geekboy magnet babe
Ok, i have several things to talk about.
1.) becoming a geek babe.
2.) parents suck
3.) art
4.) small children
5.) job hunt
ok. somewhere along the line, within the last couple weeks/months, i became, without realizing it, a geekboy's wet dream.
don't ask me how, or why, or when, because i haven't got a clue. all i know is that one boy is going on very long walks with me after class and wants to get together to do random art stuff over the summer, and one boy is lending me anime dvds after meeting me in person once, (ok, there was long things on aim, but still) and one boy wants my email address after meeting me at a con for....20 minutes? we went to dinner with our aunts and uncles, who happen to be friends. his aunt says he's "interested"--in *that* tone.
maybe i'm being silly. maybe i'm looking way to far into things. but i'm kinda going...huh? what? wait, when did this happen? it used to be that most boys took one look at me and ran screaming. of course, these were normal-ish boys, but there was definately more than one geek who exhibited the same behaviour. i'm not used to this. my view of myself is that i make a decent friend and i'm interesting to hang out with, but dating material i have never been. (well, ok, there have definately been more than one bi or gay girl who's be interested. girls, while cute, are definately boring in my mind). this is just...wierd. weeeiiirrrrd. the last two boys i expressed any interest in backed away with crosses and garlic pointed in my direction. maybe i just need to keep chanting the arwen mantra: aloof, unavailable ice princess. yeah. hard to get works.
my mother and i got into a fight over the phone on friday. i misscommunicated, she miscommunicated, it was one big nasty mess. she asked me whether or ont i wante to be in college or not, was i happy, maybe i should just be taking adult ed classes, why didn't i have a job, all the good stuff. frankly, i don't think my mother, who was the one who told me all kinds of stories about how i needed to go to college to be successful, should be calling into question my going to college now. for christs sake, what the hell else would i do? i don't have anything near enough to get my own apartment, and i will start street walking before i go back to living at home for any length of time. i love my parents. they don't get it. mom said that my dad is "getting nervous" because he doesn't know whats going on with me. i'm sitting there going, i have not talked to my father in over a month. he's been on the phone twice, and we've spoken maybe ten words in a conversation. i've talked to mom, and maybe he's been on the line, but i wouldn't know, because he doesn't say anything. furthermore, i am not responsible for him not getting the information he wants becauce he doesn't ask for it. i'm not psychic. i don't know what he wants to hear about. i am more than willing to shoot the breeze. i usually talk about whatever is annoying me the most when asked about my classes, because its what sticks in my mind. but if you want to know, ask goddammit. don't bitch to mom who bitches to me.
i've been working on art projects lately. i'm getting more and more into the art thing, and more into the writing thing. i'm trying to get better at it, and do better at it. i'm trying to put together some things that i might be able to sell at convention art shows. or anywhere else. my latest project involves chain with origami as weights. i was going to have a sculpture of a woman trying to escape from it, but i'm having trouble making a human shape out out the clay, and i don't have time (or the know-how) to cast it. but it should come out well. i'm working with wood more (power tools...*drool*) and i really like it.
some friends of my aunt and uncle have a almost-toddler named Trip (ok, its edward, but trip is just cuter) he's cute as the dickens, and is beginning to leaen to talk. the last two times i've been to see him, i've made the mouth-pop noise at him. he loves it. it makes him giggle. and then i can look at him suddenly after looking somewhere else and it makes him giggle. he's trying to learn how to make the pop noise. its so cute.
jobs are hard for me to find. even when i have prospects i get intimidated and don't want to apply. i wish i knew what was up with me. its like theres a mental block on it. i'm not really enthused about getting a job, but i know i need to, and so when i see something i might be interested in i try to get myself psyched up for it but then it just dies. i'm really confused and conflicted, and i feel really guilty. i hate being so shy about it. i hate being so shy in general. i don't do real well around people i don't know.
1.) becoming a geek babe.
2.) parents suck
3.) art
4.) small children
5.) job hunt
ok. somewhere along the line, within the last couple weeks/months, i became, without realizing it, a geekboy's wet dream.
don't ask me how, or why, or when, because i haven't got a clue. all i know is that one boy is going on very long walks with me after class and wants to get together to do random art stuff over the summer, and one boy is lending me anime dvds after meeting me in person once, (ok, there was long things on aim, but still) and one boy wants my email address after meeting me at a con for....20 minutes? we went to dinner with our aunts and uncles, who happen to be friends. his aunt says he's "interested"--in *that* tone.
maybe i'm being silly. maybe i'm looking way to far into things. but i'm kinda going...huh? what? wait, when did this happen? it used to be that most boys took one look at me and ran screaming. of course, these were normal-ish boys, but there was definately more than one geek who exhibited the same behaviour. i'm not used to this. my view of myself is that i make a decent friend and i'm interesting to hang out with, but dating material i have never been. (well, ok, there have definately been more than one bi or gay girl who's be interested. girls, while cute, are definately boring in my mind). this is just...wierd. weeeiiirrrrd. the last two boys i expressed any interest in backed away with crosses and garlic pointed in my direction. maybe i just need to keep chanting the arwen mantra: aloof, unavailable ice princess. yeah. hard to get works.
my mother and i got into a fight over the phone on friday. i misscommunicated, she miscommunicated, it was one big nasty mess. she asked me whether or ont i wante to be in college or not, was i happy, maybe i should just be taking adult ed classes, why didn't i have a job, all the good stuff. frankly, i don't think my mother, who was the one who told me all kinds of stories about how i needed to go to college to be successful, should be calling into question my going to college now. for christs sake, what the hell else would i do? i don't have anything near enough to get my own apartment, and i will start street walking before i go back to living at home for any length of time. i love my parents. they don't get it. mom said that my dad is "getting nervous" because he doesn't know whats going on with me. i'm sitting there going, i have not talked to my father in over a month. he's been on the phone twice, and we've spoken maybe ten words in a conversation. i've talked to mom, and maybe he's been on the line, but i wouldn't know, because he doesn't say anything. furthermore, i am not responsible for him not getting the information he wants becauce he doesn't ask for it. i'm not psychic. i don't know what he wants to hear about. i am more than willing to shoot the breeze. i usually talk about whatever is annoying me the most when asked about my classes, because its what sticks in my mind. but if you want to know, ask goddammit. don't bitch to mom who bitches to me.
i've been working on art projects lately. i'm getting more and more into the art thing, and more into the writing thing. i'm trying to get better at it, and do better at it. i'm trying to put together some things that i might be able to sell at convention art shows. or anywhere else. my latest project involves chain with origami as weights. i was going to have a sculpture of a woman trying to escape from it, but i'm having trouble making a human shape out out the clay, and i don't have time (or the know-how) to cast it. but it should come out well. i'm working with wood more (power tools...*drool*) and i really like it.
some friends of my aunt and uncle have a almost-toddler named Trip (ok, its edward, but trip is just cuter) he's cute as the dickens, and is beginning to leaen to talk. the last two times i've been to see him, i've made the mouth-pop noise at him. he loves it. it makes him giggle. and then i can look at him suddenly after looking somewhere else and it makes him giggle. he's trying to learn how to make the pop noise. its so cute.
jobs are hard for me to find. even when i have prospects i get intimidated and don't want to apply. i wish i knew what was up with me. its like theres a mental block on it. i'm not really enthused about getting a job, but i know i need to, and so when i see something i might be interested in i try to get myself psyched up for it but then it just dies. i'm really confused and conflicted, and i feel really guilty. i hate being so shy about it. i hate being so shy in general. i don't do real well around people i don't know.