On Editing

[elfhawk]

So I've got 50000 words of text I need to proofread. I took December off because by the end of NaNoWriMo, I basically had the entire thing memorized and couldn't see typos because I knew what the sentence was supposed to say. Carmen happily helped out with a lot of the grammar stuff that I would've spotted during the proofreading, so I changed my

Comments

Proofreading and general notes for Prologue and Part 1

[carmenwoods]

Because I'm too lazy to post in each individual section, I post here. Not all of these are typos - I'm including some questions about background and context that occurred to me on this latest read-through, and some quibbles about word choice you should feel free to quibble right back about.

I'll post my notes for the next parts as I get to them. Gaah, and I have to break this post up because it's too long. Bah.

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Prologue

They barely registered as present, but there were so many crowded in here now the air was beginning to feel heavy.
(The "here" reads a little strangely since all your POVs are 3rd-person rather than 1st.)

He watched her tuck something small and shiny into one of the belt's many pockets.
(Would a belt have pockets rather than pouches?)

"Just because they locked him up doesn't necessarily mean they were wrong to," the elf warned, but flounced away anyways.
("anyways" seems a little dialect-y for non-dialogue.)

The thoughtful gaze ... a liveliness to her gaze ... always had the same distrustful gaze ...
(The

Re: Proofreading and general notes for Prologue and Part 1

[elfhawk]

The here sounded odd to me when I wrote it, but I didn't care much at the time (there was a time limit, after all), and it didn't register as important in the various skim-overs I did. How about "They barely registered as present, but now there were so many crowded into the dusty storeroom that the air felt heavy

Re: Proofreading and general notes for Prologue and Part 1

[carmenwoods]

Yar, that sounds great. I just balked at the "here".

Cool - so it's more like Batman's utility belt. Only Petra would never wear such an eye-wrenching yellow.

Yeah, especially since Teilomere seems more precise in his wording and all.

And, I admit I like my adjectives a certain way and keep itching to rearrange them. It's a personal failing.

Re: Proofreading and general notes for Prologue and Part 1

[elfhawk]

Teilomere actually describes Petra's belt for you. I suppose kit belt was a bit subtle. I just didn't want to say utility belt, because it is too associated with Batman. I knew the term kit belt from my military novels, so I figured it would be safe to use.

Re: Proofreading and general notes for Prologue and Part 1

[carmenwoods]

I'm just slow on the uptake is all.