story...
Audience boos loudly.
The man that enters through the door is, like Ryan, totally clad in black. With his pale skin and black hair that frames his round face and intense blue eyes that peer out through the curtain of hair he looks very vampy. Ryan rises to his feet and walks over to Paige, wrapping his arms around him and they kiss deeply. This throws Bobby into a rage and he bounds over to tear Ryan off Paige. Steve and his cohorts come back on, ‘escorting’ everyone back to their chairs.
Audience: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Ryan’s mike has to be adjusted.
Bobby glares at Paige, who smirks back.
Paige: I don’t know what you’re so pissed at Bobby - don’t you -
Bobby: Shut up Paige!
Jerry: No, let him finish.
Ryan: (echoes) Yeah - let him finish Bob.
Paige is still grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat - he’s relishing this power he has over Bobby...hmmm...what power? Let’s see...
Paige: Don’t you remember Bobby...that night we went the threesome with Jay?
The audience howling its appreciation drowns out any replies by any of the men on the stage. Ryan’s on his feet gesticulating wildly and shouting at Bobby, most of his words beeped out anyway by the repeated gratuitous use of the word ‘fuck’. Jerry shakes his head and Paige sits back in his chair and smirks.
Paige: It was all Jay’s idea, wasn’t it Bobby? (still smirking, he studies the chipped deep blue nail polish on his right hand) That boy has such a filthy mind...I didn’t know you could *do* that with a microphone stand...
Ryan: What the fuck is he talking about Bobby? You fucked Paige too? *And* Jay?
Bobby: And you didn’t?
Ryan: (splutters) But - you - I (pauses) At least I didn’t go three way with him and Jay! (turns to Paige) Paige -
Paige: Yes baby?
He looks at Ryan with lazy eyes and immediately the blonde man melts and forgives him for anything he was angry with him for...which he can’t actually remember now. Ryan drags his chair over to sit beside Paige and takes his hand. Bobby looks on, his mouth hanging open. He bursts into noisy tears and runs from the stage again...only to be escorted back by the same exceedingly helpful bouncer guy from before.
Bobby: (sniffs) What about Amir, Paige? Aren’t you forgetting ‘Mir?
Jerry: Tell us who Amir is...
Bobby: Amir is Paige’s boyfriend! They’ve been together for a year or so and he’s the most adorable thing you’d ever meet. But yet Paige will fuck anything in sight! He’s just like Jay - if it’s got a heartbeat, he’ll fuck it!
Ryan: (sniggers) It doesn’t need to have a heartbeat for Jay to fuck it!
Paige: That’s bullshit, Bobby! I’m *nothing* like Jay!
Ryan: (echoes) Yeah, he’s nothing like Jay...
Bobby: Well fuck Paige - if *I* had Amir you wouldn’t catch me fucking anything else!
Jerry: (to camera) This is such a class operation.
Paige leans forward on his chair and looks at Bobby with a raised eyebrow.
Paige: (purrs) Really? Wanna join in with me and ‘Mir tonight, then?
Bobby: (gets all flustered) I - I - *stop* it Paige!
Meanwhile Ryan is sitting staring at Paige with lovey-dovey eyes. For the moment Paige is the absolute centre of his universe. Bobby? Who’s Bobby?
Jerry: Well, let’s find out what Amir has to say for himself...about his lover’s little...hmmm...antics...
The door opens. There’s a long pause and the audience murmurs in anticipation, before the man finally comes through. He looks very exotic. His long blonde hair, stained black at the ends, is disheveled and his feline eyes are almost...sated. What *has* been going on backstage? He pauses in the doorway and adjusts his clothing, runs one hand over his hair to smooth it down and the other over his lips before he steps out onto the stage. One shaped eyebrow raises in inquiry at the sight of the three men on the stage before both brows draw together in anger when he spots Ryan sitting next to Paige, clinging to his hand.
Paige quickly lets go of Ryan’s hand and jumps to his feet.
Paige: It’s not what you think babe!
Amir: Really? Then why are you sitting there holding his hand?
Amir pushes Paige sharply and Ryan jumps to his feet to attack the smaller man.
Audience: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Steve and his cohorts get another run, albeit briefly as the guys don’t do much but half-heartedly push each other around, and when peace is restored to the stage the four men are sitting glowering at each other.
Jerry: Amir, Paige has something to tell you...
Amir: I think it’s a bit fucking obvious!
Paige: I’m sorry babe - it just happened - I didn’t mean to hurt you...It was all Jay’s idea...he thought that Bobby needed to play-
Paige pauses and you can almost see his mental ‘Uh-oh’. It hadn’t been Bobby’s hand he was holding...
Amir: Not just Ry, but Bobby too? *And* Jay?!
He pauses for a moment to think a bit before a victorious smirk breaks over his face.
Amir: Well, what do you know...I’ve been fucking Jay too...
