Two entries in a day??
I've never been happier than I am right now at this moment. And from what the rest of the year's starting to look like, I can only see it getting better from here.
I feel like I'm entering a new phase. After years of being so uncomfortable with myself, here I am, completely self-aware and making better decisions. I feel like I'm coming out of a coccoon. I used to live in there, scared of what it would mean if I grew up and emerged into the real world.
I think a lot of this feeling has to do with the closure I finally got. I recently had the opportunity to confront one of the biggest parts of my past, miss it like hell, and then reasonably let it go. Fuck it, I'm done being cryptic. I will always love Ezekiel, but we're such different people now that it's just time to face it.
And admittedly, I'm sure this feeling also has to do with this new thing with Gavin being kind of amazing. And exciting. I mean, holy shit, look at me letting someone in! Who would've thought after everything that's happened, in the last two years especially, that I'd still have any courage left at all to give it a shot. And sure, I get nervous, and scared, and wonder when and how it's all going to come crashing down on me sometimes, but for right now, I'm just letting myself ride through it. The man loves key lime pie and penguins and fucking to stupid movies. He wakes me up with eskimo kisses and goes out for pancakes with me. I mean really, what else could I do but give us a chance?
It just makes me want to make that joke from Family Guy all day. You know, the "These are all nice things." Hahahaa.. My life as a bookcase full of faberge eggs? That sounds about right.
I sincerely wish this feeling, this wonder, and this internal bliss on everyone else. Be okay with yourself! Fuck that, be better than okay with yourself! With or without closure, with or without a relationship, with or without money or closeness or sympathy or anything at all, all I've learned is that if you can't look up at the world around you right now and enjoy it, you're doing something wrong.
"Fucking. Awesome."
I feel like I'm entering a new phase. After years of being so uncomfortable with myself, here I am, completely self-aware and making better decisions. I feel like I'm coming out of a coccoon. I used to live in there, scared of what it would mean if I grew up and emerged into the real world.
I think a lot of this feeling has to do with the closure I finally got. I recently had the opportunity to confront one of the biggest parts of my past, miss it like hell, and then reasonably let it go. Fuck it, I'm done being cryptic. I will always love Ezekiel, but we're such different people now that it's just time to face it.
And admittedly, I'm sure this feeling also has to do with this new thing with Gavin being kind of amazing. And exciting. I mean, holy shit, look at me letting someone in! Who would've thought after everything that's happened, in the last two years especially, that I'd still have any courage left at all to give it a shot. And sure, I get nervous, and scared, and wonder when and how it's all going to come crashing down on me sometimes, but for right now, I'm just letting myself ride through it. The man loves key lime pie and penguins and fucking to stupid movies. He wakes me up with eskimo kisses and goes out for pancakes with me. I mean really, what else could I do but give us a chance?
It just makes me want to make that joke from Family Guy all day. You know, the "These are all nice things." Hahahaa.. My life as a bookcase full of faberge eggs? That sounds about right.
I sincerely wish this feeling, this wonder, and this internal bliss on everyone else. Be okay with yourself! Fuck that, be better than okay with yourself! With or without closure, with or without a relationship, with or without money or closeness or sympathy or anything at all, all I've learned is that if you can't look up at the world around you right now and enjoy it, you're doing something wrong.
"Fucking. Awesome."