Long time no see
If you hesitate between me and another person, don’t choose me.
Wow, it's been completely awhile. I did not realize that I was away for such a long time. It's ironic how we meet again. As I slowly enter my final year of my undergrad. I was in a state of deep pondering, but now that I'm here, I feel like the words just won't come out.
All these years going away, time does really fly. It raises a lot of questions that I have, but who can answer them for me?
Feelings of lost, wandering, restlessness, with little specs of happiness and ambitions are there. It's hard to keep dreaming when reality catches up fast with you.
Just like this place that I've neglected, I, too have neglected a lot of things in my life. It only took me this undergrad time period, but committment issues are real in my life, and ever so more present. My body's coping and defense mechanism against people leaving is doing me more harm currently. Accepting people into my life and trying to keep them in my life is something I'm adjusting, but at times it just doesn't work out too well.
One of the few phrases, that I do not utter too well, but have thought of many times is- can you stay with me, even just for a little but more?
Even all this time, I felt like the times in the past, I was just on autopilot; as the past keeps replaying, the good and bad times. An internal struggle, that was hidden like my demons are currently rising and gaining powers.