Better to burn out than Fade Away.
When I woke up this morning (oh, such a blues-cliché.. ^^) I was scared to death. I saw a very creepy dream: Some doctor told me I was going to die next Wednesday cause of this odd disease. I was shocked and I couldn't understand a word. Then he called me again and said that he had made a mistake and I was gonna die on next TUESDAY. I'm not quite sure what happened next but in some point I told the news to my mum and I was crying like crazy. I fell into small pieces. And then I started to think what next. I knew I should wrote some kind of testament in some point (and my biggest problem was to who I'd give my Ducks and CD's..) but really I was thinking of what I wanted to do. My first idea was that cuz I was dying I wouldn't need the money I had saved so I could easily buy a ticket to Australia so the last thing I'd see is a big fat kangaroo. But then.. I also wanted to spend the last days with my friends.. There was so much things I hadn't done.. So many places I wanted to see, so many persons to meet.. I was really fucked up. What would ya do if someone would tell ya you had only six days to live?
And that's the question I'm struggling with. The dream felt so real. What if, what if.. I've wasted so many days of my life to nonsense.. Like typing these entries.. Do they really matter? I could be somewhere else right now, I.. My dream really scared the hell out of me and.. ARGH. What IF? If I'll die tomorrow will I be satisfied? No, I won't.
I think that dream got it's inspiration from the document I saw last night. I watched a document about "Nevermind" and Nirvana. It was a great document though it's impossible to tell hardly anything 'bout that band in one hour. Nirvana has ment much to me since I first time saw the Unplugged-gig on TV. I cannot really tell you how I feel about those guys and their music without sounding corny and fake. There lives a small grunger in me nowadays (though I really really hate typecasting). I remember when I saw the first time him on TV and.. It was stunning. The way he used his voice, the pain and loneliness, the shadow of death.. If I had a chance to move back in time I'd like to feel the real Seattle Sound. The early 90's is written into music history with letters size of a cat. Melvins, Mudhoneys, Meatpuppets, Soundgarden.. Alice in Chains.. and of course Nirvana, the greatest of all. Like.. listen to "Something in the Way", the whispers of Kurt, or "Where did you sleep last night", the pure energy which is pouring through the song.. I'm really sad cuz I was so small when Nirvana was rockin' the world.
I made some sketches today. Of Kurt. The document gave me a lot of inspiration and ideas. Kurt had so incredible eyes. I remember this one pic I saw.. It's bit blurry, he's staring straight to you.. And you can see the disdain in them, the disdain for us, for his fans.. Or the legendary last pic of him, with cajal; there's real Kurt, the tired and kinda sad rocker who doesn't give a shit for what's going on.
Uh, better stop this yabbering right now, I'm just getting sad. Cobain makes me always thinking of The Important Things. I don't know why. Argh, I feel so bloody lost right now..I hate dreams. *just stares her "cuddle whore"*
*wakes up* Yay, I'm watching Live8 right now. Green Day had an awesome gig. I couldn't see the concert from the start and I hope I haven't missed anything important. It was great to see Stereophonics and I'm dying to see Audioslave, The Killers AND Josh*guh*Groban. Snowpatrol, Great Big See (whee, "Stumbling in" with Merry and Pippin.. I love fan-made musicvids ^^), Keane and Annie Lennox are also worth of seeing, I think. I was pretty pissed of cuz I wasn't able to go to see Audioslave when it was in Finland. There's just a few "The Voices" on the music field and surely Chris Cornell owns one. *waves*
I'm very excited cuz of the concert but I think it doesn't have a big influence on the Mighty People in the summit. Music is a peaceful way to try to affect on things and as we've seen, peaceful ways don't usually work. Fear changes things. Fear. :(
Back to the world of selfish Miss Indeed. I bought a new shirt and a new purse today. The shirt was obviously made cheeply in some developing country. Ha. The circle of Life. *eyes rolling*
And that's the question I'm struggling with. The dream felt so real. What if, what if.. I've wasted so many days of my life to nonsense.. Like typing these entries.. Do they really matter? I could be somewhere else right now, I.. My dream really scared the hell out of me and.. ARGH. What IF? If I'll die tomorrow will I be satisfied? No, I won't.
I think that dream got it's inspiration from the document I saw last night. I watched a document about "Nevermind" and Nirvana. It was a great document though it's impossible to tell hardly anything 'bout that band in one hour. Nirvana has ment much to me since I first time saw the Unplugged-gig on TV. I cannot really tell you how I feel about those guys and their music without sounding corny and fake. There lives a small grunger in me nowadays (though I really really hate typecasting). I remember when I saw the first time him on TV and.. It was stunning. The way he used his voice, the pain and loneliness, the shadow of death.. If I had a chance to move back in time I'd like to feel the real Seattle Sound. The early 90's is written into music history with letters size of a cat. Melvins, Mudhoneys, Meatpuppets, Soundgarden.. Alice in Chains.. and of course Nirvana, the greatest of all. Like.. listen to "Something in the Way", the whispers of Kurt, or "Where did you sleep last night", the pure energy which is pouring through the song.. I'm really sad cuz I was so small when Nirvana was rockin' the world.
I made some sketches today. Of Kurt. The document gave me a lot of inspiration and ideas. Kurt had so incredible eyes. I remember this one pic I saw.. It's bit blurry, he's staring straight to you.. And you can see the disdain in them, the disdain for us, for his fans.. Or the legendary last pic of him, with cajal; there's real Kurt, the tired and kinda sad rocker who doesn't give a shit for what's going on.
Uh, better stop this yabbering right now, I'm just getting sad. Cobain makes me always thinking of The Important Things. I don't know why. Argh, I feel so bloody lost right now..I hate dreams. *just stares her "cuddle whore"*
*wakes up* Yay, I'm watching Live8 right now. Green Day had an awesome gig. I couldn't see the concert from the start and I hope I haven't missed anything important. It was great to see Stereophonics and I'm dying to see Audioslave, The Killers AND Josh*guh*Groban. Snowpatrol, Great Big See (whee, "Stumbling in" with Merry and Pippin.. I love fan-made musicvids ^^), Keane and Annie Lennox are also worth of seeing, I think. I was pretty pissed of cuz I wasn't able to go to see Audioslave when it was in Finland. There's just a few "The Voices" on the music field and surely Chris Cornell owns one. *waves*
I'm very excited cuz of the concert but I think it doesn't have a big influence on the Mighty People in the summit. Music is a peaceful way to try to affect on things and as we've seen, peaceful ways don't usually work. Fear changes things. Fear. :(
Back to the world of selfish Miss Indeed. I bought a new shirt and a new purse today. The shirt was obviously made cheeply in some developing country. Ha. The circle of Life. *eyes rolling*