The 76 Things Fakir is No Longer Allowed to Do at Kinkan Academy.

[elfgrove]

Reposting privately to my LJ for read-abilty of the additional rules.
Original Post
Credit for the idea belongs to serraduchi.

Anyway, if you've ever read "The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army", this is along the same lines. Only with Fakir. And Kinkan Academy. And stuff.

So without further rambling from my diseased self, here's "The 30 Things Fakir is No Longer Allowed to Do at Kinkan Academy."

1. Not allowed to violently shake any other student.
2. Not allowed to grab any other student.
3. Not allowed to touch any other student except during supervised dance practices.
4. No, especially not Mytho.
5. Not allowed to lock Mytho in any of the following places: bathroom, bedroom, janitor's closet, library storage room, Mr. Cat's office, girls' dormitory, dungeon, or crypt.
6. "Because he had an opinion" is not a reason to punish someone.
7. Not allowed to use the Lohengrin Sword to settle verbal disputes.
8. Odette did not "have it coming," and that was a horrible thing to write about Swan Lake.
9. Ahiru's hair is not a toy.
10. Nor is Ahiru's hair a leash.
11. Nor is it a handle.
12. I must not challenge people to duels while drunk.
13. I must not drink alcoholic beverages.
14. If I'm going to bitchslap people, I should be prepared to receive the same.
15. Must not call Rue a skank anymore.
16. Once was okay, but throwing water at Autor on three separate occasions goes beyond the definition of "turnabout."
17. The crows will not eat me.
18. "The pen is mightier than the sword" is purely metaphorical, and I should not test this.
19. I must not assume ownership of any other person.
20. Calling Princess Kraehe "a mangy, carrion-feeding, half-molted crow" is probably a bad idea.
21. Must not tell Ahiru's blonde, pigtailed friend anything negative about my mood, situation, or state of mind.
22. I do not have to fight for Mytho's honor.
23. The answer to "Fakir, I'm bleeding" is not "Live with it."
24. When Mr. Cat asks me if I would like to demonstrate a grand jete for the class, I am not allowed to reply "No," even if it's true.
25. Not allowed to tell Autor that if he likes The Prince and the Raven so much, he must call me Lohengrin.
26. Not allowed to demand that Autor call me anything but my given name, including the word "Master."
27. I am no longer allowed to sleep in the library for three nights in a row.
28. No "paper mill" jokes around the Oak Tree of Wisdom.
29. When dancing the pas de deux from Giselle, I must not drop my partner and say, "It looks like she's alive after all!"
30. There is no such thing as a living nutcracker, and I must not tell Ahiru otherwise.
31. I must not threaten girls for looking in Mytho's general direction.
32. Even if I am a knight, murder is still illegal, and I should not threaten people with it.
33. Even if I really do mean it.
34. Not allowed to force the town to skip Autumn and Winter just because it's too dangerous for Ahiru to migrate.
35. Not even is she is "that bad" at being a duck.
36. Not allowed to use "Drosselmeyer forced me to" as an excuse, even if it's true.
37. Not allowed to bring "live steel" into class as a ballet prop.
38. Must not call Drosselmeyer "sado-masochistic old bastard". (He's your grandpa, and not above teaching you respect by sticking you in a story again.)
39. Not allowed to run down the streets yelling "You're all being controlled by a story!" It takes forever to calm down the old men in the "Neighborhood Watch".
40. Not allowed to throw your dorm-mate out a window, even if they can land just fine.
41. I am not authorized to teach the younger ballet students.
42. I am no longer allowed to provide musical instruments to children.
43. May not test story ideas out on my classmates.
44. Even if it is Femio.
45. Not my teachers either.
46. May not reserve front-row seats at the ballet recitals for water fowl.
47. May not perform a pas de deux with a duck for class exams, regardless of my relationship with said duck.
48. Or at stage recitals.
49. Must not start any story with "Once upon a time, there was a man who died...".
50. May not challenge anyone teachers or upperclassmen to the "field of honor".
51. No longer allowed to perform ancient rites on magical swords in the main square. (Cleaning the blood out of that fountain took weeks.)
52. May not trade your new roommate out for a bird.
53. My teacher is not an animal, and I should stop implying that he once was one.
54. I am not to threaten Lillie for "putting weird ideas in Ahiru's head". It just can't be helped.
55. May no longer create Frankenstein-esque children out of wood.
56. Or any other material.
57. I am not to point out that most of my classmates will never make it as ballerinas.
58. Talking to Ahiru's friends will only result in pain, hers or mine.
59. Talking to Ahiru in front of her friends will only result in pain, hers or mine.
60. Not allowed to write stories causing woe to befall the Neighborhood Watch, as that will only make them more determined to stalk me with intent to harm.
61. Not allowed to threaten any potential suitors of Ahiru's with a sword.
62. Even if it is Femio.
63. Not allowed to compare Ahiru to an alligator.
64. Or a cow.
65. Not allowed to give Ahiru's friends false gossip.
66. Not allowed to ride my horse into a church.
67. Not allowed to enter a building by jumping through a window in non-emergency situations.
68. Not allowed to use broken glass from (emergency) window entrance as a weapon, even in emergency situations.
69. Not allowed to be borderline violent with my partner in an unwanted pas de deux.
70. Not allowed to tear any pages out of any book Autor is reading.
71. Not allowed to destroy clocks of any size because "I don't like the gears."
72. Not allowed to write departures from Kinkan for annoying acquaintances.
73. Especially not Ahiru's annoying friends.
74. Not even Femio.
75. "Moron" is only a term of endearment from my perspective. Others may disagree. Violently.
76. Not allowed to hide Mytho's pants as punishment. He won't care, anyway.

The contents of this list is the work of:
serraduchi, lycorne, corinn, and sic_semper_trex