Its not a belief in dreams. Its not a refusal to accept. Its a refusal to let go.
Its been a long, long time. Was just reading some of my old posts. Very amusing and somewhat depressing. I think im going to make it my goal to write something in this journal every day. Im sure most of the people who read it no longer keep up so it will remain public while still remaining under the radar.
Life is slowly becoming normal again for me. Its weird to have glimpses of memories or feelings that i have totally forgotten about. Heroin made me forget everything about who i was. Ive been off of it for a few years [with a few slip ups the first year]..and i am just now starting to feel like "my self" again..whatever that means.
I am interested to see where my life will go and who will be in it. I am married right now. I got married while i was still using heavily. The person i married knows me just about as well as i know myself..which is to say not very well. Im actually not really interested in romance or close relationships like that at all right now. I just want to gain back some of the time ive lost. [EDIT] The husband is a wonderful person and has helped me in ways that i can never thank him for enough...but its hard to think about being married right now...i dont know does that make sense? Re reading this i realized how bad it sounded...errr..
Im going to be 26 in july..i cant fucking stand it! I wanted to be a little girl forever :[
Bah..anyway, thats just a brief little intro to my soon to come journal[ing] i guess. I wont be writing about the details of my drug use unless it strikes me as particularly relevant...relevant to what? i dont know! I wanna keep it light and happy and good. Im sick of the sorrow and regret.
Oh, and here is a recent photo of me.
Click for big
I look thin in this photo but im actually heavier than i wish to be. Im kinda on a weirdo crash diet right now..kind of making it up as i go along! woot.
oh, and as always excuse my terrible spelling.
Ciao
Life is slowly becoming normal again for me. Its weird to have glimpses of memories or feelings that i have totally forgotten about. Heroin made me forget everything about who i was. Ive been off of it for a few years [with a few slip ups the first year]..and i am just now starting to feel like "my self" again..whatever that means.
I am interested to see where my life will go and who will be in it. I am married right now. I got married while i was still using heavily. The person i married knows me just about as well as i know myself..which is to say not very well. Im actually not really interested in romance or close relationships like that at all right now. I just want to gain back some of the time ive lost. [EDIT] The husband is a wonderful person and has helped me in ways that i can never thank him for enough...but its hard to think about being married right now...i dont know does that make sense? Re reading this i realized how bad it sounded...errr..
Im going to be 26 in july..i cant fucking stand it! I wanted to be a little girl forever :[
Bah..anyway, thats just a brief little intro to my soon to come journal[ing] i guess. I wont be writing about the details of my drug use unless it strikes me as particularly relevant...relevant to what? i dont know! I wanna keep it light and happy and good. Im sick of the sorrow and regret.
Oh, and here is a recent photo of me.
Click for big
I look thin in this photo but im actually heavier than i wish to be. Im kinda on a weirdo crash diet right now..kind of making it up as i go along! woot.
oh, and as always excuse my terrible spelling.
Ciao