Tequila and Superheroes
I had dinner with Liz and her folks a couple days ago. Beef. Finally. They keep making chicken, and I hate the stuff. Which isn't the point of this.
Liz's dad gave me booze. I said I wasn't one for wine, so I got a shot of tequila while the rest of them finished off two bottles of white wine. Tequila tastes funny and I'm really chatty after a shot of it. (Liz says I'm not allowed to get drunk in public because I'm a tease. She's probably right.) And more vocal about sadistic tendencies. (I probably shouldn't tell coworkers I think rapists should be castrated, but too late now. I can't even blame that one on being somewhat inebriated...) And make lewd jokes. (Which I do anyway, but usually not around anyone older than thirty.) Such as the fact Liz's dad was 'liquoring me up.' (Direct quote, as made by minorly buzzed lightweight.) And then talking about how my dad's part Native American and is pretty much hairless (no, he doesn't shave his legs, but it sure looks like it, according to Liz Higginbottom. I forget how the conversation brought that about, but I'm pretty sure it made sense at the time) and Liz's dad promised to check should he ever meet my dad. To which I complain that first he liquors me up,only to leave me for my father. (Why yes, I am ridiculous. Why did you forget?) Further embarrassments should probably be checked with Liz, since my memory's never been the greatest and the tequila on a completely empty stomach didn't help. (And the next time I head over, I want to try *two* shots and see what happens.)
(Do you suppose I have enough asides or should I add some more in?)
Liz says I'm obsessed with spandex. I bring it up every time she brings up comic books and superheroes. Well it seems important to me. Nothing says hero like a wedgie that you just can't seem to get rid of. She gets defensive and talks about how the original comic book artists were lazy and didn't want to draw fabric lines and the trend just continued from there. I'd like to point out that comic books would be a lot more popular with girls if the heroes didn't dress in spandex and flashy gay colors. (Why yes, that is a double entendre. Haven't you noticed the 'older hero and young ward' thing? Batman's first Robin was an acrobat. An *acrobat*. I shouldn't need to explain.)
Plus they need to have strong female characters. This does not include Wonder Woman and her bathing suit and her BDSM weaknesses. (Tie her up and she loses her powers? Creepy. Very creepy. Let's not even get started about the original writer's mistress.) The usual female character in comic books is girlfriend who will eventually end up dead or becoming a minion for the bad guys or actually *is* the bad guy. (The hero must have angst! The reader must have eye-candy! Just combine the two, obviously.)
Another annoying thing is the alter egos. Look at them. Batman's is a billionaire playboy. Superman is a dorky journalist. Spiderman's a dorky photographer with a penchant for science. The first is wish fulfillment (as if the superhero persona isn't enough of one), the other two are 'everyman.' Just think, if a spider bit that comic book dork over there in the corner, he could become the next Spiderman. (He'd probably look worse in Spandex, though...)
Actually what really ticks me off is the way Superman's hairstyle changes and somehow that makes it so that no one notices that he and Clark Kent look *exactly* alike and are *never* in the same place as once, even though Lois Lane is frequently found in either of their's company. At least Spiderman's costume covers his entire head. Superman just hopes you'll be blinded by his lack of fashion sense and his sparkling white teeth and thus don't notice that he looks like some journalist at the Daily Planet, except without the hornrimmed glasses. (Funny, I still look like me with no glasses, a different hairstyle, and fashion-less clothes on. You suppose the spandex is used as a distractant as well?)
And combining this with my annoyance with comic book portrayal of women and the 'everyman'ness of Clark Kent, you notice how Lois is all over Superman and won't give Kent the time of day? Way to burst the dorks' bubbles, you heartless bastards. Now they'll be thinking that, should they ever get superpowers, they still won't be able to get the girl because she's madly in love with their alter ego and still won't give the dork the time of day. Oooh, look, now we get reader-angst!
What do you suppose exanimate means? And I'm not even going to go into all the dirty minded things that come to mind with the 'energetic' mood star. Bouncing stars do not look right and are likely outlawed in Kansas.