Paige: (shocked) But Amir - I thought you - I thought...(pauses) You fucked Jay?
Amir: (still smirking) More than once...he’s so...hmmm...how shall I put it? Creative? Flexible? Adventurous? *Horny*?
Paige looks totally crushed.
Paige: (plaintive) But you said I was all you’d ever need...
Amir: That, my dear, was before I discovered the pleasure of having Jay deep-throat me on the bus with you only a few metres away...
Audience riots. They haven’t had this much fun since the she-man that was on several weeks ago. Jerry looks embarrassed. Though why, no one really knows - I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t *deliberately* do things like these shows, now is it?
Jerry: So let me get this straight...Bobby’s with Ryan...
Bobby: (interrupts) *Was* with...
Jerry: ...and Paige is with Amir...and now Ryan’s slept with Paige and Bobby’s *also* slept with Paige *and* Jay as well...and Ryan’s also slept with Jay as has Paige - at the same time as when he was with Bobby - and Amir has too...yes? Okay...well, I think there is only one thing left to do...let’s meet Jay...Jay, come on out...
The door swings open and there is an anticipatory pause. The audience all lean forward to catch a glimpse of this man...
When he swings into the doorway, two thirds of the audience - both female *and* male - have spontaneous, simultaneous orgasms. He could only be described as pure sex on legs, his every movement implying a multitude of unworldly carnal delights. When he casts his hazel gaze - a gaze with the very devil in it - over the audience, the other third orgasms. He’s dressed entirely in form-fitting white and it's sinful for him to look so decadently erotic in the colour that symbolises purity and innocence. After all, there *is* no innocence in *this* man...
He lingers in the doorway a moment longer just for impact, before sauntering out onto the stage. When he sees who is on the stage a sly smile curves his lips. He knows what is going on.
Jerry: (who himself, is not completely unaffected by the sexual creature before him) Jay...er...take a seat...
Jay lounges in the seat in the centre of the stage. He knows he has everyone’s attention...he has had it since he stepped into the doorway. He glances over at Amir and winks, reaching out to take his hand and draw him from his chair to sit on Jay’s lap.
It’s clear now, why the Persian was looking so sated when he entered the studio...after all, he *had* mentioned Jay’s adventurous nature (not to mention his sheer horniness)... What he didn’t mention was what you could get away with in a darkened alcove only a few metres from the stage door...
Jerry: Err...I think you know what’s going on here, don’t you?
Jay: (nods) It’s about time these guys found out who was fucking who...I swear, sometimes I thought they’d meet themselves...coming...if you know what I mean. I didn’t go to all that trouble for them to just...screw up at the wrong time.
Jerry: (slightly incredulous) You engineered all of this?
Jay: Of course...the happy families they were playing...ahh, it was all so *stagnant* - not to mention sickening! So I thought to stir up the pot...mind you, I wasn’t getting a decent fuck off anyone while they were all shacked up with each other, so (shrugs) I did what I had to do.
Jerry: Do you - do *any* of you know what you’ll do now?
Bobby and Ryan share a tentative glance. Despite the fact that he loves Paige, Ryan was still very much in love with Bobby. Amir is too busy happily nuzzling Jay’s neck to know what’s going on and too drunk on his scent to care, so Jay gestures for Paige to pull his chair over. He slings his arm around Paige’s shoulders and leans over to give him a deep kiss. Meanwhile Bobby and Ryan have made a more than a few tentative steps to getting back together and are wildly making out.
The audience riots again.
After they’re calmed down *again* Jerry clears his throat.
Jerry: (looking embarrassed again) So you’re all going to be friends again? It’s all sorted?
They all make noises of assent. You get the feeling looking at them that as soon as they get backstage there’s going to one big mass Orgy (hmmm...what shall I call it?) Reunion...
The happy ending dispensing with the need for question time, Jerry takes a seat at his table to make his Final Thought...or as I rather call it, Jerry’s ‘I Wanna Be Moral’ Thought for the Day...
Jerry: Let me take this opportunity to thank you all for being on the show and I hope you all...er...hell, you look happy enough to me...(pauses to gather his thoughts then looks at camera) Y’know, it’s fair to assume none of us are perfect...
Jay: (sniggers) Speak for yourself...
Paige elbows him gently. Jerry’s still rambling on.
Paige: Shh! Jerry’s being moral!
Jerry: Even though it seems none of this applies to these guys because they’ve managed to sort everything out in an...er...amicable fashion...so...yeah...I just think maybe these guys should practice truth a little more often...or at least let Jay run the show...
Jay: Ha! I told you so!
Amir bites Jay’s neck.
Jay: Ow! That hurt!
Amir: Then stop being so full of yourself!
Jay looks at Amir hotly.
Jay: Feel free to bite me at any time ‘Mir...
Jerry: Anyway, ‘til next time...take care of yourself...and each other.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!