well...two years and I'm back
So. Finally a place where I can write solemnly, free from fear of the drama effect. I'd forgotten about you, livejournal, but recent breakthroughs in relationships I've established have led me to the beginning of myself--rather...the beginning of my journey toward "finding myself." Who I am today began here. I began to write here. I decided what I wanted to major in, who I wanted to be, what it meant to be real, and the fact that the baptist church of Keller is about as real as that Louis Vuitton bag I used to adore...all over the small amount of time when I was still writing here. It was never really anything of great importance, but it's a shame I quit anyway. I quit a lot of things at the same time. When I stopped writing it was only because I was learning how to function again first. Enough of that. Moving on.
I'm writing a book. A romance/political novella...a female war activists's romance is drafted into the army to fight for nothing in Vietnam...and, of course, fictional AND non-fictional chaotic tragedy ensues...
.....please don't worry, it's really much better than it sounds...
Anyhow, I'm laying in my twin bed in my dirty cramped dorm room. I can't help but notice the filthy Dallas skyline outside of my wired and barred window... even at night. The walls are off-white, of course, with a "the faint" promotional flyer or a black and white panoramic of Venice here and there. The bottle of wine on my counter next to my new stemware taunts me but I'm already far too high and exhausted from studying for finals to even consider pouring a glass. No thanks.
Let's talk about Will. I met him at orientation for UNT...he was in my orientation group...I tried to talk to him...he blew me off. I went home knowing I'd never see him again. For some strange reason I'm still unaware of, I was devastated all summer after I left orientation. I searched for him everywhere--myspace, facebook...never found him.
now for the happy part.
Four days after I moved into my dorm with Sydney--one of my besties since eighth grade--I was having a "smoke treat" outside and I saw him. I stopped him abruptly and asked if he remembered me and he said yes and immediately apologized for blowing me off. He gave me his number. I just about DIED.
The next day, he came over around 10 pm after class to watch tv and to just shoot the shit (hang out) and stayed until 4 a.m. A week and a half later, we were going out. Every day since has been better than the day before it.
But I still can't let my guard down. Because I know how men work--they've all been the same so far. I'm not expecting any great surprises.
As far as catching up on relationships goes:
1. michael (autoganz)--failed. my fault. i learned.
2. eamon--failed. he turned out gay.
3. james-failed. drug addict.
4. troy-failed. drug addict.
5. michael (latin king)--failed. murderer and part of gang-related activities. nooo thanks.
6. trevor--failed. he cheated. then asked me to marry him. then didn't want me to go to college. eventually i told him to fuck off. he tries to get into my pants to this day.
7. warren--failed. 30 years old and still lives with a friend. he only wanted sex. then i found john.
8. john--failed. too young and finally came out to me about his OTHER girlfriend.
9. will--success until proven otherwise. he's beautifulllllll, dedicated, intellectual...and way out of my league. but we're both out of each other's league in different ways, I suppose. We equal out.
Since I last wrote, I've acquired three tattoos. I'll list them in order along with their individual significances:
1. Michael. Soon after a colossal break up with a california boy, I met one of the dearest people in my life. His name's on my chest over my heart in memory of him--his life and accomplishments. His effect on me. He was hit by a car. That's all I can say.
2. Texas with a heart over DFW. I got this because I was being completely stupid. I mean...I was born and raised here...and I love Texas for its people and its 6th streets...but..........................yeah. I might just get it covered. But so many girls like it. I just think it's a littttle bit stupid. For me.
3. "peace on earth" in hindi. that explains itself, i think. If not, it only means that I'm a tree-hugging hippie (and I'm proud of it.)
I got a car. A honda civic. 3500 dollars initially, but an additional 1000 bucks later it's finally stopped overheating. But it really is beautiful--kind of sportsy. It's an automatic but it feels like it shifts more violently than a standard. Sometimes it won't start. But at least now it'll run.
it's 3 a.m. I've got an archaeology lab final at 11 a.m.
More later.
G'night.
I'm writing a book. A romance/political novella...a female war activists's romance is drafted into the army to fight for nothing in Vietnam...and, of course, fictional AND non-fictional chaotic tragedy ensues...
.....please don't worry, it's really much better than it sounds...
Anyhow, I'm laying in my twin bed in my dirty cramped dorm room. I can't help but notice the filthy Dallas skyline outside of my wired and barred window... even at night. The walls are off-white, of course, with a "the faint" promotional flyer or a black and white panoramic of Venice here and there. The bottle of wine on my counter next to my new stemware taunts me but I'm already far too high and exhausted from studying for finals to even consider pouring a glass. No thanks.
Let's talk about Will. I met him at orientation for UNT...he was in my orientation group...I tried to talk to him...he blew me off. I went home knowing I'd never see him again. For some strange reason I'm still unaware of, I was devastated all summer after I left orientation. I searched for him everywhere--myspace, facebook...never found him.
now for the happy part.
Four days after I moved into my dorm with Sydney--one of my besties since eighth grade--I was having a "smoke treat" outside and I saw him. I stopped him abruptly and asked if he remembered me and he said yes and immediately apologized for blowing me off. He gave me his number. I just about DIED.
The next day, he came over around 10 pm after class to watch tv and to just shoot the shit (hang out) and stayed until 4 a.m. A week and a half later, we were going out. Every day since has been better than the day before it.
But I still can't let my guard down. Because I know how men work--they've all been the same so far. I'm not expecting any great surprises.
As far as catching up on relationships goes:
1. michael (autoganz)--failed. my fault. i learned.
2. eamon--failed. he turned out gay.
3. james-failed. drug addict.
4. troy-failed. drug addict.
5. michael (latin king)--failed. murderer and part of gang-related activities. nooo thanks.
6. trevor--failed. he cheated. then asked me to marry him. then didn't want me to go to college. eventually i told him to fuck off. he tries to get into my pants to this day.
7. warren--failed. 30 years old and still lives with a friend. he only wanted sex. then i found john.
8. john--failed. too young and finally came out to me about his OTHER girlfriend.
9. will--success until proven otherwise. he's beautifulllllll, dedicated, intellectual...and way out of my league. but we're both out of each other's league in different ways, I suppose. We equal out.
Since I last wrote, I've acquired three tattoos. I'll list them in order along with their individual significances:
1. Michael. Soon after a colossal break up with a california boy, I met one of the dearest people in my life. His name's on my chest over my heart in memory of him--his life and accomplishments. His effect on me. He was hit by a car. That's all I can say.
2. Texas with a heart over DFW. I got this because I was being completely stupid. I mean...I was born and raised here...and I love Texas for its people and its 6th streets...but..........................yeah. I might just get it covered. But so many girls like it. I just think it's a littttle bit stupid. For me.
3. "peace on earth" in hindi. that explains itself, i think. If not, it only means that I'm a tree-hugging hippie (and I'm proud of it.)
I got a car. A honda civic. 3500 dollars initially, but an additional 1000 bucks later it's finally stopped overheating. But it really is beautiful--kind of sportsy. It's an automatic but it feels like it shifts more violently than a standard. Sometimes it won't start. But at least now it'll run.
it's 3 a.m. I've got an archaeology lab final at 11 a.m.
More later.
G'night.