Homo she wrote
svmadelyn asked people to come up a fic they really wanted to see, so here's mine.
My favourite thing in the world is re-working cliches, and in SGA there's this cliche about John and/or Rodney only being gay for each other, so I thought it'd be hilarious if instead of John being straight but in love with Rodney anyway, he sleeps with Rodney and then realizes he's been gay all this time and just never noticed.
The first time John slept with Rodney, he thought everyone could tell, like he had "I had sex with Rodney McKay" stamped on his forehead. He must've been walking around with a guilty look on his face, because people kept coming up to him and asking if he'd seen this, or done that, or knew where so-and-so was.
"Where were you last night?" Elizabeth asked him. "That's the first Friday night I haven't seen you playing chess in the mess."
"Definitely not out having sex," John said, then hated himself and his lack of brain-to-mouth filter.
"Oh good," Elizabeth said. "Me too."
After their first time -- as in, immediately after, as in, lying in the bed next to Rodney and feeling sticky and sleepy -- John freaked out for about five seconds, thinking, Oh my God, I can't be gay! Or bi, or whatever! and, Actually, that makes a lot of sense. After the temporary break down, he was perfectly okay with it.
"Oh my God," Rodney said, "I can't believe I'm gay!"
"Oh well," John said, patting the closest thing to his hand. Which happened to be Rodney's very masculine thigh.
Rodney gaped at him. "'Oh well'? 'Oh well'? Doesn't it freak you out, that we-- Oh my God, you've done this before, haven't you? You were totally gay before me! I knew it!"
"No, I told you, you're the first guy I've been with," John said, irriated.
"I am?" Rodney asked, sounding pleased. Then he narrowed his eyes. "I don't believe you."
"What, do you want me to prove it to you?"
Rodney brightened. "You can give me a really horrible blowjob."
It was John's turn to narrow his eyes. "I'm feeling very tired right now."
The second time he slept with Rodney, he accidentally told Teyla about it while they were meditating.
"That is..." She seemed to struggle for the right word.
"Horrible?" he offered.
She gave him a look. "Unsurprising."
"Oh," he said. Then: "Oh. Is that why none of the women on Atlantis will go out with me?"
"You have never asked anyone out," she said, frowning. "You usually spend your time with your men, doing manly things, like firing guns or staying in shape."
His level of self-denial had run pretty deep. When he thought about it now -- like how he'd always liked to watch Rodney's hands, or how he'd never wanted to sleep with any of his female friends, or how when he watched Ronon train the Marines he thought, Mmmm, Ronon -- he couldn't believe himself.
"Can I ask you something personal?" he asked Lorne, catching him after a run.
Lorne blinked. "Okay?"
"Have I ever seemed particularly... gay to you?"
Lorne glanced around nervously. "Uh, sir, um, I don't think I'm allowed to answer that."
"Off the record," John pleaded.
"I think you're a flaming queen," Lorne said.
"Really?" John asked, taken aback. Because first, he was so not, and second: "How come no one's ever said anything?"
Lorne looked a little uncomfortable. "It's not something you notice when you first meet you. It's just-- spending time with you, and-- something sort of clicks into place. Can I go now? Please?"
"Lorne's a homophobe," John told Rodney after their third time.
Rodney covered his face with his hands. "You said something to Lorne? You're going to get gay bashed."
"Nah," John said, slinging a leg over Rodney's hip. "Ronon'll protect me." His mind supplimented: Mmm, Ronon beating up Lorne.
And anyway, basically, they have lots and lots of hot sex, and John finds out basically everybody in Atlantis thinks he's gay anyway (and most of them think he's been sleeping with Rodney for a while now), which includes a lot of gay John jokes, and he's sort of horrified but amused. And then Rodney comes to terms with the fact they're sleeping together, and everyone lives happily ever after.
My favourite thing in the world is re-working cliches, and in SGA there's this cliche about John and/or Rodney only being gay for each other, so I thought it'd be hilarious if instead of John being straight but in love with Rodney anyway, he sleeps with Rodney and then realizes he's been gay all this time and just never noticed.
The first time John slept with Rodney, he thought everyone could tell, like he had "I had sex with Rodney McKay" stamped on his forehead. He must've been walking around with a guilty look on his face, because people kept coming up to him and asking if he'd seen this, or done that, or knew where so-and-so was.
"Where were you last night?" Elizabeth asked him. "That's the first Friday night I haven't seen you playing chess in the mess."
"Definitely not out having sex," John said, then hated himself and his lack of brain-to-mouth filter.
"Oh good," Elizabeth said. "Me too."
After their first time -- as in, immediately after, as in, lying in the bed next to Rodney and feeling sticky and sleepy -- John freaked out for about five seconds, thinking, Oh my God, I can't be gay! Or bi, or whatever! and, Actually, that makes a lot of sense. After the temporary break down, he was perfectly okay with it.
"Oh my God," Rodney said, "I can't believe I'm gay!"
"Oh well," John said, patting the closest thing to his hand. Which happened to be Rodney's very masculine thigh.
Rodney gaped at him. "'Oh well'? 'Oh well'? Doesn't it freak you out, that we-- Oh my God, you've done this before, haven't you? You were totally gay before me! I knew it!"
"No, I told you, you're the first guy I've been with," John said, irriated.
"I am?" Rodney asked, sounding pleased. Then he narrowed his eyes. "I don't believe you."
"What, do you want me to prove it to you?"
Rodney brightened. "You can give me a really horrible blowjob."
It was John's turn to narrow his eyes. "I'm feeling very tired right now."
The second time he slept with Rodney, he accidentally told Teyla about it while they were meditating.
"That is..." She seemed to struggle for the right word.
"Horrible?" he offered.
She gave him a look. "Unsurprising."
"Oh," he said. Then: "Oh. Is that why none of the women on Atlantis will go out with me?"
"You have never asked anyone out," she said, frowning. "You usually spend your time with your men, doing manly things, like firing guns or staying in shape."
His level of self-denial had run pretty deep. When he thought about it now -- like how he'd always liked to watch Rodney's hands, or how he'd never wanted to sleep with any of his female friends, or how when he watched Ronon train the Marines he thought, Mmmm, Ronon -- he couldn't believe himself.
"Can I ask you something personal?" he asked Lorne, catching him after a run.
Lorne blinked. "Okay?"
"Have I ever seemed particularly... gay to you?"
Lorne glanced around nervously. "Uh, sir, um, I don't think I'm allowed to answer that."
"Off the record," John pleaded.
"I think you're a flaming queen," Lorne said.
"Really?" John asked, taken aback. Because first, he was so not, and second: "How come no one's ever said anything?"
Lorne looked a little uncomfortable. "It's not something you notice when you first meet you. It's just-- spending time with you, and-- something sort of clicks into place. Can I go now? Please?"
"Lorne's a homophobe," John told Rodney after their third time.
Rodney covered his face with his hands. "You said something to Lorne? You're going to get gay bashed."
"Nah," John said, slinging a leg over Rodney's hip. "Ronon'll protect me." His mind supplimented: Mmm, Ronon beating up Lorne.
And anyway, basically, they have lots and lots of hot sex, and John finds out basically everybody in Atlantis thinks he's gay anyway (and most of them think he's been sleeping with Rodney for a while now), which includes a lot of gay John jokes, and he's sort of horrified but amused. And then Rodney comes to terms with the fact they're sleeping together, and everyone lives happily ever after.