Pathfinder Campaign (2/?)
This next section took longer than expected, but at last it's done. Now to immediately get to yesterday's session.
( Breaking and entering with a paladin requires some circuitous logic. Not that it's been used here. )
( Breaking and entering with a paladin requires some circuitous logic. Not that it's been used here. )
“I had best not see any light fingers,” Lorak said, leveling the woman with an even stare, lips curling to make his tusks even more pronounced.
(I think it should rather be "leveling an even stare at the woman", otherwise it reads like the stare knocked her flat.)
“Of course not, Ser Lorak,” she said, casting her eyes down. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
(Ahaha. Sly witch is sly.)
Tumney North
(I like the name - is it a name for a district, then?)
The hook veered sharply upwards, as if it has hit something
(Tense disagreement. Also, does the hook fly through another window, or over the top of the wall entirely?)
If you had stood elsewhere, you might have ended up there,
(I'm a little confused at her meaning, here.)
The statue of the woman, on the other hand, had obviously had lovingly detailed attention paid to it.
(A mere nitpick, but every other sentence in this paragraph begins with "It".)
“So left, right, or straight down the center?” Tilgu asked, peering around the octagonal room and taking in the four entranceways, one in each cardinal direction.
(The extra gates can be left out for simplicty, they're not important, but up-page a bit the statue was staring at a gate. Also, the fourth entranceway here is technically an exit-way, no?)
“Don’t you it a little unhealthy to be drinking it?”
He looked up. “Fish regularly move their bowels in rivers. And still people constantly splash naked in them. How is this any different?”
(Ahahaha. Drog is awesome.)
The man’s struggles finally succeeding in landing an elbow in Drog’s injured side
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He may or may not be buying the act.
Tumney North- is it a name for a district, then?
I was thinking more along the lines that Tumney was the street, but it crossed two bridges. Whatevs, I felt like a proper noun was required in these matters.
The hook veered sharply upwards, as if it has hit something
(Tense disagreement. Also, does the hook fly through another window, or over the top of the wall entirely?)
Typo, not tense disagreement. =P (The rope went through, up, then back over. Flying in 180 degree opposite direction! Possibly I misunderstood the wall. Meh.)
If you had stood elsewhere, you might have ended up there,
(I'm a little confused at her meaning, here.)
Probably so is everybody else and ignoring her. (Basically her logic was- if the hook is aimed to fall directly on him, he will then move and not be hit! But if the hook is not aimed directly at him and he moves, then he could be hit!)
The extra gates can be left out for simplicty, they're not important, but up-page a bit the statue was staring at a gate. Also, the fourth entranceway here is technically an exit-way, no?
Whoops, forgot to give that gate the boot when I went 'who the hell cares, gates were there for time-consumption, not plot' and erased them all. (Also, four entrances to the room. One simply happens to be the exit for the building.)
“Fish regularly move their bowels in rivers. And still people constantly splash naked in them. How is this any different?”
(Ahahaha. Drog is awesome.)
It struck me as the perfect line for him. (Also, everybody else's varying degrees of 'oh god, I just vomited in my mouth' looks. I crack me up.)
The man’s struggles finally succeeding in landing an elbow in Drog’s injured side
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Fish poop isn't so bad, actually. It's the turtle poop that should really gross people out.
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