You know what I'm sick of? Bullshit. I'm surrouned by it everywhere I go, every single day. And I'm tired of it. Tired of listening to it, tired of living with it, tired of putting up with it
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Let's see what we can figure outliztermintJune 7 2006, 06:24:12 UTC
True, there is no black and white here, is there? This stuff might be out of order, but ah well...
I don't like doing my daycare early, but there are nights when I would like to finish early and come home. I generally decide against it in order to avoid that glare and that "oh, you're home". I don't feel welcome or allowed to come back earlier than when you've gone to bed.
The majority of the dishes were already done days before I even did any today. I just hadn't put them away. There were maybe 5 items of yours in the dirty pile today. Point taken, I will stop using your dishes and I will clean yours first. <-- In writing for the world to see. I didn't think it was a problem to use them at this point if I was washing them anyway. If you need a dish or two specifically done, let me know, otherwise I will still wait for a few of yours before I do them. In response, could you bring your dishes to the kitchen to be cleaned or throw out your food garbage within a day or two? I don't get to my Tim Hortons' bags and stuff right away and I forget them in places so I don't expect they'll be in the garbage right away. I'm doing cardboard recycling tomorrow since there's a suitable amount to take down the street now.
I made no mention today of anything because I thought I was staying out of your way when you got home so you could have some pseudo alone time. I had a brain fart when you asked me about the phone call to Brenda. I just knew everything had been taken care of so I didn't say anything else and you had to ask. Lately you've been swearing a great deal about various problems and throwing things when you're angry so I've been trying to block it out with music or whatnot. I don't want to be in the same area of the house at those times.
In the case of the sweeping, I do sweep. I just don't use your swiffer wet jet. The floor doesn't stay clean for very long with us tracking in grass every time we turn around.
In the case of stuff on the weekends, it didn't seem like you were bothered by my company. We've done laundry together, gone out to DQ and Wendy's etc... We've been doing Walmart trips together and you've been suggesting we go together. Last Saturday I was out for half the day helping Cori to move before we watched X-men so I'm not always home on Saturday. My friends aren't always available to visit or be visited either. They have their own cliques that I'm not really part of so they've got plans long before I can figure out anything with them. I can hang out with Cori once in a while, but a lot of my friends are people who come and go with the Brock University season, live out of town or are online. The larger size of the townhouse should have allieviated this problem of alone time, considering there are two "hang out" areas, but I guess this isn't the case.
I don't know whether I should feel sorry about not writing the note. I just didn't write it. I contemplated doing some groceries and just did laundry instead. Then you came back while I was unloading stuff. Then I went off to grab supper somewhere and do daycare stuff.
*huge sigh* I love you too and I want to help you out. I just don't want to inconvenience myself too much either. I just seem to inconvenience myself anyway with the late start and late end to my day. I want to do things later in the afternoon, evening or at night, but stuff isn't open... and it's dark. And stuff at home would wake you up at night. O.o
Re: Let's see what we can figure outelf_childJune 7 2006, 21:18:55 UTC
Okay, I'm wide awake, in a glorious mood, and am now ready to respond and deal.
It's not that your not allowed to come back before I've retired for the night, it's just that you've always done your day care late (or at least more often than not have waited until late) and you're coming home early without me knowing that's what you want to do throws me off. If I know when you're coming home, I don't care. It's the unexpected that gets my dander up because I figure 'Oh, I'll just relax and listen to tunes' then the door opens and my time is unexpectedly cut short.
Also, I don't care whether or not you use my dishes since you are the one washing them, the point I was trying to make is that my paying you to do them doesn't cover the ones you dirty yourself. If you dirty my dishes, that means you should be washing them for nothing, not taking that out of my payment for the job. If you want to use them, go ahead, just make sure they're clean for me to use if I need them. Especially my pots and pans. Utensils and dishes I don't care (bowls I like using, though, for cereal and such when I get in those obsessive moods). Just that if you dirty something, I want it to be cleaned without pay, because it's no longer my mess you're cleaning.
By the way, putting things down hard does not constitute as throwing. If I threw something, it would be broken. My temper hasn't been that bad since I left Steve. And if I were throwing things as often as all that, we wouldn't have anything left in the house to break.
On weekends I prefer to be alone, but if it's becoming obvious to me that you have no intention of going anywhere, then I might as well just invite you with me so I can get stuff done while enjoying myself. I know that sounds cold, but it's the truth. I do like your company, but when I'm constantly around people then even the ones I love most become an annoyance for me. I just want to be alone, to sit on my arse, and do my own thing without anyone around. Having more space doesn't solve it. I'm a creature of solitude. Totally, utterly. One being upstairs and one being downstairs still means that at any given time that space can be invaded because we both live here and both have the right to run about the house from bathroom to kitchen. So if I'm not totally alone, I still feel trapped in a cage because I can't completely relax without worrying someone will see me. I know it sounds weird, but it's me.
