(no subject)

[elf_hobbit_lynz]

my party was tonight, i had a good time and i'll post about it later but right now i just need to vent about seomthing. alright so it was like 10:30 and my stepmom freaked out and said that everyone had to leave. i wouldn't have minded had she spoke to me in a manner in which i didn't feel like i was fucking dirt. so then after everyone left i went up to my father and explained to him that i didn't do anything wrong and not only that but i said it was alright for jackie and stephanie to come downstairs. i just don't understand it. then he screams at me saying "you're never having a fucking brithday party again, it's too stressful on me, i can't stand the bitching from you and stacey, so never again will i throw you a party, ever". Now this is not just any brithday, this is my sweet 16, you think that tstacey might JUST be able to hide the fact that she hates me for like, a day. this was mine and my mothers day and its just ruined. i wish she was here becuase i know everything on this day would've been perfect, she wouldn't have let anything bad happen. stacey doesn't love me, she doesn't even like me. she really doesn't. she can't with the way she treats me. its my BIRTHDAY. i didnt ask for a big sweet 16 at a hall or anything, i just asked for a basement party with about 30 kids, and it only ended up being 20. Nothing was broken and nothing bad happened. I didn't want to drink, even. I didn't do anything wrong except for the fact that people came early and stayed late. It's my one day a fucking year. That's even gone now. I seriously just want to move away from my stepmother and father. Aparently im too stressful for the both of them and im just going to go to college eventually and i won't ever come back. For my 17th birthday i'll probably sit on my computer. I dont know. It just really bothers me that my father knows how much this meant to my mother and i and that all just goes down the fucking toilet. I genuinly wanted to have just a truly happy day and i didn't want to let anyting get in the way of that. that's partially why i let jackie and stephanie come downstairs because i wanted my father to see that im maturing into an adult. he doesn't see that. i just want to get out of this house. I want to talk to my mother. this was our thing, seriously. i dont even know what to do about any of it anymore. i wish that stacey would like me. appreciate me. love me. i want to have a good relationship with her because she's the closest thing to a mother i'll ever have. except when i get married. that will be a major thing when i choose my husband, im going to have to completely love his mother and family because they will become my family. actually, you know what, i'll just make one of my own. i just want to be able to run away with someone and make a family and be happy. i don't know. maybe im just exaggerating my feelings because im upset but i just want this all to end. i don't want stacey to be stressed out all of the time cuz she doesn't want to live with someone that she doesn't like. i know she won't like me, becuase even in death, my mother threatens her. and i remind her of my mother.

wow, this is ridicuously long.

Love,
Lyndsay-Amber