I don't think I lost anything yesterday
Except perhaps a measure of self-confidence.
The morning/afternoon was spectacular - I got to chat a bit with Strudle about France, went to the studio, threw a dozen mugs (all of which coordinate, a few of which actually match! *)
and got complimented on this glaze:
by my professor - I love how it looks like some sort of nuclear waste (which is weird, I know, but how would you describe that color?)
And then dancing. This is my happy place, right? And it was, kind of, but so much harder to keep my balance than it usually is. I took a full car up - Sirkka and Frank and Naomi and Ashley - and we stopped for gelato - cinnamon & dark chocolate, yummy. Sloan had brought up Ellis and Robert, Dave had come up with a couple of his friends as well.
Julian (pretty much the oldest guy at lab; I'd guess in his 60s? First person who ever asked me to dance - he's a sweetheart with impeccable footwork) decided to bring the snappy glow bracelets for everyone who came, and Alex gave me his the first time we got to dance together, so that I would be extra bright, or some such. (:D)
And I don't know. Nothing really went wrong. Aside from me having poorer aim than usual and throwing Ashley into a wall (she forgave me, but still)
Neither Dave nor I was walking on eggshells around the other. But I was roped into assumed asked if I would give Dave's friends a lindy crash course - they had already made the blues lesson. But they didn't really want a crash course, and I just got the vibe that they didn't even really want to be dancing. Which just made it... frustrating. Because newbies that I adopt do end up dancing - I see to that. But they didn't seem to see that as a good thing. (Also ended up being vaguely awkward because I recognized at least one of them from EHS - but it was the 'I have never exchanged 2 words with you' recognition, which just made it odd.)
I just felt that I was wound just about as tight as I get, which means that I'm painfully polite and not really all that chatty. And I'm not a huge fan of the person I become when I'm wound this tight. So, yeah, Sloan may have been right to preface my 'forcing' Dave's friends to dance with people with "you already know she's kind of bossy and annoying, right?" but it still rankled. And I knew that I probably should not have gone up to Ashley and Sloan and tipped them off when Dave was attempting to be a matchmaker (despite the fact that they would make an adorable couple, neither of them are interested in the other in that way - it's a "I am never attracted to straight guys" mentality, in Ashley's case, which is very silly) but I did, because bone-tired = Allison not-stopping herself from saying whatever's on her mind. And that just created awkward for them.
And I just don't feel like I handled it (meaning: navigating the whole ex, crush, friends field) well. And I'm still not back in my happy-equilibrium state.
I also don't know how much of this was the result of lack of sleep Sun night, because it always hits me the day after. (Or the fact that I woke up 10 minutes before my shift, having slept through Sarah's alarm of doom, with no voice this morning - and I really really really don't want to be ill because we have our runthrough tonight.) But still. There is a bit of 'you are a terrible person' flip-flopping around Allison's mindset, currently.
*There is a way that I could actually make them match, but it involves getting out calipers and being really fussy and I wasn't in the mood - I just wanted to throw things.
The morning/afternoon was spectacular - I got to chat a bit with Strudle about France, went to the studio, threw a dozen mugs (all of which coordinate, a few of which actually match! *)
and got complimented on this glaze:
by my professor - I love how it looks like some sort of nuclear waste (which is weird, I know, but how would you describe that color?)
And then dancing. This is my happy place, right? And it was, kind of, but so much harder to keep my balance than it usually is. I took a full car up - Sirkka and Frank and Naomi and Ashley - and we stopped for gelato - cinnamon & dark chocolate, yummy. Sloan had brought up Ellis and Robert, Dave had come up with a couple of his friends as well.
Julian (pretty much the oldest guy at lab; I'd guess in his 60s? First person who ever asked me to dance - he's a sweetheart with impeccable footwork) decided to bring the snappy glow bracelets for everyone who came, and Alex gave me his the first time we got to dance together, so that I would be extra bright, or some such. (:D)
And I don't know. Nothing really went wrong. Aside from me having poorer aim than usual and throwing Ashley into a wall (she forgave me, but still)
Neither Dave nor I was walking on eggshells around the other. But I was roped into assumed asked if I would give Dave's friends a lindy crash course - they had already made the blues lesson. But they didn't really want a crash course, and I just got the vibe that they didn't even really want to be dancing. Which just made it... frustrating. Because newbies that I adopt do end up dancing - I see to that. But they didn't seem to see that as a good thing. (Also ended up being vaguely awkward because I recognized at least one of them from EHS - but it was the 'I have never exchanged 2 words with you' recognition, which just made it odd.)
I just felt that I was wound just about as tight as I get, which means that I'm painfully polite and not really all that chatty. And I'm not a huge fan of the person I become when I'm wound this tight. So, yeah, Sloan may have been right to preface my 'forcing' Dave's friends to dance with people with "you already know she's kind of bossy and annoying, right?" but it still rankled. And I knew that I probably should not have gone up to Ashley and Sloan and tipped them off when Dave was attempting to be a matchmaker (despite the fact that they would make an adorable couple, neither of them are interested in the other in that way - it's a "I am never attracted to straight guys" mentality, in Ashley's case, which is very silly) but I did, because bone-tired = Allison not-stopping herself from saying whatever's on her mind. And that just created awkward for them.
And I just don't feel like I handled it (meaning: navigating the whole ex, crush, friends field) well. And I'm still not back in my happy-equilibrium state.
I also don't know how much of this was the result of lack of sleep Sun night, because it always hits me the day after. (Or the fact that I woke up 10 minutes before my shift, having slept through Sarah's alarm of doom, with no voice this morning - and I really really really don't want to be ill because we have our runthrough tonight.) But still. There is a bit of 'you are a terrible person' flip-flopping around Allison's mindset, currently.
*There is a way that I could actually make them match, but it involves getting out calipers and being really fussy and I wasn't in the mood - I just wanted to throw things.