As for livejournal, you could always just overlook my posts completely and ask me if it's something you'd want to read (ie. just some silly random story) or if it's something we should talk about. Besides, you have your deadjournal to use for your private ranting. All I have is this. And all out in your face venting, which doesn't do either of us any good.
I don't like doing my daycare early, but there are nights when I would like to finish early and come home. I generally decide against it in order to avoid that glare and that "oh, you're home". I don't feel welcome or allowed to come back earlier than when you've gone to bed.
The majority of the dishes were already done days before I even did any today. I just hadn't put them away. There were maybe 5 items of yours in the dirty pile today. Point taken, I will stop using your dishes and I will clean yours first. <-- In writing for the world to see. I didn't think it was a problem to use them at this point if I was washing them anyway. If you need a dish or two specifically done, let me know, otherwise I will still wait for a few of yours before I do them. In response, could you bring your dishes to the kitchen to be cleaned or throw out your food garbage within a day or two? I don't get to my Tim Hortons' bags and stuff right away and I forget them in places so I don't expect they'll be in the garbage right away. I'm doing cardboard recycling tomorrow since there's a suitable amount to take down the street now.
I made no mention today of anything because I thought I was staying out of your way when you got home so you could have some pseudo alone time. I had a brain fart when you asked me about the phone call to Brenda. I just knew everything had been taken care of so I didn't say anything else and you had to ask. Lately you've been swearing a great deal about various problems and throwing things when you're angry so I've been trying to block it out with music or whatnot. I don't want to be in the same area of the house at those times.
In the case of the sweeping, I do sweep. I just don't use your swiffer wet jet. The floor doesn't stay clean for very long with us tracking in grass every time we turn around.
In the case of stuff on the weekends, it didn't seem like you were bothered by my company. We've done laundry together, gone out to DQ and Wendy's etc... We've been doing Walmart trips together and you've been suggesting we go together. Last Saturday I was out for half the day helping Cori to move before we watched X-men so I'm not always home on Saturday. My friends aren't always available to visit or be visited either. They have their own cliques that I'm not really part of so they've got plans long before I can figure out anything with them. I can hang out with Cori once in a while, but a lot of my friends are people who come and go with the Brock University season, live out of town or are online. The larger size of the townhouse should have allieviated this problem of alone time, considering there are two "hang out" areas, but I guess this isn't the case.
I don't know whether I should feel sorry about not writing the note. I just didn't write it. I contemplated doing some groceries and just did laundry instead. Then you came back while I was unloading stuff. Then I went off to grab supper somewhere and do daycare stuff.
*huge sigh* I love you too and I want to help you out. I just don't want to inconvenience myself too much either. I just seem to inconvenience myself anyway with the late start and late end to my day. I want to do things later in the afternoon, evening or at night, but stuff isn't open... and it's dark. And stuff at home would wake you up at night. O.o
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It's not that your not allowed to come back before I've retired for the night, it's just that you've always done your day care late (or at least more often than not have waited until late) and you're coming home early without me knowing that's what you want to do throws me off. If I know when you're coming home, I don't care. It's the unexpected that gets my dander up because I figure 'Oh, I'll just relax and listen to tunes' then the door opens and my time is unexpectedly cut short.
Also, I don't care whether or not you use my dishes since you are the one washing them, the point I was trying to make is that my paying you to do them doesn't cover the ones you dirty yourself. If you dirty my dishes, that means you should be washing them for nothing, not taking that out of my payment for the job. If you want to use them, go ahead, just make sure they're clean for me to use if I need them. Especially my pots and pans. Utensils and dishes I don't care (bowls I like using, though, for cereal and such when I get in those obsessive moods). Just that if you dirty something, I want it to be cleaned without pay, because it's no longer my mess you're cleaning.
By the way, putting things down hard does not constitute as throwing. If I threw something, it would be broken. My temper hasn't been that bad since I left Steve. And if I were throwing things as often as all that, we wouldn't have anything left in the house to break.
On weekends I prefer to be alone, but if it's becoming obvious to me that you have no intention of going anywhere, then I might as well just invite you with me so I can get stuff done while enjoying myself. I know that sounds cold, but it's the truth. I do like your company, but when I'm constantly around people then even the ones I love most become an annoyance for me. I just want to be alone, to sit on my arse, and do my own thing without anyone around. Having more space doesn't solve it. I'm a creature of solitude. Totally, utterly. One being upstairs and one being downstairs still means that at any given time that space can be invaded because we both live here and both have the right to run about the house from bathroom to kitchen. So if I'm not totally alone, I still feel trapped in a cage because I can't completely relax without worrying someone will see me. I know it sounds weird, but it's me.
As for livejournal, you could always just overlook my posts completely and ask me if it's something you'd want to read (ie. just some silly random story) or if it's something we should talk about. Besides, you have your deadjournal to use for your private ranting. All I have is this. And all out in your face venting, which doesn't do either of us any good.
Reply
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