(no subject)
Sarah and Ebony just left to see Serenity with Tex at the Metreon.
Ebony told me earlier that i was invited, and I might like to go..
though I have this damn painting, which Sarah has named "Your Masochistic Painting".
O goodie.
I wish they had outright asked me to go, before they left.
It would have been nice.
I'm currently feeling really down, just because... I wish I wish I was as good as the kids whose paintings are hanging in the gallery windows, and on the walls in the school. I really feel like I suck. I'll never be that good, and I'll never get a job doing what I love. I feel like I'm going to be stuck doing retail, or janitorial work for the rest of my life. Wouldn't that make Papou proud? Changed the family name so we wouldn't have to be janitors, and I'd get a job on a cleaning crew even with the new last name of Spencer.
that reminds me.
A night ago I had a dream that I was going somewhere- I think I was in an airport- and a big white man (hawaiian print shirt, shorts, wife and kids) bumped into me. I apologized, and he starts reeming me out for being a Damn Greek. I was baffled. on the dreamscape level
"Why does he hate me?"
on the logical level: "wait I'm only 1/4 Greek. Does it show that much? I thought the whole issue with Greeks was decades dead..?!"
I was confused, and woke up befuddled.
anyhoo...
I am letting my gouache dry on the bard's ass (the shadow was a warm blue, and it needed to be a cool blue, and then it just stood out more, so I had to do a wash of purple over everything to combat the blue (her pants are purpley)... Argh.
Then there's the fact that Sorcerer man looks like a fucktard, but that's only because I've only painted him thus far and not his environment, too. Once that's in, then he will look far less stupid by comparison.
I am also putting off actually painting.
But I am glad I recorded my dream... I was meaning to do that.
Will I ever be good at art?
Ebony told me earlier that i was invited, and I might like to go..
though I have this damn painting, which Sarah has named "Your Masochistic Painting".
O goodie.
I wish they had outright asked me to go, before they left.
It would have been nice.
I'm currently feeling really down, just because... I wish I wish I was as good as the kids whose paintings are hanging in the gallery windows, and on the walls in the school. I really feel like I suck. I'll never be that good, and I'll never get a job doing what I love. I feel like I'm going to be stuck doing retail, or janitorial work for the rest of my life. Wouldn't that make Papou proud? Changed the family name so we wouldn't have to be janitors, and I'd get a job on a cleaning crew even with the new last name of Spencer.
that reminds me.
A night ago I had a dream that I was going somewhere- I think I was in an airport- and a big white man (hawaiian print shirt, shorts, wife and kids) bumped into me. I apologized, and he starts reeming me out for being a Damn Greek. I was baffled. on the dreamscape level
"Why does he hate me?"
on the logical level: "wait I'm only 1/4 Greek. Does it show that much? I thought the whole issue with Greeks was decades dead..?!"
I was confused, and woke up befuddled.
anyhoo...
I am letting my gouache dry on the bard's ass (the shadow was a warm blue, and it needed to be a cool blue, and then it just stood out more, so I had to do a wash of purple over everything to combat the blue (her pants are purpley)... Argh.
Then there's the fact that Sorcerer man looks like a fucktard, but that's only because I've only painted him thus far and not his environment, too. Once that's in, then he will look far less stupid by comparison.
I am also putting off actually painting.
But I am glad I recorded my dream... I was meaning to do that.
Will I ever be good at art?