Liz's dad gave me booze. I said I wasn't one for wine, so I got a shot of tequila while the rest of them finished off two bottles of white wine. Tequila tastes funny and I'm really chatty after a shot of it. (Liz says I'm not allowed to get drunk in public because I'm a tease. She's probably right.) And more vocal about sadistic tendencies. (I probably shouldn't tell coworkers I think rapists should be castrated, but too late now. I can't even blame that one on being somewhat inebriated...) And make lewd jokes. (Which I do anyway, but usually not around anyone older than thirty.) Such as the fact Liz's dad was 'liquoring me up.' (Direct quote, as made by minorly buzzed lightweight.) And then talking about how my dad's part Native American and is pretty much hairless (no, he doesn't shave his legs, but it sure looks like it, according to Liz Higginbottom. I forget how the conversation brought that about, but I'm pretty sure it made sense at the time) and Liz's dad promised to check should he ever meet my dad. To which I complain that first he liquors me up,only to leave me for my father. (Why yes, I am ridiculous. Why did you forget?) Further embarrassments should probably be checked with Liz, since my memory's never been the greatest and the tequila on a completely empty stomach didn't help. (And the next time I head over, I want to try *two* shots and see what happens.)
(Do you suppose I have enough asides or should I add some more in?)
Liz says I'm obsessed with spandex. I bring it up every time she brings up comic books and superheroes. Well it seems important to me. Nothing says hero like a wedgie that you just can't seem to get rid of. She gets defensive and talks about how the original comic book artists were lazy and didn't want to draw fabric lines and the trend just continued from there. I'd like to point out that comic books would be a lot more popular with girls if the heroes didn't dress in spandex and flashy gay colors. (Why yes, that is a double entendre. Haven't you noticed the 'older hero and young ward' thing? Batman's first Robin was an acrobat. An *acrobat*. I shouldn't need to explain.)
Plus they need to have strong female characters. This does not include Wonder Woman and her bathing suit and her BDSM weaknesses. (Tie her up and she loses her powers? Creepy. Very creepy. Let's not even get started about the original writer's mistress.) The usual female character in comic books is girlfriend who will eventually end up dead or becoming a minion for the bad guys or actually *is* the bad guy. (The hero must have angst! The reader must have eye-candy! Just combine the two, obviously.)
Another annoying thing is the alter egos. Look at them. Batman's is a billionaire playboy. Superman is a dorky journalist. Spiderman's a dorky photographer with a penchant for science. The first is wish fulfillment (as if the superhero persona isn't enough of one), the other two are 'everyman.' Just think, if a spider bit that comic book dork over there in the corner, he could become the next Spiderman. (He'd probably look worse in Spandex, though...)
Actually what really ticks me off is the way Superman's hairstyle changes and somehow that makes it so that no one notices that he and Clark Kent look *exactly* alike and are *never* in the same place as once, even though Lois Lane is frequently found in either of their's company. At least Spiderman's costume covers his entire head. Superman just hopes you'll be blinded by his lack of fashion sense and his sparkling white teeth and thus don't notice that he looks like some journalist at the Daily Planet, except without the hornrimmed glasses. (Funny, I still look like me with no glasses, a different hairstyle, and fashion-less clothes on. You suppose the spandex is used as a distractant as well?)
And combining this with my annoyance with comic book portrayal of women and the 'everyman'ness of Clark Kent, you notice how Lois is all over Superman and won't give Kent the time of day? Way to burst the dorks' bubbles, you heartless bastards. Now they'll be thinking that, should they ever get superpowers, they still won't be able to get the girl because she's madly in love with their alter ego and still won't give the dork the time of day. Oooh, look, now we get reader-angst!
What do you suppose exanimate means? And I'm not even going to go into all the dirty minded things that come to mind with the 'energetic' mood star. Bouncing stars do not look right and are likely outlawed in Kansas.