Just another rant about the same old same old
I am finding that life does not seem to have a 'sparkle' anymore. I am having trouble getting up in the morning..or afternoon. I am having trouble finding a reason to shower, to put makeup on, to get dressed. Im having trouble with even wanting to do anything at all. I guess a doctor would call this depression, but im not sad. I dont really feel anything. What is a lack of feeling? I dont know. Im trying to get a second job, something in the evening. Maybe this will make me feel motivated. My current job is fine, but sometimes there are week lapses where i dont have to work and those are the weeks where i sleep until 4 in the afternoon, and then read all night. Sometimes i dont even get dressed for days. This is not normal, but i just dont have any motivation to do otherwise. I dont really have that many friends, and none that can really do much on the weekdays anyway.
Sometimes i think that i am highly irregular, as far as human beings go. I think about the questions that have no answers far too often. Someone recently told me that this is due to my "depression" that i mentioned above, or vice versa, but im not so sure. Ive always thought about things, more so as i get older. And i dont feel that there is an obvious connection, but maybe there is. So the question is, how do you change who you are? How do you stop thinking and questioning things that have no answers? Maybe my lack of a life is giving me too much free space for these thoughts. And to be honest, i like that i think about things...and its not just the philosophical things that i think of, its everything, anything about anything, my mind races constantly really...my favourite thing to read about and think about lately[and for a few years] is physics. To me, physics kind of goes hand in hand with questioning your own existence.
The reading time lately is good. Ive read The Hobbit and The Time Travelers Wife, and am also reading The Fellowship of the Ring. Ive always loved reading, its really a great escape.
Maybe the reason i think about things so much is because i dont really have someone to talk to about the specific things i think about...and that makes me sad. Maybe im really, really lonely.
Sometimes i think that i am highly irregular, as far as human beings go. I think about the questions that have no answers far too often. Someone recently told me that this is due to my "depression" that i mentioned above, or vice versa, but im not so sure. Ive always thought about things, more so as i get older. And i dont feel that there is an obvious connection, but maybe there is. So the question is, how do you change who you are? How do you stop thinking and questioning things that have no answers? Maybe my lack of a life is giving me too much free space for these thoughts. And to be honest, i like that i think about things...and its not just the philosophical things that i think of, its everything, anything about anything, my mind races constantly really...my favourite thing to read about and think about lately[and for a few years] is physics. To me, physics kind of goes hand in hand with questioning your own existence.
The reading time lately is good. Ive read The Hobbit and The Time Travelers Wife, and am also reading The Fellowship of the Ring. Ive always loved reading, its really a great escape.
Maybe the reason i think about things so much is because i dont really have someone to talk to about the specific things i think about...and that makes me sad. Maybe im really, really lonely.